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Gold Conversationalist

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

 Joke deleted

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Gold Conversationalist

"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other."

 

John F. Kennedy

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Gold Conversationalist

TRY OUR SUNDAYS

THEY ARE BETTER

THAN BASKIN-ROBBINS

 

CAN'T SLEEP?

TRY COUNTING

YOUR BLESSINGS.

 

TRY JESUS

IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM

THE DEVIL

WILL ALWAYS

TAKE YOU BACK

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Gold Conversationalist

FYI.... If you made any promises during the bottom of the 9th inning...

 

Services start at 10 a.m. Sunday Morning. Woman Frustrated

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Gold Conversationalist

I bought some tablets to help build my strength up.

 

But I can't get the friggin' lid off!

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Gold Conversationalist

"Grandma... do you call us honey just 'cause you can't remember our names?"

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Gold Conversationalist

When you're feeling stressed out, I think it helps to make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of who ever's bugging you.

 

I like rumors....you learn so much about yourself that you didn't know before!

 

Did you know line dancing was started by women waiting to use the bathroom?

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Gold Conversationalist

A blonde discovers she has a flat tire on her car. She remarks:

 

"OMG a flat tire!"

 

Her blonde friend chimes in...

 

"Completely? No.. just on the bottom." 

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Gold Conversationalist

IF YOU THINK HALLOWEEN WAS SCAREY....

 

JUST WAIT FOR NOVEMBER 8TH !      Cat Mad

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Gold Conversationalist

I wanna go trick or treating with a wine glass instead of a bucket.

Let's just call it..

Trick - or - Moscato.  Smiley Happy

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Gold Conversationalist

You are not too bad to come in...

You are not to good to stay out.

 

Where will you be sitting in eternity?

Smoking or non-smoking?

 

Try our Sundays.

They are better than Baskin Robbins.

 

Under the same management

for over 2,000 years.

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Gold Conversationalist

The early bird gets the worm....

so sleep late and get a doughnut!

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Gold Conversationalist

A computer programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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Gold Conversationalist

"You know why I feel old?...

 

I went to buy sexy underwear, and they automatically gift wrapped it!"

 

 

Joan Rivers

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Gold Conversationalist

My parents didn't actually teach how to adult. The only things I learned were to hoard plastic bags, in plastic bags, and if there is a person in your house, you feed them.

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Gold Conversationalist

Reach for the stars......

It keeps your boobs from saggng.  Smiley Wink

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Gold Conversationalist

"I'm off to jump in a pile of leaves and hide there until the election is over!"

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Gold Conversationalist

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian and an Athiest all walk into a coffee shop.

They talk, laugh, drink coffee and become friends...

 

It's not a joke, it's what happens when you're not an a--h---!

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Gold Conversationalist

bY jEFF fOXWORtHy

 

iF YOU CONSIDER TELEVISION DANGEROUS, BUT ROUTINELY CARRY EXPLOSIVES IN YOUR CLOTHING, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU WERE AMAZED TO DISCOVER THAT CELL PHONES HAVE USES OTHER THAN SETTING OFF ROADSIDE BOMBS, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU FIND THIS OFFENSIVE, AND DO NOT FORWARD IT, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM HERE IN AMERICA, BUT IF YOU DELETE THIS, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY A MUSLIM.

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Gold Conversationalist

Well, I hope you're Hunky Dorey after you read this and chuckle...by Richard Lederer.

 

About a month ago I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These include "Don't touch that dial"..."Carbon copy"..."You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry".

Back in the olden days we had a lot of Moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy ! Gee whilikers ! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley!

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Gold Conversationalist

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

"Who is Don Trump?" The better queston may be, "What is Don Trump?"...

 

Answer ... A giant middle finger from average Americans to the political and media establishment.

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Gold Conversationalist

Mirror mirror on the wall...

You're not playing fair at all!

 

I'm really now upset with you,

For giving me a distorted view.

 

You show my hair is turning gray,

It's just the way the shadows play.

 

I know that your not hanging straight,

To make me look so over weight.

 

The way you show a double chin,

Is just the way the light comes in.

 

I think I'm fine , but you're unwise

To put such accent on my thighs.

 

I wish you'd try to be my friend,

And tell me I'm a little thin.

 

Just tell me I look good in jeans

, frilly shirts and pretty things.

 

Please don't let the wrinkles show,

I'd like to have a pretty glow.

 

I see you won't respond at all....

So I'll just take you off the wall !

 

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Gold Conversationalist

If tomatoes are technically a fruit.... is ketchup a smoothie?

 

Money is the root of all wealth.

 

Two Irishmen are drinking at a bar. One says "Did you know that Elks have sex 10-15 times a day?  "Aw sh--" was the reply, "I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"

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Periodic Contributor

HAHAHAHA......Nice!!!!!!
Don Bennett
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Gold Conversationalist

I was going to give him a nasty look, but he already had one...

 

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

 

I was going to wear my camouflage shirt today, but I couldn't find it.

 

If at first you don't succeed, sky diving is not for you !

 

Sometimes I wake up grumpy, other times I let him sleep.

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Gold Conversationalist

Hospitality is the art of making guests feel like they're at home, when you wish they were.

 

Behind every great man, is a woman rolling her eyes...

 

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

 

Women spend more time wondering what men are thinking, than men spend thinking.

 

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

 

Is it wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly?

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Gold Conversationalist

A paraprosdokian is a figure of speech in which the latter part of a sentence is unexpected...and is oft times quite humorous.

 

I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom, until they're flashing behind you.

 

Today a man knocked on my door and asked for a small donation towards the local swimming pool, so I gave him a glass of water.

 

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

 

I'm great at multi-tasking.... I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at the same time.

 

If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame.

 

Take my advice, I'm not using it.

 

My wife and I were happy for twenty years, then we met...

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Gold Conversationalist

Mirror mirror on the wall, you're not playing fair at all !

I'm really now upset with you,

for giving me a distorted view.

 

You show my hair as turning gray,

It's just the way the shadows play...

I know that you're not thinking straight,

To make me look so over weight.

 

The way you show a double chin,

Is just the way the light comes in.

 

I think I'm fine, but you're unwise,

to put such accent on my thighs!

 

I wish you'd try to be my friend,

and tell me I'm a little thin..

Just tell me I look good in jeans

and frilly shirts and pretty things.

 

Please don't let the wrinkles show,

I'd like to have a pretty glow.

 

I see you won't respond at all,

So I'll just take you off the wall !!

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Gold Conversationalist

CHERISH YESTERDAY,

DREAM TOMORROW,

LIVE TODAY,

LOVE FOREVER  Heart

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Gold Conversationalist

THE RECENT DEBATE SHOWED A MAN WHO WAS JUST FORGIVEN BY HIS WIFE FOR HIS INFIDELITY, SHAME A WOMAN WHO FORGAVE HER HUSBAND FOR HIS INFIDELITY...

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Gold Conversationalist

A women's ass size study reveals asrtonishing results:

 

10% think it's too skinny.

 

30% thinks it's too fat.

 

60% say they don't care, they love him anyway  Smiley Wink

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