Reply
Highlighted
Periodic Contributor

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,852 Views
Message 1011 of 2,655
It "rains" everyday in England. The Queen reigns!
Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Trusted Contributor

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,926 Views
Message 1012 of 2,655

If you can relate to this , you are already in trouble!

https://www.youtube.com/embed/LR2qZ0A8vic?rel=0

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Gold Conversationalist

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,955 Views
Message 1013 of 2,655

If you like having sex while listening to music.. always choose a live album. That way you'll get applause every 3-4 minutes.  Smiley Wink

 

 

 

A pharmaceutical truck full of Viagra was stolen today. Police have asked the public to be on the lookout for a group of hardened criminals.Smiley LOL

 

 

 

 

This PC is equipped with an airbag, in case I fall asleep.   Smiley Frustrated

 

 

 

Home PCs are the perfect thing for women who don't feel that men provide them with enough frustration ! 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                            Talk to each other !! 

 

                            Call your mom !

 

                            Pretend it's 1993 !

 

                                     LIVE !

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Periodic Contributor

Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,999 Views
Message 1014 of 2,655
A China man & a Jew are drinking at a bar. Suddenly the Jew stands up & throws his drink in the Chinaman's face. "What was that for?" asked the China man. "That was for Pearl Harbor!" replied the Jew. "Pearl Harbor was the Japanese not the Chinese!" exclaimed the China man. "Chinese,Japanese you all look alike to me!" retorted the Jew. How am I going to get him back? thought the China man as he wiped his face with a bar towel. Suddenly he throws his drink in the Jew's face. "Oy vey!" shouted the Jew. "What was that for?"."That was for the Titanic!". "The Titanic was sunk by an iceberg!". "Iceberg,Goldberg you all look alike to me!"
Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Trusted Contributor

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

2,015 Views
Message 1015 of 2,655

God Bless Joan! Real Guts! She would support this effort, I think:

 

PLEASE DON'T FORGET NEXT SATURDAY!
WALK NAKED IN AMERICA DAY

As you may already know, it is a sin for a Muslim male to see any woman other than his wife naked and if he does, he must commit suicide.
So next Saturday at 1 P.M.Eastern Time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort.
All patriotic men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to demonstrate their support for the women and to prove that they are not Muslim terrorist sympathizers.
Since Islam also does not approve of alcohol, a cold 6-pack at your side is further proof of your patriotism.
The American government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
God Bless America!!
P.S.  If you don't send this to at least 1 person, you're a terrorist-sympathizing, lily-livered coward and are possibly aiding and abetting terrorists.

 

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Trusted Contributor

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

2,020 Views
Message 1016 of 2,655
Subject: Senior Manifesto
 
RETIRED PERSON'S MANIFESTO ON HEALTH
 
As I was lying in bed pondering the problems of the world, I rapidly realized that I don't really give a hoot.  It's the tortoise life for me!
 
1. If walking is good for your health, the postman would be immortal.
2. A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, and is fat.
3. A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 15 years.
4. A tortoise doesn't run and does nothing, yet it lives for 450 years, and you tell me to exercise??  I don't think so.
 
I'm retired. Go around me.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
 
Now that I'm older here's what I've discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
 
2. My wild oats have turned into prunes and all-bran.
 
3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.
 
4. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
 
5. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
 
6. If all is not lost, where is it?
 
7. It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.
 
8. Some days, you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.
 
9. I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.
 
10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.
 
11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.
 
12. It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.
 
13. The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.
 
14. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he'd have put them on my knees.
 
15. When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone want to play chess?
 
16. Itâs not hard to meet expenses . . . they're everywhere.
 
17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
 
18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter . . .I go somewhere to get something, and then              wonder what I'm hereafter.
19. Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded.
 
20. DID I POST THIS BEFORE..........??????
Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Gold Conversationalist

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

2,022 Views
Message 1017 of 2,655

Last night I left my dentures under my pillow...

 

The tooth fairy must have come, because she left me a pile of Monopoly money, with a note that said....

 

"Nice try !!  "

 

 

 

 

                       A MARVELOUS MONDAY TO ALL !

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Gold Conversationalist

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,958 Views
Message 1018 of 2,655

Did you know?

 

 

Line dancing was created by women waiting to go to the bathroom?

 

 

 

When a woman tells a man, "Correct me if I'm wrong...... DON'T !!

 

 

 

The most memorable people in life will be the friends who loved you even when you were not that lovable.

 

 

 

 

LANDSCAPING BUSINESS SIGN:

 

Spring is here...

I'm so excited, I wet my plants .

 

 

 

I ate 4 cans of alphabet soup.

I just took probably the biggest vowel movement ever !

 

 

 

                         HAVE A SUPER SUNDAY !

 

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Gold Conversationalist

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,775 Views
Message 1019 of 2,655

                       THE BEST OF JOAN RIVERS

 

 

 

"No man ever put his hand up a woman's skirt looking for a library card!"

 

 

"I knew I was an unwanted baby, when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio!"

 

 

"I blame my mother for my poor sex life. All she told me was 'the man goes on top and the woman underneath'. For 3 years my husband and I slept in bunkbeds."

 

 

"I wish I had a twin, so I could see what I'd look like without plastic surgery."

 

 

"I don't exercise. If God wanted me to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."

 

 

"My husband wanted to be cremated. I told him I would scatter his ashes at Neiman Marcus. That way I 'd visit him everyday." 

Report Inappropriate Content
Highlighted
Gold Conversationalist

Re: RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

1,684 Views
Message 1020 of 2,655

HICKPHONICS cont.

 

 

 

FARN......."I cuddin't unnerstand a wurd he sed... must be from some farn country."

 

 

 

DID......... Not alive... "He's did, Jim!"

 

 

 

Ear.......... "He cain't breathe...give 'im some ear !"

 

 

 

BOB WAR...." Boy, stay away from that bob war fence!"

 

 

JEW HERE... "Jew here that my brother from Jawjuh got a job with that bob war fence cump'ny?"

 

 

HAZE......... "Is Bubba smart?"  "Nah ...haze ignert."

 

 

SEED........ "Bubba Seed are bard pickup."   ( saw borrowed)

 

 

GUMMIT..... "Them gummit boys shore are ignert!"  ( government)

 

 

 

              HAVE A FABULOUS FRIDAY !

Report Inappropriate Content
cancel
Showing results for 
Show  only  | Search instead for 
Did you mean: 
Users
Announcements

Take Pen Pal Safety Precautions:
Learn more.

Top Authors