Not my first time grieving

[DianeB887812]

I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog. 

So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can.

And find support... here I am.

[Winter2024]

👋  Good Morning my friend!!!

HOPE you were able to sleep LAST NIGHT.

I just fed Mr.  🐈,  my 6am ET wake up call or I would still be in bed and probably stay in it ALL DAY. Knowing he is OUTSIDE my door waiting, makes me get up as soon as my 2 alarms go off.

MONDAYS are my Kroger Day to cash in any WINNING Scratch-Off Lottery tickets. I also REINVEST. I only do the $1 and $2 ones and just for a FUN and a reason to LEAVE my Studio Apt. My buddy David at their Customer Service counter is on vacation. Fellow OLD person.

Any plans for TODAY?  🤔

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

[DianeB887812]

I got a few hours of sleep. I’m thinking through the details of taking Stephen’s ashes to his final destination. Over and over I play out every detail to make sure it goes smoothly. I am the only one that will be there but I’m obsessing over the weather, making sure I have a snack to keep my blood sugar up but not too far up. I also used Google maps to see where the docks are at and where to check in. I keep replaying every detail in my mind. Nope very little sleep last night. Hope for a nap today as I bet I will not sleep tonight either. But then after tomorrow, I will be able to stop thinking about it. I am an obsessive worrier.

Hope you have a nice day. 

[DianeB887812]

Just got back from a walk. Was thinking of you @Winter2024 and your friend that gives you such lovely gifts. He wants to make sure you do not starve!

On another note, I just remembered something my old grief friends used to say. “Grief, you can’t just get over it, or around it or underneath it, you have to go through it. “

When I start to get frustrated with the effects of grief, I repeat this to my self, let out a sigh, and know it will eventually get better as I accept this new life. 

As I was talking with my friends at the dog park , I was reminded that along with the pain of loss, comes some freedoms that you lose when making compromises to live peacefully with your spouse. I now have complete control of the remote for the TV. 😮

[Winter2024]

AN UPDATE: IT IS A CHIPMUNK AND WE BOTH SCARED EACH OTHER WHEN I WENT IN TO EMPTY CONTAINER. EVEN WORE MY SNAKE SHOES (OUTSIDE SHOES) INSTEAD OF SANDALS I WEAR INSIDE. IN CASE HE RAN OVER MY TOES. GOSH, NOW TO HOPE HE/SHE USES THE ESCAPE PATH I HAVE SET UP.

Lol, let me post this NOW as one NEVER knows these days when one will FALL ASLEEP and as you know I am famous for nodding off.

Girl, I am now RECOVERED but earlier, guess what my little angel brought through my door.

Now I have seen this on TV and Ms. Geraldine (the lady that seems to have moved, reason I now feed him) had said that he better NOT do this.

He came in with a baby squirrel in his mouth which ESCAPED and ran into my utility room.  😱😱😱

Poor baby!!!  😭😭😭

I TRIED to kind of look around for it with my flashlight and even used a stool to reach the light bulb to turn on. Yes, the switch does NOT work.

I am hoping he/she gets back outside. Trying NOT to shut door until as long as possible. Front door is beside utility room.

Here I was watching the French version of Agatha Christie small murders on my android, feet up.

I YELLED at him. Was so upset.

Anyway, I guess that was his GIFT to me.

Speaking of KIND folks.

One of my neighbors just stopped by and asked IF we could exchange phone numbers. She is like a daughter to me. AJ, her 6 year old son, my grandson.

Okay, I think I have worn out your ears enough.  🙄🙄🙄

Hope you had a PEACEFUL day after the dog park and get some rest tonight.

I actually slept last night and GRATEFUL.

Still missing my daughter in Florida but TRUSTING life will work things out so we can BOTH be settled somewhere and near each other.

Life TOOK AWAY yesterday.

Life REPLACED today.

Luv you,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

@DianeB887812 

[DianeB887812]

My goodness that was exciting. Around here the gifts from cats to owners tends to be lizards. We have tones of baby iguanas. 

On another note I’ve looked around in my account and do not see anything about private messaging.  It may be because I have not joined AARP. Is that going to be a problem?

[GailL1]

@DianeB887812 

It might be that you just don’t have the private messaging turn on - I don’t know what the techs use as the default.

To see what is turned on in your profile or to change it -

Go to “My Settings”, then to “Preferences”. - from the list of preferences - the last one in line is the “Private Messaging”. - Go there and then see what is check as your PM option - it it is not on - just turn it on -

Then don’t forget to SAVE your setting (at the bottom).  Then you should see a little envelope at the top of the page, around your name, that’s the PM icon.  Only shows when you are signed in.

[DianeB887812]

Well it looks like I have managed to muck up my profile somehow. When I go to my settings the page does not completely load. I’m a bit tired right now. I’ll try again tomorrow when I’m fresh and can think better. 

[Winter2024]

Lol, I am NOT a member either. I am NOT sure how PMs get set up. Mine was like yours = no PM setup until the AARP Moderator @Underbat sent me a PM. Lol, maybe we can ask him to send you one. No, NOT an issue. Hmmm, let me see IF I can say what you need to know in code so I do not get in trouble with AARP.  😉😉😉  I will only be chatting in your thread. I cannot post why but hopefully you have visited where I use to chat and read the last thing that was posted.

Luv you my friend,

Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** DIANE wrote: My goodness that was exciting. Around here the gifts from cats to owners tends to be lizards. We have tones of baby iguanas. 

On another note I’ve looked around in my account and do not see anything about private messaging.  It may be because I have not joined AARP. Is that going to be a problem? ***]

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[DianeB887812]

My career was in information technology starting back in 1977. I have a high tolerance for glitchy systems. I also have a knack for finding my way around the glitches. It’s like the ultimate puzzle. So no worries here. And now that I see the result of posting the way they are asking us to, it makes sense and I even like it. 

I was going to go to the dog park again today but I just could not put my phone down last night. Once presented with a chalange I have a hard time letting go. It’s what made me very successful in my career. 
But lost sleep because of my tenacity has always been a problem. I used to program in my sleep. I would wake up with the solution and could not wait to get to work to implement them. 

So today will be a day off. I’ll watch some movies. I have an eggplant that I’m going to roast and make some babaganoush. That and a low carb tortilla as a flat bread is very yummy. 
Tomarrow I will get some cash to tip the deckhand and some fresh flowers to send off with Stephen on his long voyage. 

I Hope you have a peaceful day. And soak those toes!

[Winter2024]

👣  1 step at a time  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

I went to the dog park again today. No rain so more of my old friends there today. I will be invited to their weekly lunches. They are a fun group of people and their dogs are very friendly. This is something I will be doing more of. They don’t care that I do not have a dog right now. Isn’t that nice. 

[Winter2024]

👋  Good Morning dear Diane @DianeB887812 , ENJOY your walk this morning!!!  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

How about that. I slept in until 6am today. I need to do another round of bladder training. That’s where I sit on the potty every 2 hours and drink a small glass of water afterwards. It trains my body to not wake me up at 3 in the morning. 

[DianeB887812]

I did catch a nap but just now had wake up to go empty the bladder. Maybe the 3am wake-up call will not happen tomorrow. You have a restful night. Hugs. 

[Winter2024]

😴  SWEET dreams Diane @DianeB887812  🤗🤗🤗

[DianeB887812]

You too @Winter2024 

Hugs to ya. 

[SamM982312]

Sorry to hear you’re dealing with this again. I’ve been through a similar experience, and it’s tough each time. I found that taking walks and soaking up some sunshine helped me a lot. Also, don’t hesitate to reach out for support—sometimes just talking to someone can make a big difference. Take care of yourself and be patient with the process. 

[DianeB887812]

OK TEAM!

That was alot for me to just skim for now.. Information overload happens easily right now... BUT I will revisit this post to find interesting things to try. Thank you ALL for all this information..

[Winter2024]

👣 1 step at a time  🤗🤗🤗

[mc6844]

That is so nice!

[Winter2024]

Hi Diane @DianeB887812 , SO GLAD you stopped by to see us dear friend. What type of support are you seeking? Some of us chat here each day. Some seek out counseling. While others stay super busy so as not to think. I am ALWAYS here for you. Nicole  🤗🤗🤗

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[*** DIANE wrote: I was hoping that having been though this before, I would have an easier time of it this time, but apparently this looks just like the last time. I'm walking around in a fog. 

So I just have to be kind to myself. Take plenty of walks (sunshine helps). Eat healthy (I lost 20 lbs while caretaking) Sleep if I can when I can.

And find support... here I am. ***]

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[DianeB887812]

Just looking for a forum where I can share my day to day recovery. I had found one the first time around and it was very helpful, but that forum is no longer active.

[mc6844]

Diane, you'll find kind supportive people here that can offer support and suggestions for grief and loss, and daily life. There's no drama just like Nicole says.