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Gold Conversationalist

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

 Joke deleted

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Gold Conversationalist

Actual GED test questions and results administered to 16 yr.olds:

 

Q.    What is a terminal illness?

A.    When you are sick at the airport.

 

Q.      What does the word "benign ' mean?

A.       Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

Gold Conversationalist

SWIFT truck that's slow, equals........

 

OXY**bleep**

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What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

 

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

 

How do you know when you run out of invisible ink?

Gold Conversationalist

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism , to steal from many is research.

 

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

 

I almost had a psychic girlfriend, but she left me before we met.

 

How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

 

 

 

 

 

Gold Conversationalist

Last night I left my dentures under my pillow. The tooth fairy must have come because she left me a pile of Monopoly money with a note that read... "Nice try."

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"Don't worry about avoiding temptation.. As you grow older, it will avoid you."

 

 

Sir Winston Churchill

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A man goes to a psychiatrist.. The doctor says,  "You're crazy!" The man says, "I want a second opinion."   "Okay, you're ugly too !"

Gold Conversationalist

Apparently the WH didn't get the memo:

 

I thought that I was supposed to accomplish something before I was allowed to be proud of myself.

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If it's true we are here to help others, then what exactly are they here for?

Gold Conversationalist

If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from Holland called Holes?

Gold Conversationalist

"Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses

yearning to breathe free.

The wretched refuse of your teeming shore

Send these, the homeless temptest-tossed to me.

I light my lamp beside

the golden door!"

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A VERY SAFE, HAPPY 4TH OF JULY TO ALL !  

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Driver:

 

" What am I supposed to do with this speeding ticket?"

 

Officer:

 

"Keep it, when you collect four of them, you can get a bicycle."

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He who laughs last...

must be buried in the South.

Gold Conversationalist

Ever hear the one about the doctor who gave the man 6 months to live?

The man couldn't pay his bill, so the doctor gave him another 6 months...

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If you were earning cash in your spare time, it wouldn't be spare time. It'd be work.

 

 

maxine

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The reason Politicians try so hard to get re-elected is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed.

 

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"It's...... ONE NATION UNDER GOD ...

Or bite my skinny old **bleep**  and leave!"

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SENIOR CAMPBELL'S:

 

New large- type Alphabet soup ! Smiley Surprised

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REMEMBER...   A day without a smile, is like a day without sunshine.

 

And a day without sunshine, is like.....                            night!!!!

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I don't think all politicians are stupid, but the smart ones are sure good at hiding !

 

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There should be a support group for women who can't put their dishes in the dishwasher dirty...

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Growing old is only

a state of mind.

brought on by gray hair,

false teeth,

wrinkles, a pot belly,

and an overall feeling

of being totally pooped.

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Ma loves Pa....

Pa loves women...

Ma caught Pa..

With one in swimmin'

Here lies Pa.

 

 

HAPPY FATHER'S DAY  to all the dads out there...Biological and otherwise.♥

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God took the strength of a mountain..

The majesty of a tree

The warmth of a summer sun

The calm of a quiet sea

The generous soul of nature

The comforting arm of night

The wisdom of age

The power of the eagle's flight

The joy of a morning in spring

The faith of a mustard seed

The patience of eternity

The depth of a family need....

 

Then He combined these qualities..

When there was nothing more to add,

He knew His masterpiece was complete.

 

And so.... He called it     DAD  .

 

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If you must burn our flag.... please wrap yourself in it first.

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Gold Conversationalist

Anyone can be a father..

But it takes someone special to be a

    Dad !

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Gold Conversationalist

I absolutely love flying....

 

I've been to almost as many places as my luggage....

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Real women don't have hot flashes...

They have Power Surges !

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"Some may own castles on the banks of the Rhine and hire an orchestra each evening at nine.

But richer than I they will never be..

I had a Dad who spent time with me."

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