Community Champion ⭐⭐

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

Forum|Forum|16 years ago
July 12, 2010
2655 replies
429852 views

Joke deleted

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Contributor ⭐

Life is rough when your wife wakes up from a dream and yells "get out, my husband is home". And you jump out the window naked.

R

RobinL909426

Contributor ⭐⭐

Life is too short to joke every day, to some a joke is light-hearted. To ease the pain of loved ones/s lost or to make a person believe that their personal tragedy is not that serious. To me, a joke has to have credibility or reference to a particular circumstance or situation.

B

BarbaraO774616

Contributor ⭐

About the April Fool's joke.... you researched the background of it why not research the background of all these other holidays you will find out that they aren't Bible based they are of pagan origin... but you still want to celebrate them!!!!

W

WendelP791160

Contributor ⭐

You're exactly right almost every Christian holiday is pagan based. Christians absorb the pagan holidays in order to control the pagan population.

J

j30122w

Contributor ⭐

A young woman was about to finish her first year of college. Like so many others her age she considered herself to be a very liberal Democrat and was for distribution of all wealth. She felt deeply ashamed that her father was a rather staunch Republican, which she expressed openly. One day she was challenging her father on his beliefs and his opposition to higher taxes on the rich and the addition of more government welfare programs. Based on the lectures that she had participated in and the occasional chat with a professor she felt that for years her father had obviously harbored an evil, even selfish desire to keep what he thought should be his. The self-professed objectivity proclaimed by her professors had to be the truth and she indicated so to her father. He stopped her and asked her point blank, how she was doing in school. She answered rather haughtily that she had a 4.0 GPA, and let him know that it was tough to maintain. That she studied all the time and never had time to go out and party like other people she knew. She didn’t even have time for a boyfriend and didn’t really have many college friends because of spending all her time studying. Her father listened and then asked, “How is your good friend Mary doing?” She replied, “Mary is barely getting by.” She continued, “She barely has a 2.0 GPA,” adding, “and all she takes are easy classes and she never studies.” “But Mary is so very popular on campus, college for her is a blast, she goes to all the parties all the time and very often doesn’t even show up for classes because she is too hung over.” Her father then asked his daughter, “Why don’t you go to the Dean’s Office and ask him to deduct a 1.0 off your 4.0 GPA and give it to your friend who only has a 2.0.” He continued, “That way you will both have a 3.0 GPA and certainly that would be a fair and equal distribution of GPA.” The daughter visibly shocked by her father’s suggestion angrily fired back, “That wouldn’t be fair! I worked really hard for mine, I did without And Mary has done little or nothing, she played while I worked real hard!” The father slowly smiled, winked and said, “Welcome to the Republican Party.”

aw5266770

Contributor ⭐⭐

A senior gentleman in his 70s owned Florida property with a pond on it. One day, he was walking by the pond when he noticed a bunch of clothing along the shoreline ... and a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in the pond. So, after thinking a moment, he walked back to his house and got a bucket filled to the top with fish - and then walked back to the pond.

"Excuse me, ladies," he called out to the women. "This is private property and you're trespassing. I think you should all get out, get dressed and go home."

"No way," one of the women shouted back. "We know you came down here to see us naked."

"Absolutely not," the gentleman replied. He held up the bucket filled to the top with fish, grabbing one of the fish with his free hand, saying, "I come down here about this time every day to feed the alligators."

aw5266770

Contributor ⭐⭐

One more before I go to bed. A woman in her late 80s goes to see her doctor for a routine annual exam and a few simple lab tests. After the tests come back, the doctor goes back to the woman and says, "Your tests came back good. For a woman in her 80s, you're in exceptionally good health. But, before I let you go, let me know if you have any health concerns you'd like to discuss."

The woman blushes and says, "Not really ... not for me, anyway. But my son complains that I fart too much. It's true that I do fart a lot. But, most of them are silent and none of them smell bad."

"Really?" the doctor said in surprise.

"Yes. As a matter of fact, I've farted three times since I came into this office ... and they were all silent and none of them smelled bad."

The doctor nodded and reached into his medicine chest for some sample medication, and replied, "Well, just to keep your son happy, take these pills tonight before you go to bed."

She thanks the doctor and leaves. But the next morning, she's right back at the doctors office. And when the doctor finally sees her, she says "What did you do to me??? This morning, I started farting like I usually do. But the farts were loud and they all smelled terrible!!!"

The doctor smiled and replied, "Great! Now that we've fixed your hearing and sinus issues, let's see what we can do about your gas problem."

aw5266770

Contributor ⭐⭐

And, here's one more. A senior couple is sitting in their rocking chairs on their front porch, rocking back and forth. All of a sudden, the wife stops rocking, gets a scowl on her face, and picks up her cane. Then WHAM! - she brings the cane down hard on her husband's lap.

"What was that for?" asked her shocked husband.

"That's for 50 years of bad sex!" the wife replied. Then, she puts her cane down and they both start rocking in their chairs again. But after a few minutes, the husband stops rocking, gets a scowl on his face, and picks up his cane. Then WHAM! - he brings the cane down hard on his wife's lap.

"What was that for?" asked the shocked wife.

The husband replied, "That's for knowing the difference."

aw5266770

Contributor ⭐⭐

Here's another one. Three senior men are sitting on a park bench. The first man is in his 60s, the second man is in his 70s, and the 3rd man is in his 80s. The following conversation takes place:

Senior #1 -- Every time I go to bed, I have to wake up in the middle of the night to pee.

Senior #2 -- That's not all that bad. I have to wake 3 times in the middle of the night to pee. And when I try to pee, only a trickle comes out.

Senior #3 -- You think that's bad? I go to bed at 11pm, sleep through the night, and promptly at 7am I pee like a racehorse!

Seniors #1 & #2 -- What's so bad about that???

Senior #3 -- (lowering his head & blushing) Well, I don't actually wake up until 8am.

aw5266770

Contributor ⭐⭐

Years ago, our nation's highways were graced by "Burma Shave" ads. There would be 4 or 5 ad signs, placed about a mile apart, consisting of prose or poetry that connected to prose or poetry on the next sign. For example:

If the skirts get any shorter ...

... and a mile later ...

And if the wind will not behave...

... and a mile later ...

There'll be two more cheeks to powder...

... and a mile later ...

And one more place to shave.

... and a mile later ...

C

c869050m

Contributor ⭐

A coupl in a nusing home announced that they were getting a divorce after 75 years of marriage. The Chaplain was sent to their apartment to counsel them. "Oh, we've been meaning to do this for years. We were just waiting for the children to die."

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