AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Lost my mom

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

10 years ago my mom had a heart attack and I started taking care of her. It's been an up and down path. 6 years ago we moved where we're at now hoping to be closer to family. 4 years ago her kidneys start to fail. She had to start doing dialysis. On June 8th 2025 you passed away. For the last 6 years I haven't worked I've just been taking care of her. Now I have nothing except our cats. I'm going to end up homeless losing everything. By dealing with my own mental health I'm 50 years old. I got three older brothers but they've never helped now that she's gone they just ignoring me. I feel so lost. She wasn't just my mom she was my best friend. She leaned on me and I leaned on her. now I don't know how to go forward.

Stephen74Utah · ‎10-29-2025

Hello I'm still around. Still dealing with the grief. I've been homeless now for two months and I've been separated from my cats going to be six weeks. I have a cats staying at a foster care place so I'll be able to get them back. I've been in the hospital four times for my mental health. I'm holding in right now. Still no help for my family.

Fall2025VA · ‎10-29-2025

Dear Stephen @Stephen74Utah , you are doing the "best" you can dear friend. SO GLAD your babies are safe!!!

Luv,

Nicole. 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

➡️[*** STEPHEN

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
Hello I'm still around. Still dealing with the grief. I've been homeless now for two months and I've been separated from my cats going to be six weeks. I have a cats staying at a foster care place so I'll be able to get them back. I've been in the hospital four times for my mental health. I'm holding in right now. Still no help for my family.

agoyer · ‎08-13-2025

@Stephen74Utah I'm so sorry to hear of the loss of your mom and the subsequent challenges you're going through. Thank you for everything you did for your mom - you sacrificed a lot to do so, and I'm sure she was grateful.

It sounds like you are experiencing very difficult grief - your best friend has passed on, and you've also lost the role as her caregiver. Have you received any grief counseling? I'd highly urge you to try to get some 1:1 counseling if possible. Do you have health insurance? Medicaid? If so then you should be able to find a counselor who knows how to help with grief. In addition, you could to a free grief support group - either in your local area or virtually online. One option is to check into www.griefshare.org - Griefshare offers free grief support groups both in person (you can do a zip code search for your area on their website) or virtual group meetings online.

Another option is to call the funeral home that handled your mothers' remains and ask if they have a list of local grief support groups.

In addition, you're struggling with finding a place to live and not having an income. It might be that you would qualify for Social Security disability payments. You can call and make an appt at your local SS office to ask about any support you might be eligible for.

In terms of housing, I don't know your age, but if you are an older adult you may qualify for some senior housing in your area. You can contact your city or county housing office to ask about that.

I'm so glad you are here! Please respond with more specifics and any other questions so we can see how we can help. @JaneCares may have some additional suggestions!

Sending you comfort.

Take care,

Amy Goyer, AARP Family & Caregiving Expert

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

The grief is still bad. Still no support from 95% of my family. Still facing eviction. My anxieties, panic attacks, PTSD, and depression are still very bad. Just me and my support cats. My counselor does know all of this. The sickness I had was was just allergy cold.

Fall2025VA · ‎08-04-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I was hoping you had found a "safe" place to stay dear friend. 😞

Hmmm, NO pressure to reply, but wondering why you have NOT told your counselor?

I had my 1st session with my Counselor. NOT dealing well with getting old at age 67.

SO GLAD, it is an allergy!!!

Try to enjoy the 5% Family Support. Glad you have a few supporters.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
The grief is still bad. Still no support from 95% of my family. Still facing eviction. My anxieties, panic attacks, PTSD, and depression are still very bad. Just me and my support cats. My counselor does know all of this. The sickness I had was was just allergy cold.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

The counselor does know everything.

Fall2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , I am SO SORRY for your loss dear friend!!!

Are you maybe a member of a church? Sometimes they have groups set up to help with grieving.

What about friends or trying to find a job [when you are ready]?

Anything to provide some COMFORT while YOU HEAL.

In my "very humble" opinion, we will ALWAYS miss them. But as WE MOVE FORWARD, there are LESS TEARS.

I am here for you!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

I'm saying a counselor and a job counselor to try to find something but times already run out. And I only have one friend and he can't help me. Just going to come down to the fact that I'm going to get evicted and me and my cats will be evicted and homeless. Kind of hard to get work when you're dealing with depression anxiety panic attacks PTSD I'm trying to get my disability but I've been denied three times already it takes time to appeal again.

JaneCares · ‎06-30-2025

Hey StephenM! SpringIsHere has great ideas. You are in a raw, scared place, and I'm so sorry all of this is happening to you. Depression tells lies: it tells you that there's no hope, no pathway out. What i know, also, is that you are grieving: even if you had plenty of money and friends, you'd be suffering the loss of your beloved mother very deeply. I'm glad you have a counselor. Is he or she part of an agency? Ask if they offer peer support, and/or case management, to help with applications for aid, while you're looking for work. Disability from Social Security is tougher than ever to get now, and I hope you can look for work even while you're appealing the denial. Your mother loved you SO MUCH, and wants you to survive and thrive. 50 is young! So much energy still to enjoy and move forward. It is totally okay and normal to crawl into a ball with your cats for a chunk of time each day. And then, you can move around the place, see if there's anything needs doing. If you don't go to a church now but you're comfortable with the idea of going, consider joining one, as often they are very supportive places, and you'd meet people. One idea. Keep posting here. We'll brain storm with you. Hang in there!

Jane

Fall2025VA · ‎08-04-2025

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Stephen, WE hope you will stop by to see us AGAIN.

Grief & Loss Team 💛

@Stephen74Utah

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-04-2025

Hi

Fall2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , does your counselor know you are going to be evicted? Maybe they may be able to "refer" you for help with this. Emergency Shelter is what it is called in my state.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

Yeah the counselor knows we've already signed up for section 8 and for emergency housing assistance but until I received the eviction notice they said they really can't help a whole lot. I'm still trying to see if I can also find work. But I'm also dealing with being sick for the last week I haven't recovered from that either.

Fall2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , have you been able to see a doctor? I hope so! NOT feeling well while grieving & worrying is awful. I hope you feel better soon. Just so you know I have a cat by the name of Mister. Furbabies KNOW when we need some luv. Luv on yours Stephen, they are also missing your mom.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎06-30-2025

I have two ones name is Goldie and the other's name is bandit they're my babies and my support animals.

Fall2025VA · ‎08-06-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how are Goldie 🐈 & Bandit 🐈? My cat Mister 🐈 sends his luv to them!!!

And how are you AT THE MOMENT my friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
I have two ones name is Goldie and the other's name is bandit they're my babies and my support animals.

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-06-2025

They're doing good my cat Bandit is sleeping on my Mom's chair and and my cat Goldie she's sleeping in my mom's closet. 😂

Fall2025VA · ‎08-06-2025

Lol Stephen @Stephen74Utah !!! 🤣😂

Cats are very "interesting" indeed.

When do you see your Counselor(s) again?

Do you feel "ready" to maybe do a Job from Home?

I see mine for this month's session on the 21st.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah wrote:
They're doing good my cat Bandit is sleeping on my Mom's chair and and my cat Goldie she's sleeping in my mom's closet. 😂

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-06-2025

I have to schedule an appointment hopefully soon. The truth is I'm not ready for work but I don't really have much of a choice. So far everything I have tried has failed so as it stands unless something miraculous happens I'm going to have to be out of here soon. Oh well I guess it's a chance for a new beginning.

Fall2025VA · ‎06-30-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah they NEED YOU = your reason to carry on my friend. Lol, Mister does NOT care how busy I am - he DEMANDS his "cuddle" sessions.

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Fall2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

[Wednesday 8/13/25]

Good Morning Stephen!!!

How are YOU doing dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

@Stephen74Utah

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-01-2025

I'm doing okay today still dealing with being sick. It's getting better. I think I gave the fur babies too much love. They're both completely zonked out. Still no one in my family is talking to me like I did something wrong or something. 10 years of taking care of my mom with no one helping me or no one offering to help. And now they just totally ignore exist. That's one of the hardest things.

Fall2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how often are you meeting with your Counselors? With your illness, have you seen your doctor?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-01-2025

Right now I'm seeing the counselor once a week. I need to make an appointment to see my doctor. It's been a few months. I have to do my yearly anyways.

Fall2025VA · ‎07-01-2025

Stephen @Stephen74Utah , any plans for July 4th?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎07-02-2025

I was invited on my nephew and his wife for a barbecue. I'm going to go because it'll get me out of the apartment.

Fall2025VA · ‎07-03-2025

I am glad they invited you Stephen @Stephen74Utah & you are going!!!

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Fall2025VA · ‎08-07-2025

Good morning Stephen @Stephen74Utah , how are you AT THE MOMENT dear friend?

Luv,

Nicole 🤗🤗🤗 (Grief Forum)

Stephen74Utah · ‎08-07-2025

My mental health is not good today. My mind has been in a very dark place all morning. Tried to find other resources that might help me but they keep falling through. I even called social security and the representative there actually took the time to search to see if there was anything that could help me but there wasn't. If it wasn't for my support kitty cats. I would have already given up. I'm just so tired. I just don't know what to do.