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RUT: why marriages fail after 25 years

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There are so many different reasons but in my opinion long term marriages fail because one or the other or both just don't care, another love interest or just plain boredom..  I call monogamy "monotony".  It kills a relationship every time.

 


 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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If you have a plan - go for it!
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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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They fail in year 3-5 and then just linger on.  Sorry, but true. 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Hi

I was married almost 22 years and together almost 25 years and he decided to leave, he said its due to my lies. which was not true, I took care of that when I went to counseling a long time ago. I was a stay at home Mom , due to injuries I got hurt 4 yrs ago at work. I told my husband everything, I wasnt perfect and either was he. He was a drinker , he drank 3-5 days a week 20 beers a night , which was suppose to be only 11beers a night at the most. But I never said anything , because I Love him and hoping he will cut down again. He also told strangers my buisness , what meds I was on and he promise he wouldnt do that , and he did it twice. He gave me two weeks to find a place , which Thank God I did , and a Job , I had to go back to work , which is hard on me , because of my condition. But now he is treating me bad , for what Im not sure. Thank God Our kids are grown, I even stuck by him last year , when he had cancer, and he told me he treated me like **bleep** , because he hated me. Nice!! I also bought him a brand new truck last year , with my settlement and let him keep it. Im such a bad person huh? This is killing me.

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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My ex did that to me....the sex is great because she was playing around and learning new things, you are letting her have her cake and eat it too....my ex wanted us to "co exist" like that, but that is not a marriage, he was not man enough to admit his affairs or that he was unhappy, or even try to make it work when I begged him to talk to me or try counseling. I had to make the leap. I am the happiest I have been in 10 years. It was a tough road, but I am truly happier. You have to ask yourself alot of questions. Make a list if it helps, but do not live like that, it is not a life. If you step out of the picture and look at who is happiest? it sure doesnt look like it's you. Good luck, it won't be easy, I cried for two years and he raped me in court, but I am truly happier!

I wish I had this article available to me before the divorce, but it explains alot about the behaviors:

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/tracy-schorn/divorcing-the-character-d_b_3001431.html

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Sorry to hear how she chose to wreck you both.
The same thing happened in our marriage. You will hurt, that is for sure. If she thinks she is happy she will be surprised. Hang in there.
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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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You can always start one....
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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Well, obviously I can't analyze your partner but my impulse is to say "You go, girl!"

 

But, on a more serious note, I have to wonder whose idea it was to stay unmarried for 27 years.  Most people who make that sort of decision do it because they don't want to make a commitment for a permanent relationship.  In view of this, I would have a hard time with my partner getting upset with me for "flirting" with someone on Facebook.

 

But it sounds to me that she is ready to make some changes in her life.  Perhaps it's the age, 51 is a big one and it occurs to one that at least half of it has passed and we tend to evaluate the time we have left and decide how we wish to spend it.  

 

On the pro side, she seems to be including you into the changes she's making, at least for now.  You probably have the choice to sit back and enjoy the ride, as you might find you enjoy the person she's becoming, or you can get all upset about it and make it worse.  I couldn't help but notice that your main concern seems to be that YOUR comfort might be disturbed.  

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Hi - Not sure if Im on the correct site / thread, but it's a start and perhaps someone out there and aid me.

I've been in what I considered a very secure relationship for the past 27 years, with a female of now 51 years old.  Obviously we have had our ups and downs, but never like what happened 4 months ago.

We have never married and have no children of the relationship.  We entered everything on a 50/50 basis, and are very successful financially and I believe our sex lives were also good.  also Note that we work together and are professionals

 

About 4 months ago we had a major agrument, and we didn't speak for about 2 weeks. I was more to blame than her. 

In the interium I found her flirting with men on FB which has lead to a breakup in the relationship.

 

She now has a boyfriend and supposely hasn't had sex with him, which I believe her.

 

We still stay in the same house and bed, and often have sex, which somehow has improved 10 fold.

The reason being is that we are both 50/50 and neither wants to give-up their share.

 

I'm emotionally drained and obvioulsy negatively affected, she has almost turned a switch and doesn't seem to have any emotion for me, whatosever!!

It seems to be all abou herself. She has done botox, lost about 12 Kgs, now exercise  on a daily basis, and had her teeth redone and bleached.

Started to wear high heels (never doen before) - always had an excuse not to wear, e.g. uncomfortable.

 

 

My questions:

1. How does a female manage to switch off, and change 180 in 3 weeks after an argurment?

2. Why would she continously have sex with me?

3. During the day she now doesn't want to spend time with me?

4. How do I continue living a decent life?

5. If this is a power game, she is streets ahead of me.

 

This list could carry on, and on, but this is a start

2.

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 10 of 45
Married 29 years. No abuse. A pretty good life. Great kids, now in their 20s.

I had a year long emotional affair with someone in her 30s. DDay was in August. We're stsrting counseling next week. My young friend is in a new relationship and is happy. I miss her. I think about divorce but it would destroy both of us financially. We run s business together and my wife is the earner. I'm the back office. I would take the greater hit financially. Not easy for a white collar 59 year old to find jobs.

Strange what life throws at you when things are supposed to he more settled.
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