Is it possible to take comfort with a widower who may know what’s down the road?

Hi, KM, I read your message and the various responses on this site, which I think offer good ideas and reassurance that grieving is difficult and there is no quick fix.  On the issue of men grieving, I have reassessed my view on this topic.  Having been in many grievance groups, I have found many different male grievers.  There really is no prescribed behavior, although we may feel that.  My first encounter after my husband died was with an insurance adjuster who just lost his mother and his family through divorce.  He was in pain (I began to become much more attuned to the pain of others).  We ended up talking about our separate losses.  He was kind and understanding and offered great insight that allowed me to sleep through the night for the first time since my husband died.  I was the primary caregiver for my husband.  The last final weeks were horrible for my husband and me.  The worst part was that he stopped talking and we never had a chance to actually say the words "good bye."  That weighed heavily on me and led to questions whether I should have done more and whether I somehow failed him.  These feelings are not unusual if you are a caregiver.  The insurance guy said " just think how you made his life easier in the last 2 years and probably extended his quality of life."  Wow, nobody ever said that to me.  It just goes to show there are very sensitive and caring people who somehow appear (are they guardian angels?) and help lighten your suffering.  The long and short of it is that men can be empathetic and caring.  Conversely women can be cruel and callous.  Everyone is different.  Keep an open mind and don't be afraid to trust your own instincts and others who genuinely care.  Hope this helps.  Sue

i lost my wife on2/2/21. We knew each other as kids. She was in a nursing home the last 10 years of her life. We came close to 50 years of marriage. I miss her daily you cant help that and its normal and healthy. I quit crying a couple years ago. I didnt throw my self into books or talk to only other who lost someone. I did what she would want me to do i went on living and i talk to anyone who will listen. The ones not talking are dealing with their own kind of greif. My strength and i admit its not always strong comes from Gods word everything that has been written about this you will find answers in the word of God. When i get lonely or feeling down i pray and let god know how i feel. I also tell him he told us in his word he would comfort us in time of trouble and greif. Then i leave it to him to give me peace and answers. His peace is like no other peace you will find in a book or conversation. How do i know because ive have experienced it. You too can find that peace and hope by trusting him and telling him how you really feel.     

Kristine @KM547318 , YOU are in my thoughts TODAY!

A friend’s husband passed away after being together for 76 yrs & couldn’t find help for companion at night. I feel this is an issue AARP can address organizing a volunteer group for short term help.

Dear Kristine @KM547318 , how are you today? 🤔

Nicole 🤗

I'm sorry for your loss Kristine. The more you express your feelings and emotions the better you will feel. This site helps because the focus is on the grieving and the topic options and not scattered in all directions. The good people here can help you with sage suggestions. The discussions help to 

gain a footing in this time of adjustments. You can stop in whenever you feel like it. I feel at home here, like I'm in the right place. You're right that people feel uncomfortable talking about grief. Especially dying and death. Except it's so much a part of life. The people here have a lot of good and diverse thoughts on these topics.Take care! 

@KM547318 I’m sorry for your loss. Everyone

grieves differently but men definitely grieve

differently then women. I agree that a support

group would be good for you. You can express

your feelings openly with no expectations.
You could also opt for one on one counseling.

Our post about grief and loss readings may

help you as well 💜🙏

Kristine @KM547318 , you are in my thoughts TODAY!

Nicole 🤗

Perhaps joining a grief group within your locale is what you need as the meetings would allow you to speak your mnd. You need to adjust to your loss and find yourself again. Do something that brings you joy be it a hobby or an activitiy something to fill that void. Relationships usually come from ones interests or a shared expeience. Try to get out of  your shell and mingle with others, If you like to read join a book club at the library or volunteer ..People handle their grief in many ways .Start a journal where you can express your inner thoughts....I hope you are able to come to terms with your loss.. 

Hi Kristine @KM547318 , NO PRESSURE - but WE would like to "invite" you to check out OUR discussions!

WE would be "honored" to hear YOUR thoughts on OUR topics. 👍