Skip to main content
DaveMcK
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 6, 2017

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

  • November 6, 2017
  • 602 replies
  • 501571 views

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 ‐‐------------------------

602 replies

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 23, 2020
Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 21, 2020

@DaveMcK,  you made me LOL with your most recent post.  Having said that, here goes my LOL chuckle for today:

 

A guy is walking through the country when he spots a sign that reads, “Talking Horse for Sale.”

 

Intrigued, he walks up to the stable to check it out.


“So what have you done with your life?” he asks the horse.


“I’ve led a full life,” the horse answers miraculously. “I was born in The Andes where I herded for an entire village.

 

Years later, I joined the mounted police force in New York and helped keep the city clean.

 

And now, I spend my days giving free rides to underprivileged kids here on this farm.”


The guy is flabbergasted.

 

So he asks the horse’s owner, “Why on earth would you want to get rid of such an incredible animal?”


The owner says, “Because he’s a liar! He never did any of that!”

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 21, 2020

CONVERTING A BEAR

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister decide to see who’s best at his job. So they each go into the woods, find a bear, and attempt to convert it. Later they get together.

 

The priest begins. “When I found the bear, I read to him from the Catechism and sprinkled him with holy water. Next week is his First Communion.”

 

“I found a bear by the stream,” says the minister, “and preached God’s holy word. The bear was so mesmerized that he let me baptize him.”

 

They both look down at the rabbi, who is wrapped in a body cast. “Looking back,” he says, “maybe I shouldn’t have started with the circumcision.”

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 21, 2020

AN OLD DOG, NEW TRICKS

A woman called our airline Customer-service desk asking if she could take her dog on board. “Sure,” the rep said, “as long as you provide your own kennel.” The service rep further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around, and roll over. The flummoxed customer sheepishly exclaimed: “I’ll never be able to teach him all of that by tomorrow!”

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 21, 2020

I may have posted this before but given the times it is still a good laugh!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 19, 2020

A male patient suspected of having COVID-19 is in hospital--laying in bed, and wearing a tightly fitted oxygen mask over his mouth and nose.

 

A young female student nurse appears and gives him a partial sponge bath.

 

As she turns to leave, she hears him call "Nurse!" from behind the mask.  He then mumbles, "Are my testicles black?"

 

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, Sir.  I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

 

Again, she hears him mumble, "Oh, nurse please check for me.  Are my testicles black?"

 

Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassent and pulls back the covers.

 

She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles gently in the other.

 

She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, Sir.  They look perfectly fine."

 

The man shaking, slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her weakly and says very slowly, 
"Thank you very much.      That was wonderful.     Now listen very, very closely."  "Are - my- test - results - back?"

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 19, 2020

Funny Cartoons About Getting Older | Reader's Digest

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 15, 2020

Parents do not expect much from us. They just expect that the loan ...

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 16, 2020

cartoon - The most romantic love story | Visit50.com: Travel the World

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 14, 2020

LydiaN586309
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 15, 2020

Posted by Me

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 14, 2020

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 14, 2020

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
April 11, 2020

 

NBC to Air JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR LIVE on April 12

Article Pixel

 

NBC to Air JESUS CHRIST SUPERSTAR LIVE on April 12

 

NBC has announced that it will air Jesus Christ Superstar Live in Concert starring John Legend and Sara Bareilles on Sunday, April 12!

Watch a promo below!

Jesus Christ Superstar Live starred Oscar, Golden Globe, Tony and 10-time Grammy Award winner John Legend has been cast as Jesus Christ, rock legend Alice Cooper as the flamboyant King Herod and acclaimed recording artist, songwriter and Broadway star Sara Bareilles as Mary Magdalene. The cast also features Norm Lewis as Caiaphas, Jin Ha as Annas, and Jason Tam as Peter.

This NBC event will be a one-of-a kind live staging of the iconic 1971 Broadway rock opera with music by Andrew Lloyd Webberand lyrics by Tim Rice. The event will be executive produced by Andrew Lloyd Webber, Tim Rice, Marc Platt, Craig Zadan and Neil Meron.

"Jesus Christ Superstar" was originally conceived as a concept album that hit #1 on the Billboard charts, and eventually made its way to the stage in 1971. It is based on the final week of Jesus' life. The 1971 musical opened at the Mark Hellinger Theatre on Broadway and starred Jeff Fenholt as Jesus and Ben Vereen as Judas. It was nominated for five Tony Awards, including Best Performance by a Featured Actor in a Musical for Vereen. Lloyd Webber won a Drama Desk Award for Most Promising Composer.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper