AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A drunken man walks into a biker bar, sits down at the bar and orders a drink...Looking around , he sees three men sitting at a corner table. He gets up, staggers to the table, leans over, looks the biggest, meanest, biker in the face and says:
"I went by your grandma's house today and I saw her in the hallway buck-naked. Man, she is one fine lookin' woman!"
The biker looks at him and doesn't say a word. His buddies are confused, because he is one bad biker and would fight at the drop of a hat.
The drunk leans on the table again and says, "I got it on with your grandma and she is good, the best I've ever had!"
The biker's buddies are starting to get really mad, but the biker still says nothing....
The drunk leans on the table one more time and says, "I'll tell you something else, boy, your grandma liked it!!"
At this point the biker slowly stands up, takes the drunk by the collar, looks him square in the eye and says....................................
'GRANDPA.... GO HOME !!!" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
CHURCH BULLETIN
A bean supper will be held Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow. 
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A man was leaving a convenience store with his morning coffee,when he noticed a most unusual funeral procession approaching the nearby cemetery.
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A long, black hearse was followed by a second long, black hearse a few feet behind the first one.
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Behind the second hearse was a solitary man walking a dog on a leash.
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Behind him, a short distance back, were about 200 men walking, single file...... The man couldn't stand the curiosity. He respectfully approached the man.
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"I am sorry for your loss, and this may be a bad time to disturb you, but I've never seen a funeral like this. Whose funeral is it?"
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"My wife's "
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"What happened to her?"
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The man replied, "My dog attacked and killed her."
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He inquired further, "But who is in the second hearse?"
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The man answered, "My mother-in-law. She was trying to help my wife, when the dog turned on her."
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A poignant and thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.
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"Can I borrow the dog?"
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The man replied....."Get in line"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by jacobirose
Hi Joan, Welcome..... Best wishes, and pop in anytime. 
just popping my head in.....to say hello............back for who knows how long.......will save a good joke that comes my way for in here soon.........ya'all be good now.!!!!!!!!!
In Response to Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
If you laugh,you'll go straight to hell...." 
lol nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I love it
does it refer to Cats also......lol nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
PEACE STARTS WITH A SMILE....
Don't let your worries get you down, remember Moses was once a basket case...
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
posted at 08/15/2010 05:34:32 PM CDT
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
Handle every stressful situation like a dog....Pee on it, and walk away.. love it
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Grandad was reminicsing about the good old days.... lol The thing about the good old days,is Jim tell's about them ever day 
just- nell
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
The reason a dog has so many friends..
He wags his tail instead of his tongue. 
Character is like a tree, and reputation like a shadow.
The shadow is what we think of it, and the tree the real thing.
Abe Lincoln
Grandad was reminicsing about the good old days....
"When I was a lad, momma would send me down to the corner store with a dollar and I'd come back with 5lbs. of potatoes, 2 loaves of bread, 3 qts. of milk, a lb. of cheese , a packet of tea and a half dozen eggs...
You can't do that now, too darn many security cameras! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
MORE TWISTED NURSERY RHYMES
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the King's horses,
An all the King's men,
Had scrambled eggs
For breakfast again.
Hey diddle, diddle, the cat took a piddle
All over the bedside clock....
The little dog laughed to see such fun,
Then died of electric shock.
Georgie Porgy pudding and pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry....
And when the boys came out to play...
He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay. 
There was a little girl, who had a little curl,
Right in the middle of her forehead....
When she was good, she was very,very good.
But when she was bad......
She got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront condo, and a sports car. 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell
Jack and Jill went up the hill,to fetch a pail of water.Jack had 2 dollars but when they came back- Jill had the2 dollars, do you think they went after water....
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
As we age, our sense of humor changes along with other things...I'm sure that these are not politically correct in today's world....so what !
Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered,
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little .... darling : )
Mary had a little lamb,
Her father shot it dead,
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.
Jack and Jill went up the hill,
To have a little fun....
Stupid Jill forgot the pill,
And now they have a son..
Simple Simon met a pie man going to the fair.
Said Simple Simon, to the pie man, "What do you have there?"
Said the pie man to Simple Simon....
"Pies, you dumb a$$ !! "
An elderly lady says to her friend:
"My memory is so bad...."
"How bad is it?" asks her friend.
"How bad is what?" she reponds.
THE SENILITY PRAYER:
"Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference."
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour....
But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over! 
SameTime,SamePlace,LOL this is about time, too:
MAGIC GREEN HAT
Earlier this year while on vacation to escape the snow and cold, I passed through Florida on my way to the Caribbean cruise. The day after returning from my cruise, I wasn’t feeling very well and decided that I really needed some medical assistance... and decided to visit the emergency room at the closest medical facility.
Realizing that it would likely be very crowded and not wanting to sit there waiting for 4-5 hours to be seen, I put on my MAGIC GREEN HAT.
As soon as I entered the E.R., I noticed that over 3/4 of the people got up and left. I guess they decided that they weren't really that sick after all.
I’m believing that MAGIC GREEN HAT cut at least 3 hours off my waiting time.
Here's a picture of my MAGIC GREEN HAT:
It also works at the Dept. of Motor Vehicles. It saved me 5 hours.
At the Laundromat, three minutes after entering, I had my choice of any machine, many of which were still running.
If you live in Texas, or Arizona or Florida, it might cut your wait time at the grocery store as well.
But . . . don't try it at McDonald's.
The whole crew ran out the back door and I never got my order!
"I downloaded AARP Perks to assist in staying connected and never missing out on a discount!" -LeeshaD341679
