SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

 Joke deleted

Two priests are in the Vatican bathroom using the urinals. One of them notices that the others penis has a Nicoderm patch on it ! He commented, "I believe you are supposed to put that on your arm or shoulder. The other replies, "It's working just fine. I'm down to two butts a day."

* If you laugh, you'll go straight to hell...."

Frank always looked on the bright side...He would constantly irritate his friends with his eternal optimism. No matter how horrible the circumstances, he would always reply, "It could have been worse." To cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a situation so completely bad, so terrible, that even Frank coould find no hope in it.

On the golf course one day, one of them said, "Frank, did you hear about Tom?" He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot them both and then turned the gun on himself.!  "

"That's awful," said Frank, "But it could have been worse.".....

"How in the hell," asked his bewildered friend. "Could it have been worse?"

"Well, " replied Frank, "If it happened the night before, I'd be dead now.!"  

Welcome Shelby !     Thanks for my smile this morning... a ring of truth to that one huh!?   LOL  Have a nice day.   

An 8 yr. old says to his Grandma..... "Gram, you know how to make a tissue dance?"

"No, sweetie, how do you make a tissue dance?" asked his Grandma.

To this he replied, ..."You put a little Boogey in it !"     

In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A man and wife were celebrating 50 years together. Their kids, all very successful, all agreed to a Sunday dinner in their honor.

"Happy Anniversary Mom & Dad" gushed son number one, a surgeon. "Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital with a patient, you know how it is, and I didn't have time to get you a gift."

"Not to worry," said the father, the important thing is that we're all together today."

Son number two, a lawyer, arrived and announced "You and Mom look great Dad." I just flew in from Los Angeles between depositions and didn't have time to shop for you.: "It's nothing," said the father. "We're glad you were able to come."

Just then the daughter, a marketing executive, arrived. "Hello and Happy Anniversary!  I'm sorry but my boss is sending me out of town and I was really busy packing, so I didn't have time to get you anything."

After they finished dessert, the father said, "There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you all for a long time."

"You see, we were very poor. Despite this, we were able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years your mother and I knew we loved each other, but we just never found the time to get married."....

The three children gasped and all said, "You mean were bastards?"

"Yep," said the father. "And cheap ones too!"       

In Response to SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

The kids filed back into class on Monday morning. They were very excited.

Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off, "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30." she said proudly. "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civil spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next:  "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny." said the teacher.

Eventually it was little Johnny's turn (you remember him don't cha?)

The teacher held her breath.........

Little Johny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk..."$2,467," he said !

"$2,467,!"  cried the teacher. "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes."   said little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town." said little Johnny, "and set up a chip & dip stand and gave everybody who walked by a free sample."

"They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like dog s *** !"

"Then I would say, "it is dog s***. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"   

"I used the governmental approach of giving you something s***** for free, and then making you pay to get the s***** tase out of your mouth.:

In Response to Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Maxine says :

A man without a woman, is a bachelor.....

A woman without a man, is a genius!         

In Response to Re: Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Why is it after I push one for English, I still can't understand the person on the other end???