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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 11 of 45

ah yes, exercise class.....lets hear it for "yoga bleep" (his most recent and longest cheat and provable) and a womans trust and belief in marriage......no matter what we do , or believed we know deep down, they are no longer in the marriage we just didnt want to see it.....it goes both ways. When you read articles and talk to people...why is it more often than not the men that stray? 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 12 of 45

I think men are more narcissitic, and women try harder, always.....

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 13 of 45

I think men tend to  be more narcissitic which usually to problem when it comes to these issues

 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Mine failed because he no longer wanted to be married, cheated like an animal in heat, it killed me, god i love him, i wanted our marriage to last like my parents marriage 60+ years, we promised each other 50 years....truth be told, i guess you can love someone too much and not see the reality.....you can try all you want but if they dont care....

 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 15 of 45
Do not punish him for ur past relationship or marriage. Pray about it
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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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KP2787,
Have faith and hope...things will change.
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HOPE: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 17 of 45

MYCUPS.gif

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 18 of 45

WOW!!! this is outstanding, for all you ladies & men to talk about marriage. It would be a pleasure to have you on our forum also & run our over 50 socializing board.

http://voiceyouropinion.proboards.com/
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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Someone wrote: "We were best friends. After 32 yrs. of marriage and 3kids, I didn't want him touching me anymore. So he found someone else. I never had a lot of interest in sex anyway, I fantasized about it with other men, because he was more like a brother and best friend than a lover. I also thought that he would be losing interest in sex by our 50's  and we could grow old together without too much intimacy but I guess that was unrealistic on my part."

 

I have been married over 20 years.  My marriage started showing signs of strain about 4-5 years ago.  I am a man, but in my case it was my wife who refused to stick with counseling and therapy until things got better.  My wife doesn't really want me touching her, either.  She permits it and cooperates but clearly has no interest in me as a sex partner or even as someone with whom to share any other form of physical affection.  Is a man supposed to accept this as normal?  I don't know. 

 

Sex and affection are normal parts of marriage and men get a bad rap for having affairs, but are we supposed to deny this aspect of our human condition because we are in a partnership with someone who doesn't need it? 

 

Trying to live without affection and love and sex is very painful for me; people live longer and I certainly understand why so many people divorce in their 50s.  Once children are grown, is it really fair to the partner who is not getting his or her needs met to stay in the relationship? 

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Re: why marriages fail after 25 years

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Message 20 of 45
My ex was a 20 Navy man. For 14 of those years I was a stay at home Mom raising our three children and providing the stability for them as we made our 11 moves. My ex loved to spend money and resented me for not providing an income, while I was very thrifty and made our low income work. I began to resent him because he wasn't willing to work together with me to keep our spending down. The difference was that he was very vocal about his dissatisfaction at my shortcomings, and the verbal abuse wore on me.

When I finally started working again, he complained that I wasn't earning enough money. But he "needed" a new computer every other year, the 3-4 thousand dollars kind, while our family could never take vacations or use our income for the benefit of all of us.

I developed Fibromyalgia. This increased his complaints.

After he retired his new income plus mine made us very comfortable. Two of our kids were in college, so he complained about that expense in his abusive way.

I injured my back which put me out of work. In the meantime he had hired a woman to assist him with writing a book. It didn't take long at all to realize he was having an affair with her while I recovered from back surgery.

Not long after, his abuse was especially awful. I woke up one Saturday morning after he had badly berated me the night before. He was already up. When I went into the kitchen he was there dishing out even more abuse, so I got on the computer in my son's room to check my emails. There was an email from him telling me that the movers were coming and to get my stuff out of the furniture he was taking with him.

And that's how our 24 year marriage ended. He could berate me any time, but he didn't have the guts to tell me face to face that he was leaving me.

When our kids expressed their dismay over his actions, he disowned them.

All of this happened over 8 years ago. I live off my military pension and alimony since I am unable to work. My children look to my ex as nothing more than their sperm donor. We all still deal with the anger at what he did, but we have all moved on and we're very close. One of my children has married and is planning a family.

It took me a long time to learn to be good to myself. Despite my disability I'm much happier now.
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