How do I gift kids with different financial situations?

Question

We have five kids. Although we are not millionaires, I have determined that our finances at our current ages (86 and 80) are such that we can give the kids some money now, and not be left in financial straits. I would like the pleasure of doing that while we are still living. The problem is that three of our kids just scrape by, and the other two are quite well off. Have others faced this dilemma, and if so, did you give equal amounts to avoid any possible ill feelings, or did you give based on need?

ManuelV2811 · Answer

This comes up a lot, and there's no single right answer, but a few approaches tend to work well.

Some parents split everything equally, since need-based amounts can feel like a judgment on how each kid's life turned out. Others give based on need, since equal dollars don't always mean equal impact. A middle ground: give some now based on need, but even things out later through what's left behind.

One thing worth considering: putting everything into a trust, with clear instructions on how it's allocated. That way, the decisions are already made and spelled out, kids aren't left guessing or fighting over what's left when the time comes. Money disagreements are one of the most common things that tear families apart after a parent passes, so having it all clearly laid out in advance can go a long way toward keeping everyone on the same page.

Happy to talk through the details if it'd help.

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