Can't handle raising troubled grandchild

Gm. Sorry to hear about your struggles. My suggestion is uncover what was missing between age 5-8. Build a new base of discipline and love by example. It appears she feels she can outlast you. Actions have consequences. Talkback? Go to the room and take something. Physical attack? Phone turned off. 
Each time until the room is only a bed. She may threaten to call CPS. Have the number on YOUR phone so she can see ”been there, done that”. 
Between 5-8, a child looks for direction and, in absence, will develop their own. At 12, she may feel she knows best about everything because noone gave a damn when it counted. 
Spoiler alert. This isnt about you. Change that perspective to “it’s about us”.

I pray this helps. And pray to your god for direction. Dont have one, this would be a great time to start. Speak in plain language. 

Hi, I know I am very late to this discussion as your post was from a year ago. I've dealt with similar experiences and  my heart really went out to you. How are things going? I Hope you have found some calm and peace

📎@AndSolomTX , I am sorry you are going through this and you BOTH will have to "decide" what to do. Yes, I am sure there will be GUILT but you guys are OLD. In my opinion, TOO MANY GRANDPARENTS are stuck with raising grandkids. This should be THEIR TIME to "visit" them at their home WITH A PARENT(s) and then return home to ENJOY what years are left before they die. IF you are a member of a church, maybe schedule an appointment with them to maybe find some PEACE if you decide to put her in Foster Care. Take care, Nicole 👵

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[*** @AndSolomTX wrote 4/5/25:

 

 

 

 

 

Spoiler

Don't know where to turn.

I am raising a troubled 11 almost 12 year old most disrespectful grandchild.  It's too much.  I have spent years giving up my freedom and peace in exchange for constant aggravation disrespect laziness entitled unruly just all around difficult and out of control troubled grandchild.  This kid needs a 2 parent home that will hold her to take responsibility for actions and provide the discipline that she needs.  I don't know where to turn. We have already been in counseling, therapist, psychiatrist, medications....it's all just futile.  My life is miserable. It kills me to think of actually driving her to some foster care place but I also don't know what to do with this overwhelming bad situation.

 

I make too much to qualify for any help. CPS was never involved.  I spent about $15k several years ago n got custody but it has turned into something that has really taken a toll on both of our lives. Neither of us want to continue on it's too much. ***]

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