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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 441 of 2,648

This is something that happened in an assisted living center...

 

The people who lived there have small apartments, but they all eat at a central cafeteria.

 

One morning one of the residents didn't show up for breakfast, so my wife went upstairs and knocked on the his door to see if everything was OK.

 

She could hear him through the door and he said that he was running late and would be down shortly so she went back to the dining area.

 

An hour later he still hadn't arrived so she went back up towards his room, and she found him on the stairs.

 

He was coming down the stairs but having a hell of a time !

 

He had a death grip on the hand rail and seemed to have trouble getting his legs to work right.

 

She told him she was going to call an ambulance but he told her no, he wasn't in any pain and just wanted to have his breakfast.

 

When he tried to return to his room he was completely unable to get up even the first step so they called an ambulance for him.

 

A couple of hours later she called the hospital to see how he was doing.

 

The receptionist there said he was fine, he just had both of his legs in one leg of his boxer shorts.

 

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 442 of 2,648

One day out on the golf course, a golfer accidentally overturned his golf cart.

A very attractive woman, who lived in a villa on the golf course, heard the noise, came out onto her balcony and called out to him, "Hey- are you okay?"

"I'm fine, thanks." he replied.

"You look frazzled, the woman said. Come up to my villa for a drink and I will help you get the cart up afterwards."

"That's mighty nice of you." he answered. "But I don't think my wife would like that."

"Oh, come on." the woman, a gorgeous brunette in a sexy bikini, insisted."I can see you cut your head, it could be serious. Let me take care of that right away, I'm a nurse."

She was very persuasive... and he was weak.

"Well okay," he agreed, "But my wife won't like it."

After she bandaged his wound, she gave him a most welcome brandy. They talked about golf, and he discovered she was an avid golfer with a four handicap. 

Finally he confessed, "I'm feeling alot better now, I had better get going. I know my wife is going to be really upset with me being here with you."

"Don't be silly," the woman said with a smile, "She won't know anything . By the way, where is your wife?"

"Under the cart." he replied.  Cat Surprised

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 443 of 2,648

Thank God for dirty dishes....

They have a tale to tell.

While others may go hungry,

We're eating very well.

With home, health and happiness, I shouldn't want to fuss.

By the stack of evidence ,

God's been very good to us! 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 444 of 2,648

Blondes be like.............

 

"I saw your phone. Who the hell is Amber alert ??" 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 445 of 2,648

HEIDI.....       noun...greeting.

 

HIRE YEW.....  Complete sentence. Remainder of greeting. Usuage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

 

BARD... verb. Past tense of "to borrow". Usuage:  "My brother bard my pickup truck."

 

JAWJUH... noun. "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck." 

CAPITAL:   HOT-LANTA.

 

MUNTS.... noun. "I ain't herd from him in munts."

 

FAR..... noun. "If my brother from Jawjuh don't change the all in my pickup truck, that things gonna catch far."     Smiley Surprised

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 446 of 2,648

A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

 

 

My doctor grabbed me by my wallet and said, "Cough!"

 

 

 

The doctor called Mrs. Cohen saying, "Mrs. Cohen, your check came back."  Mrs. Cohen answered, "So did my arthritis!" 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 447 of 2,648

Getting on a plane, I told the ticket lady, "Send one of my bags to New York, send one to Los Angeles, and send one to Miami."

 

She said, "We can't do that !"

 

I told her, "You did it last week. " 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 448 of 2,648

Smith climbed to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord, "God, what does a million years mean to you? "

 

The Lord replies, "A minute."

 

Smith asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"

 

The Lord replies, "A penny."

 

Smith asks, "Can I have a penny?"

 

The Lord replies, "In a minute."  Smiley Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 449 of 2,648

 MEXICAN WORD OF THE DAY :

 

PIKACHU

 

 

"I took my wife to the shoe store. I was tired so I said, "Hurry up and pikachu!" 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 450 of 2,648

A coupl in a nusing home announced that they were getting a divorce after 75 years of marriage. The Chaplain was sent to their apartment to counsel them. "Oh, we've been meaning to do this for years. We were just waiting for the children to die."

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