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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 421 of 2,647

"If life 's a journey,

mine is

between

the fridge

and the

computer."

 

 

"When I get a headache, I take

2 aspirin and keep

away from children

just like it says 

on the bottle."

 

"Be nice to nurses

they keep doctors

from

killing you." 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 422 of 2,647
Many thanks ! ☺
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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 423 of 2,647

AUNTY ACID SAYS..

 

"I try to avoid things that make me fat...

 

Like....

 

Scales, mirrors

and photographs."

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 424 of 2,647

One woman said to another at a cocktail party.. "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?"

 

The other replied, "I married the wrong man." 

 

 

In a divorce court a woman requested the judge," Your Honor, I want to divorce my husband." 

 

"But why?" asked the Judge. She replied, "My Lord, not a single child resembles him!"

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Valued Social Butterfly
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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 425 of 2,647

When you're in the checkout line and they ask you if you found everything ... say"Why, are you hiding something?"

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 426 of 2,647

A blonde is driving her car and turns on the radio. It says that 2 Brazilian men were killed. She starts crying and says................ ( wait for it )...............

"How many is a Brazilian?"

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 427 of 2,647

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her . He looked at her slowly....then said, " You're A.B.C.D.E.F.G.H.I.J.K."

 

She asks, "What does that mean?"

 

He said, "Adorable, Beautiful,Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Fancy,Gorgeous, Honey.

She smiled happily and said, "Oh, that's lovely, what about I, J,K?"

 

He said, "I'm just kidding."

 

His eye is swollen....but it will get better,

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 428 of 2,647

 

She sends the following message:

 

My love if you're sleeping, send me your dreams..

If you're smiling, send me your smile.

If you're crying, send me your tears.

 

He responds:

 

"I'm in the toilet. What do I send?"

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 429 of 2,647

Women are like phones..

They like to be held, talked to and touched often.

But push the wrong button and you're disconnected. 

 

People say there is no difference between COMPLETE & FINISH.

But there is... When you marry the right one, you are COMPLETE.

And when you marry the wrong one, you are FINISHED.

And when the right one catches you with the wrong one,

You are....COMPLETELY FINISHED.

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 430 of 2,647

Every wife is a "Mistress" for her husband.

"Miss" for one hour, & "Stress" for the remaining 23 hours!

 

There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman.

Before marriage and after marriage.

 

My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God, and I didn't.

 

Husband throwing darts at his wife's photo.

And not even a single one hitting the target...

From another room wife called the husband:

"Honey what are you doing?"

Husband... "Missing you!". 

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