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- Re: Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and carto...
Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.
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Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.
Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves.
BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....
A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.
He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............
"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."
Solved! Go to Solution.
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@GailL1 thank you for your kind comments.
I started posting on AARP in January 2009. There have been many changes since then.
The Front Porch and other topics are a much kinder place than back in those days. Politics are a no, no now.
So is religion and arguments.
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A 72 year-old guy loves to fish.
He was sitting in his boat the other day when he heard a voice say, โPick me up.โ
He looked around and couldnโt see anyone.
He thought he was dreaming when he heard the voice say again, โPick me up.โ
He looked in the water and there, floating on the top, was a frog.
The man said, โAre you talking to me?โ
The frog said, โYes, Iโm talking to you. Pick me up, then kiss me, and Iโll turn into the most beautiful woman you have ever seen. Iโll make sure that all your friends are envious and jealous because I will be your bride!โ
The man looked at the frog for a short time, reached over, picked it up carefully, and placed it in his front pocket.
The frog said, โWhat, are you nuts? Didnโt you hear what I said? I said kiss me and I will be your beautiful bride.โ
He opened his pocket, looked at the frog and said, โNah, at my age Iโd rather have a talking frog.โ
With age comes wisdom.
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After a meeting several days ago, I couldnโt find my keys. I quickly gave myself a personal โTSA Pat Down.โ
They werenโt in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the carโs ignition. Heโs afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen.
Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: โI left my keys in the car and itโs been stolen.โ
There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. โAre you kidding me?โ he barked, โI dropped you off!โ
Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, โWell, can you come and get me?โ
He retorted, โI will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didnโt steal your car!โ
Welcome to the golden yearsโฆ
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- Your kids are becoming youโฆbut your grandchildren are perfect!
- ~ Going out is goodโฆ Coming home is better!
- ~ You forget namesโฆBut itโs OK because other people forgot they even knew you!
- ~ You realize youโre never going to be really good at anythingโฆespecially golf.
- ~ The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you donโt care to do them anymore.
- ~ You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. Itโs called โpre-sleepโ.
- ~ You miss the days when everything worked with just an โONโ and โOFFโ switch..
- ~ You tend to use more 4 letter words โฆ โwhat?โโฆโwhen?โโฆ ??
- ~ Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, itโs not safe to wear it anywhere.
- ~ You notice everything they sell in stores is โsleevelessโ?
- ~ What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
- ~ Everybody whispers.
- ~ You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closetโฆ. 2 of which you will never wear.
- ~ But โoldโ is good in some things: Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!
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Observations on Aging
Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! My theory on aging is that I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.
Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.
When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.
One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young.
You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"
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