🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

[jonibee]

Just checking in to say hello...I have to return to the Ortho doctor for a cortisone shot next week as my fingers are still numb feeling. Next week will be the one year anniversay of my husband' passing...My daughters and I will visit a restaurant in his memory as he use to like to go out to eat periodiaclly and enjoyed doing so along with family..So in his honor we shall share a meal together...Life goes on as it well should but it is a bitter sweet time for me with out him here...Thank You for thinking of me...jonibee

[mc6844]

Take care Jonibee. I hope your fingers feel better. In many countries a place is set at the table for the deceased, as they believe their loved ones are always with them.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[MarcyW882921]

I am thinking of you too Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT!

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

Getting back to an activity that's engrossing relieves stress. Reading, needlework etc  I'm not much on reading these days. I still find needlework satisfying. Except I need bigger squares on cross stitch fabric

Lol. It's also tiring. Doesn't take much to get tired these days. 

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @ NicoleW439658, 

I am waiting on a table for my kitchen and a screw for my bathroom towel bar and my remodeling will finally be done! I am so close!

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Tuesday 10/31/23)

Marcy @MarcyW882921 , as usual, I am totally confused with all this! 🙄 So THE TIME CHANGE THIS SUNDAY 11/5, should make you HAPPY? 🤔 And me SAD/lol 🤣😂

Luv You,

Nicole 🤗

---

✏@MarcyW882921 wrote:

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT, I like when it is dark at night time and when it is light in the morning. Changing times messes up my body's natural time clock and I have a harder time keeping a consistent schedule.

Marcy✏

[MarcyW882921]

Yes Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT! I am looking forward to the time change! I want my hour back.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

I solved problem of outside light by getting solar floodlights. Ones I  got have spikes. And go on and off by themselves.

 Can be put in potted plant, moved, etc.  They work good. Lessens electric bill. 

[MarcyW882921]

I am more vigilant about identifying things each day that I am grateful for. When any angry feelings arise, I am taking a step back and thinking through the situation. Both have reduced my level of stress.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[SummerIsTooHOT]

6 comments (Monday 10/30/23)

Dear Cadee @Cadee2719 , YOU are ALWAYS here for us IN SPITE of losing your hubbie, son and brother ALL WITHIN A FEW MONTHS of each other.

You are SO STRONG AND CARING and I luv you SO MUCH my friend.

I am ALWAYS here for you 💙💙💙

You are in my prayers and thoughts,

[MarcyW882921]

Thinking of you today dear Cadee @Cadee2719. Today may be more difficult than others. I know you are a strong woman, but I am sending you some extra support, love, and caring! You will get through this day. ❤️

Marcy

[Cadee2719]

Thank You for your kind words and thoughts.  It was a difficult week for me.  I have ordered the gravestone for my husband and went to put flowers on his and my son's graves.  It was a lonely, sad feeling.  I stayed home and had very little contact with people to work my way through the sadness.  My son's home sold so on November 9th we flew to Idaho to look at homes.  He bought a beautiful home which will close the end of this month.  I found three communities that I would love to live in and instructed my realtor to begin the search.  I have A LOT of work here to do to prepare to sale my home and pack.  I guess it was a good thing that I already replaced the sewer system, electric panel, water heater, pool equipment and replaced all the appliances!!!!   Now the work begins.  It will be a new beginning for me, near my last remaining brother, in a place that is safe to walk and live without fear of being attacked or robbed.  (What a concept)  I also got an appointment on 12/21 to see the rheumatologist and hope that he can discover the reason for all the leg pain.  Things are looking up for me and I am excited.  ♥️

[MarcyW882921]

Cadee @Cadee2719,

You made it through a very difficult week and did it in your own way. The feelings won't disappear, but you live on with all of your fond memories.

Now you are expressing excitement about the changes on your horizon. You have put all of the repair work in on your current home so that leaves the packing to do. It's great that your son has sold his home and has a closing on his new home. You made the trip to Idaho and found three potential communities for you and that's terrific. You have a doctor's appointment scheduled in December and soon you will be near your brother in a place where you will feel safe again. 

I am so happy for you and impressed with all that you have accomplished!👏🙂

Marcy

[Cadee2719]

Thank You Marcy for your support.  I truly appreciate the fact that my son is willing to pick up his practice and relocate to another state with me.  There I will be near my last remaining sibling and his wife and a grandson; the last of my immediate family.  That seems important to me at this stage of my life.  I still struggle to speak about my husband, son and brother without crying.  I am hoping to get stronger.  I decided that I would leave the home I loved for the past 46 years to be near family and to be SAFE.  NOW the work begins!  I cannot express my gratitude to the friends I have on this site.  Without your support, I would not have made it and I love you all for being there for me.  I am happy that your remodeling is done and you are slowly recovering.  I will keep you informed of my journey.  ❤️

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (10/29/23)

WHAT ARE YOU GRATEFUL FOR TODAY/TONIGHT?  🤔  They say we get MORE good things when we appreciate the ones that come our way! 👍

Me: GRATEFUL my Neighbor From H.ll has been gone SINCE October 15th. Party Time DOUBLE TIME 💃💃💃💃💃💃

[MarcyW882921]

I am grateful for the beautiful sunshine, less wind, birds that sing lovely songs, friends/family who text, call, and post, strangers who smile and say hello, and safe travel today!

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Sunday 10/29/23)

👋  Sunday Chat!

Well we have Marcy @MarcyW882921 off on her 1st SOLO trip this weekend!!! SO PROUD OF YOU my friend. 💃💃💃

My daughter also was on the road this weekend.

I pray they BOTH make it back home SAFELY... 🙏

Nothing planned for TODAY so far except my ☕COFFEE 🙄. Hey, that is the MOST IMPORTANT event of my day./lol 🤣😂

Find YOUR peace TODAY,

[MarcyW882921]

Hi Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT! 

I am back home safe and sound! It is a new adventure traveling alone. Some parts were OK and others not so much. I'm glad I gave a short trip a try.

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[RachelW425687]

Don't be afraid to stop and pause when a memory  a moment in time when our love one was by our side.  Remember,and if you close your eyes for just a minute, they will feel like they are right there. I shed a tear, but I feel the strength and i can smile now it is almost a warmth of hug around me, for I am Alone now, and never thought that would be.  .And keep telling the stories,those important moments, over and over, as we need to. The right people in your life will always listen. Even if you cry each time it's ok,cause one day you will laugh at the silly moments in time that we were so fortunate to have. Blessed it Be.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Friday 10/27/23)

Hi AARP EXPERT Amy  @agoyer  👋 AARP EXPERT Jane @JaneCares 👋 and AARP Sandy @sandy 👋 

WE do have a Team Member who is dealing with the "aftermath" of losing a loved one to SUICIDE. 😥

I know there are alot of EMOTIONS involved with this from my reading and meeting folks.

I am NOT an expert and was wondering IF you had any Words Of Wisdom to share with OUR GROUP? 🤔

[JaneCares]

Hello, everyone. Losing a loved one to suicide is one of the toughest things to recover from. I've worked with clients who've had this experience, and also a client last year who's son was killed intentionally with a gun. I believe that the self-searching and self-blame is most urgent and painful with suicide loss. I am so sorry that someone in this group is grappling with that loss.

Amy's story is profound and her experience points to several ways to cope, including writing a letter or more than one to the person who took their own life. Reading can be so helpful; about grief, about the challenges that the loved one faced (veteran? teenager? or as in Amy's niece's case, bipolar disorder). Also, finding other people who've lost others to suicide. 

The organization that Amy mentions, the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention, has resources specific to grief after suicide: https://afsp.org/ive-lost-someone/. There are videos to watch that share stories about this kind of terrible, wrenching loss.

I hope the grieving person has people around who will listen and be a caring presence. And whether or not there are supportive people, there is always psychotherapy, which after covid, is now much more available on video than it was before covid.

If there are particular challenges, i hope the grieving person will post here. Amy is a fount of support and information, and i am glad to look up resources anytime.

I am so sorry.

Jane

[agoyer]

@SummerIsTooHOT  Greiving from a suicide is especially hard. We lost my 19 year old niece to suicide in 2012. There are no words to describe what it feels like. There are, of course, so many "what ifs" and "if onlys". My niece had bi-polar disorder. I had a fight with her the last time I saw her. And we NEVER fought. I was caregiving for both parents at the time and one was in the hospital and it was Christmas and it was all just too much and I blew up at her because she wouldn't help.

I have come to a place of peace with it. I know she forgives me and I forgive her and all is well with her soul. But it was very hard to accept and so hard to grasp. I wrote her a letter and burned it to sort of symbolically let the ashes of that letter lift up to her. That helped. My sister (her mother) has done many things to deal with grief, including things to honor our Shaelee - she helped build a home for people with low incomes, she planted a beautiful garden in her memory etc. etc. Actively doing things to honor them can be so helpful. 

With suicide, we struggle to understand why they did what they did. It's such a shock. Learning about bi-polar and suicide has helped so you might try some of that eventually when you are ready. 

As you grieve your loved one who has died from suicide, there are some groups that can help, depending on your relationship with the person who has died.

• My sister, as a parent losing a child, got help from a group called Compassionate Friends for people who have lost a child.
• The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention has a section of their website for those who have lost someone to suicide, including ways to connect to others in similar situations. 
• The Suicide Prevention Resource Center has good resource list of other organizations specific to loss from suicide. 

I also read several books that were helpful, but I don't have them with me right now and can't remember the names. When you are ready, a google or Amazon search will bring up some good books. 

I know it feels like the rug has been pulled out from under you. It has, so of course you feel that way. Do what you need to do right now - what works for YOU. There is no one right way to grieve and no timeline or order for how you feel at any given point in time. This is your grief, and you can learn and get support from others who are also grieving, and you don't have to follow their path either. 

Try to get sleep (talk with doc if you're having trouble), eat health meals and drink a lot of water. One moment at a time. The pain will eventually lessen, although of course it never goes completely away. But it will get easier to get through the day and you will fill joy again I promise. 

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Author, Juggling Life, Work and Caregiving

[SummerIsTooHOT]

4 comments (Wednesday 10/25/23)

Dear Estelle , I AM SO SORRY for your loss! 😭

I am SO GLAD you stopped by!!! 💃💃💃

Luv you,

Nicole 🤗

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✏Estelle wrote:

So sorry for your loss.  I lost my life partner of 21 years 8/27 so I needed help reached out and I joined GriefShare.  If you go to their website griefshare.org and type in your zip code a list of groups will appear that are near where you live.  So far I have found it quite helpful and I also go for one on one counseling with a certified counselor.

Don't be afraid to reach out.  There is a great deal of support out there.  You just have to search for it.  Best of luck!

Estelle Coffino✏

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

Julia, I'm so very sorry for your loss. The good people on this site can help you get through these days. Please take care.