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Message 991 of 2,655

You know you're from Maine, when you can use the heat and the A/C the same day !

 

 

In 1939 the New York Times predicted that the TV would fail, as people would not take the time to stop and stare at a screen.

 

 

Sign in a restaurant:

 

NO we do not have WI-FI !

 

Talk to each other !!

 

 

Wine is to women, as duct tape is to men...

 

They both fix anything.

 

 

Dance like no one is watching, Because everyone is on their phones,

 

So no one is watching !

 

 

 

                        A TERRIFIC TUESDAY TO ALL ! 

 

 

 

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Message 992 of 2,655

Been married for twenty years and I still carry my wife's picture in my wallet.

 

Whenever I have difficulties, I take out my wallet, and stare at her picture.

 

It comeforts me to know that...........

 

If I survived being married to this psycho, I can survive anything !  Smiley LOL

 

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Message 993 of 2,655

I just received an audit on my taxes for 2012 from the IRS !  It puzzles me...

 

They are questioning how many dependents I claimed. I guess it's because of my response to the question.. "List all Dependents".  

 

I replied, "12 million illegal immigrants, 3 million crack heads, 42 million unemployed people on food stamps, 2 million people in over 243 prisons, and 535 persons in the House and Senate, plus 1 useless President.

 

Evidently this was not an acceptable answer...

 

I keep asking myself  .  "Who the Hell did I miss?"  Smiley Sad 

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Message 994 of 2,655

MAXINE SAYS:

 

 

" Instead of a sign that says, "Do not disturb"... I need one that says,

 

"Already disturbed, proceed with caution."     Man Tongue

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Message 995 of 2,655

Question:

 

Where does a one-armed man shop?

 

Ans:

 

At a second-hand store...

 

 

 

Question:

 

Where does satisfaction come from?

 

Ans:

 

A satis-factory.

.

 

 

 

                   A WONDERFUL WEDNESDAY TO ALL

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Message 996 of 2,655

What's the difference between deer nuts and beer nuts?

 

Ans: 

 

Beer nuts are $1.69 a lb.

 

Deer nuts are under a buck.  Smiley Embarassed

 

 

 

 

                             A terrific Tuesday to all !

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Message 997 of 2,655

 

 

                   HOW TO HANDLE STRESS LIKE A DOG...

 

 

 

If you can't eat it or play with it....

 

then pee on it and walk away.

 

 

 

 

Lack of planning on your part...

doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.

 

 

 

I will not yell in class...

I will not throw things...

I will not tease the other kids...

I am the teacher

I am the teacher !

 

 

 

NEVER PUT YOUR KEY TO HAPPINESS

IN SOMEONE ELSE'S POCKET.

 

 

 

THE FIRST 50 YEARS OF MARRIAGE, ARE ALWAYS THE HARDEST.

 

 

 

 

                     Have a marvelous Monday !  Smiley Wink

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Message 998 of 2,655

MAXINE SAYS:

 

 

"I am sorry, but after hearing they want to sing the National Anthemn in Spanish..enough is enough !

 

No where did they sing it in Italian, Polish, Irish (Celtic), German or any other language because of immigration.

 

It was written by Francis Scott Key and should be sung word for word the way it was written .

 

The news broadcasts even gave the translation....not even close.

 

Sorry if this offends anyone, but this is MY COUNTRY- IF IT IS YOUR COUNTRY SPEAK UP !

 

I am not against immigration...just come through like everyone else. Get a sponsor, have a place to lay your head, have a job, live by the rules and LEARN THE LANGUAGE as all immigrants have in the past...and

GOD BLESS AMERICA !

 

 

 

               GO GREEN AMERICA...... RECYCLE CONGRESS !

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Message 999 of 2,655

TODAY IS THE OLDEST

 

YOU'VE EVER BEEN....

 

AND THE YOUNGEST YOU'LL

 

EVER BE !

 

 

 

SO START LIVING !!

 

 

 

 

 

FRIENDS ARE LIKE SEASHELLS..

 

NO TWO ARE EXACTLY ALIKE,

 

BUT EACH IS A PRECIOUS TREASURE!

 

 

 

 

FOR THE PRICE OF A ONE- YEAR GYM MEMBERSHIP...

 

I CAN REPLACE MY ENTIRE WARDROBE

 

WITH LARGER CLOTHES.   Smiley Very Happy

 

 

 

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Message 1000 of 2,655

                               WATCH YOURSELF

 

 

 

Watch your thoughts...

They become words

 

 

Watch your words....

They become actions.

 

 

Watch your actions...

They become habits.

 

 

Watch your habits...

They become character.

 

 

Watch your character..

It becomes your destiny!

 

 

 

 

 

"IF NOTHING EVER CHANGED, THERE'D BE NO BUTTERFLIES."

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