Rethink your job search and find opportunities for experienced workers with the AARP job board.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 361 of 2,648

Short summary of every Jewish holiday:

 

They tried to kill us,

We won..

Let's eat!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 362 of 2,648

What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?

"Honey, I'm home."

 

Someone stole my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife.

 

She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for an estimate.

 

She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...

 

We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

 

Rodney Dangerfield

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 363 of 2,648

A duck, a skunk, and a deer went out to dinner at a restaurant one night.

When it came time to pay, the skunk didn't have a scent....

The deer didn't have a buck...

So they put the meal on the duck's bill..

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 364 of 2,648

We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.

We at the other end of the Chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. it's one of the greatest advantages of aging.

 

"See ya later alligator!

After a while crocodile! "

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 365 of 2,648

WHEN I WAS A CHILD, I WAS TOLD ANYONE COULD BECOME PRESIDENT.... I'M BEGINNING TO BELIEVE IT !

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 366 of 2,648

At my age, my number one fashion question is:

 

"Can you nap in it?"

 

 

Maxine

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 367 of 2,648

Teacher:     "Whats' the difference between ignorance and apathy?"

Student:      "I don't know, and I don't care."

 

Beautician to client:    "I'll see you pretty soon.."

 

What are you going to be when you get out of school?    Old.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 368 of 2,648

"They hold elections in November,

because it's the best time to

pick out a turkey " 

 

Maxine

 

                GET OUT AND

                    VOTE   !!!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 369 of 2,648

"Leadership and learning are indispensable to each other."

 

John F. Kennedy

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 370 of 2,648

TRY OUR SUNDAYS

THEY ARE BETTER

THAN BASKIN-ROBBINS

 

CAN'T SLEEP?

TRY COUNTING

YOUR BLESSINGS.

 

TRY JESUS

IF YOU DON'T LIKE HIM

THE DEVIL

WILL ALWAYS

TAKE YOU BACK

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