Are you estranged from a family member?

Went to the hospital when my son Peter's wife gave birth to their first baby, and then went and picked up my youngest son to meet the new addition. While we were there he heard my daughter-in-law, the new mother, ask her sister who had come from out of state for the birth to bring her some clanazapam. Not wanting to upset anything in that situation, he and I opted to ignore it for the moment--but I was VERY CONCERNED, for several reasons. One, she should ask the dr. if she felt the need for something, let along a prescription med.; two, the hospital should know what she has ingested; three, she was about to start nursing a newborn baby; and another concern was that her visiting sister didn't even have to ask what it was nor where to find it for her. I eventually mentioned my concern to a friend of my daughter-in-law--and got EXPLODED on! She inappropriately went off on me in public in front of my 2 grandkids and stormed off, and I have since been cut out of any contact/communication, not even a Christmas card.

My two daughters stopped talking to me about 15 years ago after I divorced their mother.  I have tried to contact them over the years but to no avail.  I am not sure why they stopped talking to me and am guessing it's over the divorce?  Now they have had children. I don't even know their names. Not sure what to do. Has anyone experienced this happening to them?

I am estranged from my identical twin. She becomes angry at me and gives me the silent treatment almost every time I see her. When I would try to talk about it that would anger her more. I became very anxious around her and was constantly apologizing. After decades I told her I couldn't live with that kind of relationship anymore. She became very angry and said I need to learn to get over things and let things go back to the way they were. I said I couldn't do that and I was done. She reached out a lot but never offered to work on the relationship and I was too afraid things would just be as before to respond. I answered her call on our birthday last year. We spoke a couple of the times but I was very anxious. She has stopped calling and perhaps my speaking to her made her guilt go away, or maybe she is angry again. In any case, I still don't feel I can go back to our old pattern and she hasn't ever indicated any willingness to work on things so although it makes me sad it's probably for the best. It's hard not to think that as far as she's concerned I'm just not worth the effort.

The fact that so many have responded to this question, is a testament that, sadly, family estrangement is very common.  There is some comfort in knowing that we are not alone. I struggled for many years after one of my daughters stopped talking to me after my divorce from their father.  The interesting thing is that he was the one having a relationship with a married co-worker, and my daughter has a relationship with him!  You can beat yourself up wondering "what you did wrong," but sometimes there is just no answer, and you have to find a way to have peace with that.  Counseling helps, and a good relationship with my other family members.

Where to begin. My kid has not spoken to us in 3 years. Ever since she started College she has been a different person.

Whats funny is that it all began when she went to College. She met this spoiled little **bleep** who bragged right in our faces and said we should pay for her college and how if he wanted to he could be a student for life. Well the last straw was when our daughter said she wanted to movie into back room, we cleared it.  The next day, she comes with guy and they attempted to sneak in and get her stuff that she stored in the back and leave.

I suffer ADHD and it was on 11. She is Atypical. Asked her why she was sneaking around like a apt renter trying to sneak out on paying the rent. Were did she learn to treat us so. And she had no answer and this is were ADHD takes over you tongue and I was feeling so hurt that I think I told her that she should get on to her new "curse followed racial epithet" family, yes it it was badly wrong but spilled milk. At least they broke up.

Yet now we are persona non Grata and more then that she goes around telling people how terrible it was.  Excuse Her mother is a badger. She had to take our daughter to UCLA for a very serious issue. Come back in xxx time they told her. Her mother was in the door to see the Doctor in minutes. We were always ready rattle cages to protect her no matter what and she is out maligning, a deeply loving and caring woman her. A better wife and mother I could not have asked for.

We dont mind sending her money now and then as we couldn't afford it. Soon we believe will be able to help her a lot more. We dont want to close the door, we want to help her because she has done well on her own and I would be proud to assist her. Im so damned proud and so dam anguished at the same time.

In the meantime we have to a peaceful neighborhood and I have mastered a type Zen that keeps my ADHD in check. I dont know what to do. No address, no  email. We go thru my sister in law.

Stop sending money? Foreword a letter to her?

My father was estranged from his siblings long before I was born and I never met a relative on his side of the family. 

It's a problem that my wife and I have endured with each of our family members for over 14 years now. We are the only ones who stepped up to provide caregiving to our elderly parents while every sibling in each family walked away and went on with their lives. The past 8 years have been during our retirement, which really hasn't been easy since they are all off enjoying theirs. It's been hard but we've come to see that it happens in many other families. My wife and I have always believed in honoring our parents for all that they provided for us. You just can't walk away when they are elderly and in need. It's a shame that other family members seem to forget that. We've lost 2 of our parents in the past 3 years and our estranged family members really don't know how much they were missed by them. It's selfishness at it's worse. My wife and I have no regrets and many happy memories.

My story is very quite odd my daughter is a family psychiatrist deals with family counseling when I was taking care of my father and she had not yet got her doctorate it was a very bad time very stressful for me I don't know what happened they I have two daughters they will not talk to me many people have gone up to them and ask them why and I've even asked my own counselor if he had any idea of how I could reach them or what I should do I would call them monthly to let them know that I was thinking of them my door and hardware always open I would not bring up the test my daughter got married did not invite me I was there of course hiding in the woods they got married outside I hear absolutely nothing from them somebody said to me that one of my daughters said I was abusive her husband said I was abusive and if that was the case it was never physical of course I was very strict because my ex-husband was not strict and I was worried about my girls my ex husband talked badly about me on a regular basis where I did not talk badly about him it's been 3 years since my father died I have tried everything I know of to reach them I do keep an eye out on the internet and I keep making sure that they are okay as best as I can I am at a loss my daughter is a family therapist but yet she can't come to me or allow me to come to her and we don't even have to talk about the past I really believe that I will never see them again and I'm wondering if anybody has any advice I've tried everything they even called the police and said that their mother loves them too much I don't know what else to do anything would help

Here is my story. I was married for 17 years, had 2 beautiful daughters and my husband had an affair with a co-worker who he ended up marrying. He died of stage 4 lung cancer at age 60, she inherited a million dollars and has taken my daughters and families to Italy, France, Costa Rica just to name a few. They have bonded with her over the years and I feel they are now closer to her than me. I moved to Southern California 20 years ago when my oldest was going to college here and my younger one too. I fell in love with living here. My daughters moved back to the Bay Area due to husbands and jobs. The step mother lives close to them. The girls and I have had differences in how I treated the divorce from their father and have resentments toward me. That was 27 years ago and we now have been estranged completely for 2 months. That woman will be in my life the rest of my life. She had a relationship with my husband and now my children and grandchildren. Has anyone else had the same experience?

Heart of gold