Estate help??

Years ago AARP had a list of lawyers that would give legal help at a reduced rate. You might want to check with them.

You need a lawyer not a message board.

@KathrynS231083 

Sorry for the loss of your Mom - it sounds like she was the heartbeat of the family and the one that kept things going OK.  Did she not make any plans that you know about for you since you are disabled and for your Dad since he is ill?  I know somethings happen quickly and we all have good intention to get it all organized but sometimes just don’t get around to it.  Just hard to keep up with everything.

If your Mom had a Will, was there someone other than you or your Dad listed as the executor or Personal Representative?   If so, that would be your 1st contact person -   If not, you may need help with everything there is to do - especially when it comes to things like Social Security and a Social Security Representative Payee status which she may have had over your Dad and maybe you too since you are disabled.

Then there may be added Social Security benefits for you and/or your Dad if your Mom had a good benefit since now Survivors benefits will be effective but you have to file for them.  You could make an appointment with your local Social Security office and get the required info together to file for Survivors benefits.  

AARP does not recommend any specific attorney but they do have some resources for information.

AARP.org - 08/06/2025 - Does AARP Offer Legal Advice and Resources? 

It sounds like you may need an ELDERCARE attorney and there is a National Association for this type - they may be able to recommend an Eldercare attorney in your area.

National Academy of Elder Care Attorneys  

Then there would be specific social services in your area that you could search to find help specific for your needs and your Dad’s needs - Those would be under your county’s Dept of Aging or Dept of Elderly or even Protective Services depending on the need.  It is all based on what you and your Dad need - maybe they can direct you to the best dept for help.

Just take a breath and do what you can and perhaps learn a bit each day - one foot in front of the other, step by step.

I’m really sorry you’re dealing with all of this, it’s a lot, and it’s not because you’re failing. With your mom’s passing and your dad being so ill, this is the moment to bring in outside help like a social worker, legal aid, or an elder-law attorney to help protect his rights, finances, and the house so it’s not all on you. His anger and defensiveness are common when someone is scared and sick, and it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. Reaching for help is not giving up, it’s the only way to carry this without breaking yourself.