Caregiving Connect

  Right time, Right med, with a Marker - Markers help grab the right meds at the right time. Use a permanent marker to label medications with time of day.    There is a simple, but clever way to give loved ones who manage their own meds a hand in keeping their medications straight. You can write AM/Noon/PM with a bold marker on the lid of each medication. That way your loved one can pull out the right meds at the right time.

Don’t say: “Mom’s constant needs are wearing me down.”   Many unsupportive family members justify their lack of caregiving involvement by denying a parent’s deficits. Rather than believe what you are saying and accepting that Mom needs care, they are likely to criticize you for being an exaggerator and complainer.   Excerpt by Barry Jacobs

What kinds of health checks will be required for visitors?    Is the facility following federal guidelines for visitor screening, including: • Checking visitors’ temperatures?• Asking about COVID-19 symptoms and potential exposure?• Observing visitors for any symptoms or signs of infection?

Aug. 17th, I said my last goodbyes to my father who had Parkinson's Disease, and many other ailments.I, was his 24/7 live in caregiver, eventually we hired on a full time caregiver, and hospice was last to join our 'team'. He was bed bound his last year and had dimentia and hallucinations also at times.The tip I'm leaving today is dealing with a dimentia moment. Everything I learned came from all my mistakes I made and some amazing professional caregivers.When the dimentia is intermittent, and not all the time, it's easy to forget that it's where they're at that time.Go along with what they're saying no matter how crazy it may sound at the time, try not to argue, or give long explainations, try to distract, or change the subject, and don't take anything personal. Easy to say but truly, they may be alert and independent one moment and a little later not understand what the simplest task is. They may seem at times almost  manipulative, and maybe they are, but try to remember th

 Do say: “I would really appreciate it if you could help take care of Mom during dinner.”   Such “I” statements tend to be heard by others more neutrally. A more defined and limited request is more likely to be met with cooperation. Who would dare say no when they see the caregiver slaving away in the kitchen?   Excerpt by Barry Jacobs

If you're caring for loved ones at home, much of your regular schedule may be disrupted. You may be desperate for ways to keep your loved ones busy and yourself from tearing your hair out! Here are some ideas to help out:   Reading - Choose a book to read together and read aloud to them. Or connect with other family members and friends on the phone or video chat and do a book club - either sharing info about the books each are reading or you could all read the same book and discuss. Re-read an old favorite or try a new book. You can order books online for delivery or download ebooks or audiobooks from your publilc library (if you don't already have a membership you can join the library online in most places). Send a card or letter to family members and friends - it's the perfect chance to revive that old tradition that people don't do much anymore! Write to first responders and military and thank them for what they are doing in this crisis. Write to nursing facility staff, home c

 As we head into the holidays, which will undoubtedly be different this year, here is my 3rd tip for caregivers:Start new traditionsInstead of focusing on losses and what you and/or your loved ones aren’t able to do this year, try doing something new!Holiday Lights: Try driving through a holiday light display - you are safe in your car! They have become quite popular and this year I anticipate many communities will have them - you can look online for "holiday light displays" in your area. Even neighborhoods or streets on which most houses decorate make a nice driving destination (my family always does that)!Concerts: Watch all of the holiday concerts on TV or computer. I'm guessing there will be even more available this year - my Dad loved watching them on TV. There are usually several on the PBS channel and you can check local listings and your streaming channels too. Some AARP state offices will even be offering holiday concerts online!Video chat meals and more: If holiday gathe

What is the nursing home doing to help make it safe for visitors to come back?   Has the facility met the federal Centers for Medicare & Medicaid Services (CMS)recommendations for allowing visitors? For example: • Has it gone at least 28 days without a new COVID-19 case?• Are cases declining in the surrounding community?• Have all residents and staff been tested for COVID-19?• Does it have enough staff?• Are there adequate supplies of personal protective equipment (PPE) and cleaningand disinfecting products?• Are there plans to permit outdoor visits as a transitional step, like some states haveallowed?

Don’t say: “Why aren’t you helping out with Mom more?”    An axiom of family therapy is that “you” statements (“You don’t treat me well,” for example) have an inherently accusatory tone and are almost always guaranteed to provoke a defensive reaction or host of excuses. Few stubborn brothers will respond positively and step up. At the same time, this question is too broad. Requests should be more specific and tailored to the sibling’s availability and capabilities.   Excerpt by Barry Jacobs

Caregiving - especially caregiving during a pandemic - can be incredibly time- and energy-consuming. Add the holidays and it may feel even more overwhelming. That's why my final tip for you is: Ask for and accept help Maybe you don’t normally ask for - or accept - help, but the holidays are a great time to start or to add more help.  Even a little bit of help can be a huge relief! Yes, we are living in a pandemic and you are probably taking many safety precautions, such as limiting or eliminating visitors to your loved ones' or your homes. But there are still many ways people can help! The problem is, we usually don't ask, and when others offer, we don't accept, or their offers are vague and we don't feel comfortable asking for specifics. It's time to get past that feeling and help someone else have the joy of giving!   Consider these ways to take some things off your list and free up some time and energy.  Holiday decorations - Family, friends, a personal assistant or

Family caregivers tend to be isolated, as our time is focused on caregiving and keeping up with work, other family members and the basics of our own lives. The pandemic has magnified that isolation. We may have at least had the occasional get-together with friends, attended an in-person caregiver support group or had regular family gatherings. But now those things aren't happening and as we head into the holidays we will miss those connections. The good news is that there are still ways to connect - that's why my 9th tip is: Connect with other caregivers Other caregivers are feeling many of the same emotions we are, even when others don’t understand. Connect to share your feelings, get tips and brainstorm ideas about how to adjust holiday celebrations this year. We learn the most from each other! No one quite understands the way another caregiver does.    Some support groups will have small outdoor gatherings, but that gets harder in parts of the country where the weather is

As caregivers, we give and give and give, and during the holidays we give even more. Add the stress and isolation of the pandemic on top of that and you've got a potential formula for burnout.  That's why my 8th tip is: Keep Up with Self-Care Be aware of emotional ups and downs, fatigue, foggy thinking, inability to sit still or the opposite — feeling frozen and unable to get anything done. These are red flags that the stress is getting to you and you may be on your way to burnout (or already there), but when we’re busy it’s easy to let  self-care slip — just when we need it most.   I look at self-care like my car - it can't run on empty and neither can I. Self-care - or filling our own tanks - is not selfish, it's just practical. So find ways to fill up - even if it's just a little bit at a time:   Stay connected - to other caregivers, friends, family, neighbors. Social isolation is detrimental to your health, so be sure to find ways to connect safely via vi

Industry show up rates for interviews are typically 60%, but in 2020    it's closer to 80% which has improved due to Zoom and virtual interviews!   Caregivers that are simultaneously working and applying for jobs are more easily able to access a computer or phone during a workday, as opposed to driving across town to get to an in-person interview.   So, open yourself up to conducting virtual interviews and get your no shows on Zoom and see if they are a fit!      

Gift-giving is a part of many traditions, but it can be costly and time-consuming - and difficult when caregiving, especially during a pandemic. That's why my 5th holiday tip for caregivers this year is: Approach gift-giving more efficiently This year more of us have grown accustomed to shopping online, using curbside pick up or having groceries delivered. For caregivers, this can actually make life easier! As much as we may enjoy the annual shopping trips, when caregiving there just may not be time or energy for it. Try to embrace the positives of online shopping, or ask someone else to do it for you.  Gift wrapping - Many online stores will also gift-wrap so your presents are delivered to loved ones already wrapped (and many also offer the option of including a gift receipt). If you order presents to be delivered to your home and want to deliver them, you might ask a friend or relative to do the wrapping for you.Gift cards - You can always fall back on gift cards,

We are less than one week from election day!  You might be hesitant to vote in person due to the ongoing pandemic, but for some of us it might be unavoidable at this point.     Whether you are voting early (currently available in most states) or on election day at your voting precinct you should check out the above video for helpful tips on how to vote most safely in person!   Are you planning on voting in person? If so, with who?

Even in a "normal" (i.e. non-pandemic) year, getting big holiday meals together while caregiving is a huge challenge. As caregivers we have to be flexible and find a way to have the joy of a holiday meal without letting it take us under. So that leads to my 4th holiday tip:   Adjust Meal Plans Food is a big part of many holidays, so it’s especially difficult to think about changing mealtime traditions. But meals also require a lot of time, money and coordination. Over many years of caregiving, I found doing holiday baking and meals so exhausting that I couldn’t even enjoy them. So rather than canceling holiday meals entirely, I’ve learned to make adjustments like these: Simplify the menu. Try fewer side dishes or one dessert instead of three. Which dishes are most meaningful and important to you? The meal doesn't have to be everything this year - it just needs to be simple, meaningful and delicious. Split up the grocery shopping and cooking among other family members, neighbors o

Start thinking about some of the difficult legal and financial issues you may face as a caregiver.   If your loved one goes into a nursing home, how will they afford it? Would you sell their house? How does power of attorney work? Do they have a will? Tackling these issues can be upsetting. But it's best to know the details so you're not taken by surprise. Talk to a geriatric care manager, a social worker, an elder law attorney, or get in touch with a caregivers' organization. 

The holidays are always challenging for family caregivers as we are all overwhelmed and exhausted and often don't have the time or energy or ability to celebrate the way we have in the past. This year, as we all live through the pandemic, the holidays may be even more complicated. So I'm sharing some of my   - hope they will be helpful!   Focus on what is most meaningful   As much as we’d like to create the perfect holiday experience, remember that perfection is not the goal of the holidays — meaning and joy are.   There are many factors we can’t control when it comes to our loved ones’ health and abilities, as well as COVID-19 safety precautions, so adjust your view of a successful holiday. Talk about prioritizing the holiday activities that hold the deepest meaning and are most doable this year. Allow yourself to embrace the "something is better than nothing" mindset. Focus on what feels the most necessary to produce a holiday feeling and create good memories

Even if your loved one is doing fine on their own, it's a good idea to do some investigating to weigh your options on local nursing homes and caregiving facilities around them and you.   Should your loved one ever need one, you’ll be glad to know what the options are. Keep in mind that many assisted living facilities and nursing homes have waiting lists and it can take years to get a spot.    This is even more important during the pandemic as not every facility will stay open or has the necessary resources in place.    Be ready! Know your options!

  Use a shelf liner as a leg lifter - Rubberized shelf liner can be used as a leg lifter   A sturdy grade of rubberized shelf liner can be cut into strips and used as a leg lifter. Simply cut a length of shelf liner, run it under your leg, wrap each end around a hand and lift.

​Although seniors are more tech savvy than ever, the FTC and FBI statistics indicate older adults are now five times more likely to be victims of cybercrimes​ than just four years ago, and the Department of Justice estimates scammers steal at least $3 billion from unsuspecting seniors every year.   Here are some tips on how to protect your loved one:   Notable Changes in Computer Usage Could Foreshadow​ More Serious Issues​​     Cognitive impairment often is recognizable earlier in seniors who use technology; forgetting passwords or frequently getting locked out of accounts can signal a decline in judgment. Encourage older adults to immediately tell you of mistreatment by, or suspicious behavior of, persons ​​​who enter their homes to provide care or services. Listen carefully when conversing with loved ones;look for signs that something is not right. Don't be afraid to be a little "nosey" as seniors often have misgivings about discussing anomalies in their

  While the most common signs of Coronavirus are cough, fever and chest congestion the most telltale sign in elderly frail adults actually is delirium. Keep a watchful eye and be on the lookout for this symptom! Here are a few others to monitor. 

  Can't attend an appointment? Record conversations with their doctor and playback when convenient.   Technology can help when you or a family member cannot be present at your loved one’s doctor appointment. With the doctor’s permission, you can have them record their conversation on a digital recorder or a smartphone. When convenient, play the discussion back to hear exactly what was said during the doctor’s office visit.

  While there isn't a right answer and everyone channels death differently, there are practical steps that need to be addressed after your loved one passes.   It may take some longer than others in terms of grieving, but check out this article for tips on practical steps to take once ready.    Is anything missing? Do you have any wisdom to impart?

  Cut down on trips and falls with colored tape   Does your loved one shuffle their feet or easily trip over things? To help cut down on trips and falls you can place red tape on all thresholds in the home. The red captures the brain’s attention and forces the eye to look down, helping to prevent trips. You can also outline the edges of steps, coffee tables and doorways with colored (plumber’s) tape to help prevent bumps and bruises.