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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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I am so sorry you have had such a difficult life with your mother! You are justified in your anger with her and you are a wonderful daughter to continue to care for her in spite of all the things she has done to disabuse your trust. I would advise you to find a counselor to talk to, because you do not need to keep all that anger and sadness inside. You might also check and see if there is an agency, like Visiting Angels, that can spend time caring for your mom and give you and your husband a break, even for a few hours. After you have had a chance to speak with a counselor, I would let your mother know that you found out about your inheritance from your father and what she did. Perhaps she will be able to give you a reason for her actions, so at least you have an answer. But that decision is up to you. You are obviously a strong, caring. loving person. I will keep you in my prayers!
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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Since my mom is at home with us, any kind of long vacation is not really possible right now. But since she started hospice care and because we have a network of AMAZING friends helping out, my family takes time to be together. Some weeks it is just going out to dinner while someone is at home with mom. During the summer months we take advantage of the things going on in our city - special nights at the botanical garden, events at the museums - and my husband and I were recently able to have a date night, thanks to our oldest daughter and a great co-worker, that included dinner and concert tickets! The most important thing is to try to build your network of family and friends that are willing to help out once in awhile to give the caregiver a break, no matter how small. To all those who are caregivers, remember you are not alone!

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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Message 1063 of 1,088

My husband and I are finally getting a vacation away from home after three years of no vacations in order to relocate closer to my mom with dementia. I filled her mediplanner up for the whole week, took her to her medical appointment and my niece is on call if she needs anything. Going to Best Friends Animal Society in Utah to volunteer. The animals will boost our spirits and make us smile!

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Re: Welcome to the Online Community!

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Message 1064 of 1,088

I have never done this before When My mother pasted away I became care giver for my sister and brother and they have mental illness and im the one who needs a vacation It is always something or other and im tired all the time my brother was evicted from his apt and now he is living with me and my kids in a tiny house with two other cats its a crazy time right now I need a break thanks for listening. Illia Pagan.

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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Just listening to the little wheels on our carry on bags clicking on the tile floor of the hotel lobby was a cause for excitment!  Reservation had been made and needs had been expressed, (handicapped room as they call it with a small refrigerator). With keys in hand, we took the elevator ride up to our summer escape!! We both sunk into the down-filled comforter & took a deep breath, or was it a sigh. 

 

Since my husband has been diagnosed with Parkinson's 4 years ago, travels have been difficult. Along with the physical manifestations come the mental challenges such as anxiety, paranoia, depression, mental confusion, and even hallucinations. As a caregiver, I feel as if I'm always, "on call".  Health care workers have shifts, caregivers do not!  I have found that I leave many a task unfinished around the house so that I can tend to an immediate need. Nevertheless, with the help of medication, his situation improved & we decided to take a summer break! 

 

Oh, and by the way, the hotel with the amazing balcony view of the courtyard pool and fabulous room service meal was only 4 miles from our home! It was the 4th of July and the parade went directly in front of the hotel. We watched the patriotic floats, bands, and beauty queens pass by until fatigue set in and so back into our beautiful oasis we retired. In the afternoon we took a short walk  downtown, an area which brought back many happy memories, then later that evening after a lovely afternoon nap, we went to the top of the parking garage with other guests to see the city fireworks! The evening was capped off watching late night movies on TV until sleep deprived us of learning, "Who done it"!

 

The next morning after sleeping late and enjoying a leisurely breakfast, we packed up our little suitcases and bid one and all good bye. As our little luggage wheels clicked on the tile lobby floor approaching the parking garage, I felt that this short respite had recharged my battery and had given us some much needed quiet time without all the interruptions of daily life at home.  No, caregivers don't have shifts, but even a minor shift for 48 hours can remind us that we can still enjoy those hazy, lazy, crazy days of summer with those we love when they need us the most. 

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Re: AARP Online Community Caregiving Summer Travel Contest 2018

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Message 1066 of 1,088

I took care of my mom for 12 years and I did absolute everything and worked 40 hrs a week,too.I loved my mom dearly and that's why I  did what I did.She was a nurse for 34 years.Then she  got worse and was diagnosed with  cancer and I definitely  told the doctors,my can't  do  any kind of chemo.She is not eating and no .I am going to  take mom home and be on comfort care.And that's  what I did.She was comfort and did not suffet.But I miss my mom dearly  and she was a great mom.I miss my mom.

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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Message 1067 of 1,088

I am 63 and have been the caregiver for my 31 year old son who received a TBI almost 7 years ago. This is not my first time as a caregiver as I was married twice and each had cancer and my mom had Alzheimer’s. My son is difficult to handle because of cognitive reasoning and Executive function problems. His behavior when he does not get his way is like a toddlers meltdown. The only thing that calms him and keeps him mellow is his medical marijuana ( it treats his seizures also) Because of his OCD behaviors and his marijuana use makes traveling or staying anywhere impossible. So basically vacations are a thing of the past . He used to sleep days and up nites for over 6 years and has just started having a more normal sleep patterns. I always say never say never though.

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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Message 1068 of 1,088

THIS IS OUR WINNER FOR THE OVERALL CONTEST!!

 

I am a mother of a 16 year old twins, a boy and a girl. My son is on the autism spectrum. Vacationing was always a challenge for us, especially when he was small. I remember going to a water park one vacation when he was around 8 years old. There where lots of rides, kids screaming and laughing and splashing and tons of trinkets to buy. On the way to the park we talked about what he could expect and what it would look like so he would be prepared for all of the different stimulation he might experience. I prayed he would not get too over loaded. We were there about an hour and he was doing until he saw the arcade. I saw the melt down before it even began. He ran to the arcade and started to demand the attendant let him see and touch the prizes. He was talking fast, wringing his hands and I knew...time to go! My husband was behind me with the keys and my daughter had our beach bag and towels, they saw it coming too. My husband handed me the keys and my daughter and I began to walk towards the exit. I turned around and my husband had scooped him up and out of his pocket he took a small green ball, alot like one of the prizes you could win at the arcade and he showed it to my son while he held him and walked out of the arcade. My son took the ball and began to calm down. I was so grateful for my husband being so on top of it that day. We did leave the park and didn't go back for a few years but I still cherish that memory of my husband holding my son and diffusing that situation.

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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Message 1069 of 1,088

@AARPTeri wrote:

 

Summertime often means taking breaks and planning vacations. Both of these can be a bit tricky while caring for a loved one.  Have you traveled with your loved one recently or are you planning to?  

Share your experience here and you will be entered in our Caregiving Summer Travel Contest 2018 and could win one of the weekly $100 gift cards or a chance for the overall winning prize of $500 gift card. Your story may be advice or inspirational!

Review rules here:  https://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/AARP-Caregiving-Summer-Break-Contest-2018/m-p/2023713#M67



@AARPTeri wrote:

 

Summertime often means taking breaks and planning vacations. Both of these can be a bit tricky while caring for a loved one.  Have you traveled with your loved one recently or are you planning to?  

Share your experience here and you will be entered in our Caregiving Summer Travel Contest 2018 and could win one of the weekly $100 gift cards or a chance for the overall winning prize of $500 gift card. Your story may be advice or inspirational!

Review rules here:  https://community.aarp.org/t5/Caregiving/AARP-Caregiving-Summer-Break-Contest-2018/m-p/2023713#M67


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Re: AARP Caregiving Summer Break Contest

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Message 1070 of 1,088
  1. I   have  never been on any vacation,  at  67 and 10 months,   sounds good,  and I have often  think about it,  but deep down inside I cannot trust anyone with my autistc son or my daughter  who suffer with seizures wh3n she sleeps,  then it comes with where am I going to get money to even travel,  on a fix income retirement, It is and not easy at all, so I h@ve learned to be thankful for the little enjoyment we share with each other,  the small things,  love, love love it all narrows down to.
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