Senior Citizen stories, Senior jokes and cartoons.

[DaveMcK]

Hope this topic gives us another winner. Senior stories, jokes or cartoons to enjoy and have fun laughing at ourselves. 

BEST EVER SENIOR CITIZEN JOKE.....

A little silver-haired lady calls her neighbor and says, "Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get started."
Her neighbor asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"
The little silver haired lady says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster."
Her neighbor decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box, then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster." He takes her hand and says, "Secondly, I want you to relax. Let's have a nice cup of tea" and then he said with a deep sigh ............

"Let's put all the Corn Flakes back in the box."

[LydiaN586309 · Accepted solution]

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[DaveMcK · Accepted solution]

[DaveMcK]

• Your kids are becoming you…but your grandchildren are perfect!
• ~ Going out is good… Coming home is better!
• ~ You forget names…But it’s OK because other people forgot they even knew you!
• ~ You realize you’re never going to be really good at anything…especially golf.
• ~ The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don’t care to do them anymore.
• ~ You sleep better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than in bed. It’s called “pre-sleep”.
• ~ You miss the days when everything worked with just an “ON” and “OFF” switch..
• ~ You tend to use more 4 letter words … “what?”…”when?”… ??
• ~ Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it’s not safe to wear it anywhere.
• ~ You notice everything they sell in stores is “sleeveless”?
• ~ What used to be freckles are now liver spots.
• ~ Everybody whispers.
• ~ You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet…. 2 of which you will never wear.
• ~ But “old” is good in some things:  Old Songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

[DaveMcK]

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:

“And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” the reporter asked.

She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”

[DaveMcK]

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

She turned to me and asked, “Are you having it catered?”

And that, my friends, is the sad definition of “OLD”!

[DaveMcK]

[dl73698250]

That's funny.

[DaveMcK]

Observations on Aging

Some people try to turn back their odometers. Not me! My theory on aging is that I want people to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and many of the roads weren't paved.

First you forget names, then you forget faces. Then you forget to pull up your zipper.

Being young is beautiful, but being old is comfortable.

When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth, remember Algebra.

One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is better than being young.

You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming "WOO HOO what a ride!"

[dl73698250]

Remember Algebra? I liked algebra. I got straight A's in it. And, I still think I was better off as a kid than I am now. But, I know what you're trying to say.

[DaveMcK]

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[BrightDays]

Hillarious!

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[dl73698250]

Don't Fear The Reaper (Blue Oyster Cult).