🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

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[mc6844]

Thank you Nicole! Have a good day.

[mc6844]

Thank you Nicole. Wishing you well, and all on the site well, too!

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[KimberlyM389662]

Extreme anger is my challenge. I am very angry that he left his children. Our daughter is getting married next year and our son is adult profoundly autistic. I either want to throw and break things or scream until I can't speak anymore. I'm not sure that anyone knows that I have a physical mental health illness. There is something wrong with my amygdala. The amygdala is a paired structure (the two are considered one brain area) inside your temporal lobe. It's a key part of emotional control and processes. It also plays a role in memory and learning. Either way I go from panic attacks to extreme crying fits which also causes me to panic. I just don't know what I want to do anymore except stay away from people but then again I feel these walls are closing in on me. I am also angry because I want to be able to do normal things around the house and can't because of my back and complications. I'm afraid they are going to operate again and then who is going to take care of my son. My daughter has her own life and already has more than enough on her plate and my Mom is starting to lose her memory. 

[JaneCares]

Hi Kimberly. You do have so much going on. Your husband passed on in January, 2023, right? From your posts, it sounds like you live in Maryland, and you have a therapist. Also, i can just imagine how many appointments you have for medical providers for you and your son. All of this is a very heavy burden, and it sounds like the strain of that burden expresses itself in anger. Very understandable! 

I hope for you the following:

* that you have friends, other family, a faith community, and / or other connections with other people who help you and help you to know you are not alone in all this

* that your husband left you some life insurance or some other assets to help support you and your son

* that perhaps you know of a system of care for your son; my guess is you are an expert in programs and resources for young men like your son. And even though these resources are inadequate, you can 'work the system' on his behalf so that he gets the care he needs, and that you are not alone in caring for him. Because as you know better than anyone, you will not be around him forever. 

* that your therapist and you are working on a plan to help you take care of yourself AND your son in a way that is compassionate, practical, do-able. 

* and that at least part of what you talk about with your therapist is the chronic stress that is feeding your rage.

You do not have to be alone in all of this. You post in this group. You have a therapist. You are old enough to have lots of wisdom and stories of survivorship. You've met challenges before. This is not your first rodeo.

What are the next one or two steps you can take toward your goals? Despite the broken body and the exhaustion, you have a right to dream and hope. What can you move toward? You are extraordinary. What next?

With respect and in appreciate for all you are, in anticipation for all that lies ahead,

Jane

[mc6844]

Kimberly I'm so glad you stopped by to share where you're at. If you don't feel up to people right now, there are many sources of online support. In what area do you feel most vulnerable at present? Emotional, physical etc? You could check out online support within these topics. Knowledge is power. 

Do you have a neighbor or near relative who can lend a hand? If not the Visiting Nurses are a wonderful group. Don't know about cost these days, or if insurance covers. Whatever you choose to do, reaching out as you are now can relieve your stress. And I'm so sorry you're going through so much. Keep checking in to the forum. Good things are on the way I'm sure!

[KimberlyM389662]

@mc6844 . I have the best support system.  My Mom and my best friend of 50 years.  I have 4 different appointments each month and, 1 is my therapist every 2 weeks. I am trying to focus on me and doing things that I put off. A physical with my PCP and GYN as well as a eye exam. I need to be here for my kids.  I am also going to have a second opinion with another neurological specialist (spine) just because I think that I need to. I called my surgeon about my increased pain and frequent falls and,  his response was to call my PCP. My PRIMARY CARE didn't dy my SURGERY, he did. It was 2 years ago on believe it or not April Fools Day. I have now been in pain for 3 years.  My fall was December 28, 2020. It's time for someone else who will listen and tell me what needs to be done.  I know that I am always going to have some pain,  I mean I broke multiple vertebrae and 2 titanium rods and 9 screws but,  I should not be in pain and agony every day for the rest of my life.  

[MarcyW882921]

Kimberly @KimberlyM389662 ,

It sounds like you have an extraordinary amount of stress on top of physical and emotional issues. I'm hoping that you are connected with some professionals with expertise in your areas of need. If not maybe you could get appropriate referrals by calling 211?

Thinking of you.

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

1 comment (Friday 11/3/23)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 💙

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @Winter2025VA ,

Is this a name change? You must be trying to keep me on my toes! LOL

Wishing you a restful night.

🤗

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

1 comment (Friday 11/3/23)

You are welcome dear Jonibee @jonibee !!! Lol, I can be a PEST when it comes to checking on folks 🤣😂 So TRYING to pester less! 🙄

Gosh, I am SO READY for your fingers to get better. 😤

And NEXT WEEK, you will be in my thoughts and prayers dear friend. 🙏

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

---

✏@jonibee wrote:

Just checking in to say hello...I have to return to the Ortho doctor for a cortisone shot next week as my fingers are still numb feeling. Next week will be the one year anniversay of my husband' passing...My daughters and I will visit a restaurant in his memory as he use to like to go out to eat periodiaclly and enjoyed doing so along with family..So in his honor we shall share a meal together...Life goes on as it well should but it is a bitter sweet time for me with out him here...Thank You for thinking of me...jonibee✏

---

[MarcyW882921]

Jonibee @jonibee ,

Since I can cross my fingers, I will do that with hope that you will find some relief at the Ortho doctor for your fingers next week. I'm glad you have plans with family for getting through your one year anniversary. Sending thoughts for healing and strength as you go through the week.

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[jonibee]

Just checking in to say hello...I have to return to the Ortho doctor for a cortisone shot next week as my fingers are still numb feeling. Next week will be the one year anniversay of my husband' passing...My daughters and I will visit a restaurant in his memory as he use to like to go out to eat periodiaclly and enjoyed doing so along with family..So in his honor we shall share a meal together...Life goes on as it well should but it is a bitter sweet time for me with out him here...Thank You for thinking of me...jonibee

[mc6844]

Take care Jonibee. I hope your fingers feel better. In many countries a place is set at the table for the deceased, as they believe their loved ones are always with them.

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[MarcyW882921]

I am thinking of you too Nicole @Winter2025VA!

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

Getting back to an activity that's engrossing relieves stress. Reading, needlework etc  I'm not much on reading these days. I still find needlework satisfying. Except I need bigger squares on cross stitch fabric

Lol. It's also tiring. Doesn't take much to get tired these days. 

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @ NicoleW439658, 

I am waiting on a table for my kitchen and a screw for my bathroom towel bar and my remodeling will finally be done! I am so close!

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

1 comment (Tuesday 10/31/23)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , as usual, I am totally confused with all this! 🙄 So THE TIME CHANGE THIS SUNDAY 11/5, should make you HAPPY? 🤔 And me SAD/lol 🤣😂

Luv You,

Nicole 🤗

---

✏@MarcyW882921 wrote:

Nicole @Winter2025VA, I like when it is dark at night time and when it is light in the morning. Changing times messes up my body's natural time clock and I have a harder time keeping a consistent schedule.

Marcy✏

[MarcyW882921]

Yes Nicole @Winter2025VA! I am looking forward to the time change! I want my hour back.

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

I solved problem of outside light by getting solar floodlights. Ones I  got have spikes. And go on and off by themselves.

 Can be put in potted plant, moved, etc.  They work good. Lessens electric bill. 

[MarcyW882921]

I am more vigilant about identifying things each day that I am grateful for. When any angry feelings arise, I am taking a step back and thinking through the situation. Both have reduced my level of stress.

Marcy

[Winter2025VA]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[Winter2025VA]

6 comments (Monday 10/30/23)

Dear Cadee @Cadee2719 , YOU are ALWAYS here for us IN SPITE of losing your hubbie, son and brother ALL WITHIN A FEW MONTHS of each other.

You are SO STRONG AND CARING and I luv you SO MUCH my friend.

I am ALWAYS here for you 💙💙💙

You are in my prayers and thoughts,

[MarcyW882921]

Thinking of you today dear Cadee @Cadee2719. Today may be more difficult than others. I know you are a strong woman, but I am sending you some extra support, love, and caring! You will get through this day. ❤️

Marcy

[Cadee2719]

Thank You for your kind words and thoughts.  It was a difficult week for me.  I have ordered the gravestone for my husband and went to put flowers on his and my son's graves.  It was a lonely, sad feeling.  I stayed home and had very little contact with people to work my way through the sadness.  My son's home sold so on November 9th we flew to Idaho to look at homes.  He bought a beautiful home which will close the end of this month.  I found three communities that I would love to live in and instructed my realtor to begin the search.  I have A LOT of work here to do to prepare to sale my home and pack.  I guess it was a good thing that I already replaced the sewer system, electric panel, water heater, pool equipment and replaced all the appliances!!!!   Now the work begins.  It will be a new beginning for me, near my last remaining brother, in a place that is safe to walk and live without fear of being attacked or robbed.  (What a concept)  I also got an appointment on 12/21 to see the rheumatologist and hope that he can discover the reason for all the leg pain.  Things are looking up for me and I am excited.  ♥️

[MarcyW882921]

Cadee @Cadee2719,

You made it through a very difficult week and did it in your own way. The feelings won't disappear, but you live on with all of your fond memories.

Now you are expressing excitement about the changes on your horizon. You have put all of the repair work in on your current home so that leaves the packing to do. It's great that your son has sold his home and has a closing on his new home. You made the trip to Idaho and found three potential communities for you and that's terrific. You have a doctor's appointment scheduled in December and soon you will be near your brother in a place where you will feel safe again. 

I am so happy for you and impressed with all that you have accomplished!👏🙂

Marcy