Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

Forum|Forum|8 years ago
November 6, 2017
601 replies
500513 views

New topic featuring funny stories.

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

‐‐------------------------

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DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Helicopter Ride

Walter took his wife Ethel to the state fair every year, and every time he would say to her, “Ethel, you know that I’d love to go for a ride in that helicopter.” But Ethel would always reply, “I know that Walter, but that helicopter ride is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

Finally, they went to the fair, and Walter said to Ethel, “Ethel, you know I’m 87 years old now. If I don’t ride that helicopter this year, I may never get another chance.” Once again Ethel replied, “Walter, you know that helicopter is 50 dollars and 50 dollars is 50 dollars.”

This time the helicopter pilot overheard the couple’s conversation and said, “Listen folks, I’ll make a deal with you. I’ll take both of you for a ride; if you can both stay quiet for the entire ride and not say a word I won’t charge you! But if you say just one word, it’s 50 dollars.”

Walter and Ethel agreed and up they went in the helicopter. The pilot performed all kinds of fancy moves and tricks, but not a word was said by either Walter or Ethel. The pilot did his death-defying tricks over and over again, but still there wasn’t so much as one word said. When they finally landed, the pilot turned to Walter and said, “Wow! I’ve got to hand it to you. I did everything I could to get you to scream or shout out, but you didn’t. I’m really impressed!”

Walter replied, “Well to be honest I almost said something when Ethel fell out but, you know, 50 dollars is 50 dollars!”

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

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Link:

COVER STORY: Epic, the software company that's changed the sharing of medical records (including, probably, yours) | Watch Video
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For more info:

Epic Systems Corporation, Verona, Wis.
Mayo Clinic, Rochester, Minn.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

LydiaN586309

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

stories about kindness

A Brief Story of Kindness

A poor boy was selling goods from one door to another to pay for his studies. One day he found that he had only one dime left, and he was hungry. While approaching the next house, he decided to ask for a meal. But when a young woman has opened the door, he only dared to ask for a glass of water. She looked at him and understood that probably the boy is hungry. So she brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it and then asked how much he owed her. The woman replied: "You don‘t own me anything. Mother taught us never to accept pay for a kindness“. "Then I thank you from the bottom of my heart“, he said. Now, he felt stronger not only physically, but his faith in God had grown as well. The boy's name was Howard Kelly.

Many years have passed. One day that woman became seriously ill. Local doctors could not help her. Therefore they sent her to a big city, where her rare disease would be studied by specialists. Dr Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he entered her room in the hospital, he immediately recognized the woman as the one who had shown kindness to him when he was poor. So moved was he, the doctor was determined to do his best to help her recover from her disease.

The struggle was long, but together they managed to overcome her illness. After some time, the woman received a bill for her treatment. She was worried that the amount to pay would be so significant, that it would take the rest of her life to pay for it. Finally, when the woman looked at the bill, she noticed words that were written on the side of the bill. The words were: "Paid in full with a glass of milk!"

LydiaN586309

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50

Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size.
Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service.
Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
No one expects you to run--anywhere.
People call at 9 pm and ask, "Did I wake you?"
People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
There is nothing left to learn the hard way.
Things you buy now won't wear out.
You think humor must be good for your body, exercise and diets haven't worked well.
You can eat dinner at 4 P.M.
You can live without sex but not without glasses.
You enjoy hearing about other peoples operations.
You get into heated arguments about pension plans.
You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
You sing along with elevator music.
Your eyes won't get much worse.
Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
You know more about prescription drugs than you pharmacist
You can't remember who sent you this list.
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

LydiaN586309

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

The Eye of the Beholder

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her. Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.

Oh my, I am so sorry, " the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you, " she says.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.

After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! ! Everything had been SO incredible! !! ! "You know, " he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet? "

"No, " she replies… ""You just happened to catch my eye."

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Learning from walking in another person's shoes!

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper

DaveMcKAuthor

Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐

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