Someone wrote: "We were best friends. After 32 yrs. of marriage and 3kids, I didn't want him touching me anymore. So he found someone else. I never had a lot of interest in sex anyway, I fantasized about it with other men, because he was more like a brother and best friend than a lover. I also thought that he would be losing interest in sex by our 50's and we could grow old together without too much intimacy but I guess that was unrealistic on my part."
I have been married over 20 years. My marriage started showing signs of strain about 4-5 years ago. I am a man, but in my case it was my wife who refused to stick with counseling and therapy until things got better. My wife doesn't really want me touching her, either. She permits it and cooperates but clearly has no interest in me as a sex partner or even as someone with whom to share any other form of physical affection. Is a man supposed to accept this as normal? I don't know.
Sex and affection are normal parts of marriage and men get a bad rap for having affairs, but are we supposed to deny this aspect of our human condition because we are in a partnership with someone who doesn't need it?
Trying to live without affection and love and sex is very painful for me; people live longer and I certainly understand why so many people divorce in their 50s. Once children are grown, is it really fair to the partner who is not getting his or her needs met to stay in the relationship?
