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DaveMcK
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
November 6, 2017

Funny Stories and Life Experiences

  • November 6, 2017
  • 602 replies
  • 501568 views

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

 ‐‐------------------------

602 replies

DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 27, 2023

I’m not sure how many I have, but here goes nothing. Because this means a lot to me personally; I'm going to make a bet, that out of my friends, 10 will take the time to put this on their wall to help raise awareness of Mental Health (PTSD, depression, anxiety, and other mental health diagnoses) difficulties. ❤️
Dave ’done’

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 21, 2023

 

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DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 19, 2023

 

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DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 19, 2023

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 17, 2023

How to stay young!

1. Try everything twice.

On one woman’s tombstone she said she wanted this epitaph:

“Tried everything twice. Loved it both times!”

2. Keep only cheerful friends.

The grouches pull you down.

(Keep this in mind if you are one of those grouches!)

3. Keep learning:

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever…

Never let the brain get idle. ‘An idle mind is the devil’s workshop.’

And the devil’s name is Alzheimer’s!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.

And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:

Endure, grieve, and move on.

The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves. (and God is with me)

LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:

Whether it’s family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever …

Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:

If it is good, preserve it.

If it is unstable, improve it.

If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don’t take guilt trips..

Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is (usually the past or the future)

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

I love you, my special friend.

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 7, 2023

LIFE NEVER GETS OLD

 

  • ~ Your kids are becoming you…but your grandchildren are perfect!
  • ~ Going out is good… Coming home is better!
  • ~ You forget names…But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!
  • ~ You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…especially golf.
  • ~ The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
  • ~ You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”.
  • ~ You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..
  • ~ You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… ??
  • ~ Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
  • ~ You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?
  • ~ What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
  • ~ Everybody whispers.
  • ~ You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.
  • ~ But “old” is good in some things:  Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 6, 2023

My two year old grand daughter, Emma, spent the night with me last night. When we awoke this morning, all snuggled together, she playfully pointed to my stomach and asked,” What’s that Mamaw?”

I said, “My fat belly.”

Again she pointed and questioned me. “What’s that Mamaw?”

I answered,” That’s Mamaw’s belly button. Do you have a belly button?”

Emma proudly pulled her shirt up and told me, “There’s my belly button Mamaw! Just like yours!”

She then pointed one last time, this time to my chest.” You have boobs Mamaw. Mine are all gone.”

I explained and assured her that her chest would grow as she grew.

She then informed me, “Well Mamaw, I want purple ones!”

Dear Lord don’t let me get Alzheimers! I want to remember this precious moment!

 

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper
DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
February 3, 2023

 

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DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
January 25, 2023

 

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DaveMcK
DaveMcKAuthor
Community Champion ⭐⭐⭐
January 14, 2023

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet. 'My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?' "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" I exclaimed, "No" said the Vet, "because he's really heavy" 😂

Posted by Dave the Lighthouse Keeper