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DaveMcK
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 6, 2017

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

  • November 6, 2017
  • 602 replies
  • 501570 views

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 ‐‐------------------------

602 replies

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
December 31, 2021

Hoping everyone has a safe and enjoyable New Years Eve! We are going to have dinner here with several people from the Retirement Center.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
December 24, 2021

Happy Christmas Eve! Hoping everyone has a blessed Christmas day.

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
December 19, 2021

I was in the 18+ group!

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
December 18, 2021

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
December 7, 2021

Stole this from another site. 🙂 Too funny not to share:
I refuse to put on winter tires because:
It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.
The effectiveness of winter tires is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (you amaze me).
My neighbor Robert had an accident after putting on his winter tires.
Some are already on their 3rd set of tires, which proves their Ineffectiveness.
We don’t know what they are made of.
The tire giants scare us with winter, just to enrich themselves.
In fact, the tire giants invented snow and spread it at night when you sleep.
If I have winter tires, the government can track me in the snow.
Educate yourself, open your eyes, stop being a sheep!
This year, I say no to winter tires!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 22, 2021

Here is my suggestion as how to fix your Thanksgiving Turkey!

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Rhymesometimes
Conversationalist ⭐⭐⭐
December 7, 2021

@DaveMcK  I try to have at least one good belly laugh a day.  Thank you for giving me that today.

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 9, 2021

The Elephant Rope

 A man was walking nearby to a group of elephants that was halted by a small rope tied to their front leg. He was amazed by the fact that the huge elephants are not even making an attempt to break the rope and set themselves free.

 

 

He saw an elephant trainer standing beside them and he expressed his puzzled state of mind. The trainer said “when they are very young and much smaller we use the same size rope to tie them and, at that age, it’s enough to hold them.

As they grow up, they are conditioned to believe they cannot break away. They believe the rope can still hold them, so they never try to break free.”

Moral: It is the false belief of the elephants that denied their freedom for life time. Likewise, many people are not trying to work towards success in their life just because they failed once before. So keep on trying and don’t get tied up with some false beliefs of failure.

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
aruzinsky
Conversationalist ⭐⭐
November 9, 2021

Almost any large dog is physically capable of jumping/climbing over a 4 foot fence.  They are too stupid to do it.

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 4, 2021

The TRUTH is, that all of the “STUFF” here on earth we work SO hard to buy and accumulate..does NOT mean a thing. At the end of the day...people will be cleaning out our "STUFF", going thru our "STUFF", figuring out what to do with all of our "STUFF"....this "STUFF" we've accumulated in our life. The only thing of VALUE that remains are the MEMORIES and what we deposit into others. May we all learn to spend less time accumulating "STUFF" and spend way more time making MEMORIES.

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Rhymesometimes
Conversationalist ⭐⭐⭐
November 4, 2021

@DaveMcK  Exactly!  I'm a minimalist.  All that means, is get rid of STUFF that really doesn't have meaning or purpose.  Love the humorous take off of "Thelma and Louise." 

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
October 13, 2021

"I asked an elderly man once what it was like to be old and to know the majority of his life was behind him. He told me that he has been the same age his entire life. He said the voice inside of his head had never aged. He has always just been the same boy. His mother's son. He had always wondered when he would grow up and be an old man. He said he watched his body age and his faculties dull but the person he is inside never got tired. Never aged. Never changed.
Our spirits are eternal. Our souls are forever. The next time you encounter an elderly person, look at them and know they are still a child, just as you are still a child and children will always need love, attention and purpose." ~ Author Unknown
✌️❤️

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Rhymesometimes
Conversationalist ⭐⭐⭐
October 15, 2021

@DaveMcK Well written.

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
October 26, 2021

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It is time to move the world forward!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
October 11, 2021

The road least traveled!

 

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Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
Rhymesometimes
Conversationalist ⭐⭐⭐
October 11, 2021

@DaveMcK A rolling stone gathers no moss, but I guess train tracks do.  Cool pix.