SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami." She said, "We can't do that !"   I told her, You did it last week. !"      

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I heard about a guy that just started his own business and he is hiring new workers...

They are making land mines that look like prayer mats.

The business is doing unbelievably well...

He says Prophets are going through the ceiling.

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10 

 Prophets are going through the ceiling nell2

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Two women were having lunch together and discussing the merits of cosmetic surgery...

The first women said, "I need to be honest with you, I'm getting a boob job."    

The second woman responded, "Oh, that's nothing, I'm thinking of getting my a$$h--- bleached!"

"WHOA!"  replied the first, I can't picture your husband as a blonde!"    

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 Bonnie I can't believe you lol love it 

  " I can't picture your husband as a blond!'

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A  couple of oldies:

"What would you like for dinner my love? Chicken, beef or lamb?"  My wife yelled from the kitchen..

I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."

She replied, "You're having soup, I was talking to the cat!"    

Three ladies are excited about seeing their first baseball game.....

They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniels into the ball park. The game is very exciting, and they enjoy themselves immensely mixing Jack Daniel's with their soft drinks.

Soon they realize that the bottle is almost empty and the game still had a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it, and how many players are on base?"

ANSWER:

It's the bottom of the fifth, and the bags are loaded.!      

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Close GITMO immediately !  Release all prisoners from the back of a C-130 aircraft at an altitude of 20,000 feet over Mecca & Medina !   

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed.... It was a Chinese restaurant..  

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

ATTORNEY:  

"What gear were you wearing at the time of impact?"

WITNESS:

" Gucci sweats and Reeboks."

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

The hotel I'm in has a lovely closet..... a nail.

There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night ! Finally, I let her out.

I have a lovely room and bath in the hotel. It's a little inconvenient, they're in two separate buildings.!

This is an elegant hotel!  Room service has an unlisted number....

My room is so small...the mice are hunchbacked.

The room is so small, when I put the key in, I broke the window.   

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day nd they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven...

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day,so the Angel must decide which of them gets in...

The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven. Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, They're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please God to be able to see them every day, for eternity!"    

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question. The Queen takes out a bottle of Perrier from her purse, drinks it down. Then, wees into a toilet and pulls the lever....

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about?"    

"I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She wees into a toilet and she gets in!!!  Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry Dolly," says the Angel," but even in Heaven, ......

A Royal Flush beats a pair, no matter how big they are. "