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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1141 of 2,654

Ma loves Pa.....

Pa loves women...

Ma caught Pa...

With 2 in swimmin'...

Here lies Pa.

 

 

A FATHER is someone

Who carries pictures

Where his money used to be.

 

 

Anyone can be a Father....

But it takes someone special

To be a DAD !

.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1142 of 2,654

They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the already crowded auditorium.With their rich maroon gowns flowing...and the traditional caps, they looked almost...as grown up as they felt.

Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away tears.

This class would NOT pray during commmencements..not by choice, but because of a recent ruling prohibiting it.

The principle and several students were careful to stay within the guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.

The speeches were nice, but they were routine....until the final speech received a standing ovation.

A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and silent for just a moment, and then, it happened........

All 92 students, every single one of them, suddenly SNEEZED!!

The students on stage....simply looked at the audience and said...

"GOD BLESS YOU ! Each and every one of you ! " And walked off the stage....

 

The audience exploded into applause.

 

This is a true story; it happened at the University of Maryland.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1143 of 2,654

HOME OF THE FREE....

 

BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE !

 

 

 

 

ARMY*** NAVY *** MARINES *** AIR FORCE

 

 

 

 

A SAFE MEMORIAL DAY WEEKEND TO ALL !

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1144 of 2,654

A noted psychiatrist was a guest speaker at an academic function where Nancy Pelosi happened to appear. "Would you mind telling me Doc," she asked, "How you detect a mental deficiency in someone who appears normal?"

"Nothing is easier." he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble."

"What sort of question?" asked Pelosi.

"Well, I might ask,.... Captain Cook made 3 trips around the world, and died during one of them. Which one?"

"You wouldn't have another question would you?I must confess I don't know much about history."   Smiley Frustrated

They drive, they breed, they vote ! Be afraid, be very afraid !

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1145 of 2,654

For centuries Hindu women have worn a dot on their foreheads. Most of us have naively thought this was connected with tradition or religion, but the Indian Embassy recently revealed this story:

 

"When an Indian woman gets married, she brings a dowery into the union. On her wedding night, the husband scratches off the dot to see whether he has won a convenience store,a gas station, a donut shop, a taxi cab or a motel in the U.S.

 

If nothing is there, he must remain in India to answer the phones and provide us with Verizon tech support."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Position your seat belt low on your hips, like my grandmother wears her bra.   Woman Very Happy

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1146 of 2,654

Me and you is friends.....

 

You smile....... I smile...

 

You hurt........  I hurt...

 

You cry..........  I cry....

 

You jump off a bridge....

 

I gonna miss your Emails.   Cat Sad

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                      HOME OF THE FREE

 

                  BECAUSE OF THE BRAVE !

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Message 1147 of 2,654

AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL,

OR SO YOU USED TO BE...

LAND OF THE PILGRIM'S PRIDE,

I'M GLAD THEY'LL NEVER SEE.

 

 

BABIES PILED IN DUMPSTERS,

ABORTION ON DEMAND..

OH, SWEET LAND OF LIBERTY,

YOUR HOUSE IS ON THE SAND.

 

OUR CHILDREN WANDER AIMLESSLY,

POISONED BY COCAINE,

CHOOSING TO INDULGE THEIR LUSTS,

WHEN GOD HAS SAID ABSTAIN.

 

FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA,

OUR NATION TURNS AWAY,

FROM THE TEACHING OF GOD'S LOVE,

AND A NEED TO ALWAYS PRAY.

 

WE'VE KEPT GOD IN OUR TEMPLES,

HOW CALLOUS WE HAVE GROWN.

WHEN EARTH IS BUT HIS FOOTSTOOL,

AND HEAVEN IS HIS THRONE.

 

WE'VE VOTED IN A GOVERNMENT,

THAT'S ROTTING AT THE CORE..

APPOINTING GODLESS JUDGES,

WHO THROW REASON OUT THE DOOR.

 

TOO SOFT TO PLACE A KILLER,

IN A WELL DESERVED TOMB.

BUT BRAVE ENOUGH TO KILL A BABY,

BEFORE HE LEAVES THE WOMB.

 

YOU THINK THAT GOD'S NOT ANGRY?

THAT OUR LAND'S A MORAL SLUM?

HOW MUCH LONGER WILL HE WAIT

BEFORE HIS JUDGEMENT COMES?

 

HOW ARE WE TO FACE OUR GOD

FROM WHOM WE CANNOT HIDE?

WHAT THEN IS LEFT FOR US TO DO,

BUT STEM THIS EVIL TIDE?

 

IF WE WHO ARE HIS CHILDREN

WILL HUMBLY TURN AND PRAY,

SEEK HIS HOLY FACE

AND MEND OUR EVIL WAY.

 

THEN GOD WILL HEAR FROM HEAVEN

AND FORGIVE US OF OUR SINS.

HE'LL HEAL OUR SICKLY LAND

AND THOSE WHO LIVE WITHIN.

 

BUT, AMERICA THE BEAUTIFUL,

IF YOU DON'T-THEN YOU WILL SEE,

A SAD HOLY GOD

WITHDRAW HIS HAND FROM THEE.

 

 

JUDGE ROY MOORE

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1148 of 2,654

MAXINE SAYS :

 

 

This year Nurses's Day falls on a full moon....

Like they don't get mooned enough already !

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 1149 of 2,654

Maineiacs (cont.)

 

 

 

You've made a meal out of a Jordan's red-skinned hot-dog and a bag of Humpty Dumpty potato chips.

 

 

You would'nt eat beans in tomato sauce or Manhattan clam chowder if you were starving.

 

 

At least once in your life, a seagull pooped on you.

 

 

Your house converts to a B&B every July & August for people from away that you happen to know.

 

 

You know not to plant tender crops until the last full moon in May.

 

 

When you eat supper at night and dinner at noon.

 

 

You always wave when you see a Maine license plate in another state.

 

 

The area around your back door is referred to as "The dooryard".

 

 

Hope this brought back memories for all of you Maineiacs or former Maineiacs.  Smiley Wink

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Message 1150 of 2,654

MAINEIACS know these things:

 

 

You diet all week so you can consume 40,000 calories at a fair.

 

 

You eat icecream with flavors like "Moose Tracks" and "Maine Black Bear."

 

 

When it snows for inches, you call it 'a dusting."

 

You are surprised to discover there aren't fried clam shacks elsewhere in the country.

 

You've had arguments over the comparative quality of Fried Dough.

 

Your car is covered in yellow-green dust in May.

 

 

 

 

 

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