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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 451 of 2,654

HEIDI.....       noun...greeting.

 

HIRE YEW.....  Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usuage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

 

BARD... verb. Past tense of "to borrow". Usuage:  "My brother bard my pickup truck."

 

JAWJUH... noun. "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." 

CAPITAL:   HOT-LANTA.

 

MUNTS.... noun. "I ain't herd from him in munts."

 

FAR..... noun. "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."     Smiley Surprised

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

 

 

My doctor grabbed me by my wallet and said, "Cough!"

 

 

 

The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."  Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 453 of 2,654

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami."

 

She said, "We can't do that !"

 

I told her, "You did it last week. " 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 454 of 2,654

Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you? "

 

The Lord replies, "A minute."

 

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

 

The Lord replies, "A penny."

 

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

 

The Lord replies, "In a minute."  Smiley Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 455 of 2,654

 MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY :

 

PIKACHU

 

 

"I took my wife to the shoe store. I was tired so I said, "Hurry up and pikachu!" 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 456 of 2,654

A coupl in a nusing home announced that they were getting a divorce after 75 years of marriage. The Chaplain was sent to their apartment to counsel them. "Oh, we've been meaning to do this for years. We were just waiting for the children to die."

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 457 of 2,654

Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?"

 

Artie said, "I would like them to say he was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."

 

Eugene commented, " I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."

 

Al said, " I'd like them to say.... " Look, he's moving!" 

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 458 of 2,654

Women and cats will do as they please...

 

And men and dogs should relax and get used to it.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 459 of 2,654

Thanks Billy.... have a great day.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 460 of 2,654

A father told his 3 sons when he sent them to the Universtiy. "I feel it's my duty to provide you with the best educaton, and you do not owe me anything for that. However, I want you to appreciate it. As a token, please each put $1,000 into my coffin when I die."

 

And so it happened. His sons became a doctor, lawyer, and a financial planner. Each was very successful financially. When their father's time came and they saw their father in his coffin, they remembered his wish.

 

First, it was the doctor who put 10 $100 dollar bills onto the chest of the deceased.

Then, came the financial planner, who also put $1,000 there.

Finally, it was the heartbroken lawyer's turn...

He dipped into his pocket, took out his checkbook, wrote a check for $3,000, put it into his father's coffin, and took the $2,000 cash. 

 

He later went on to become a member of Congress.

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