🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving! WE support each other.

[Anonymous]

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

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[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments (Wednesday 12/20/23 9:44pm ET)

Thank you SO MUCH Marcy @MarcyW882921 for YOUR response to Shannon @ShannonW14183   💙💙💙

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Thursday 12/21/23 7:10am ET)

Thank you SO MUCH MC @mc6844  for YOUR response to Shannon @ShannonW14183   💙💙💙

[mc6844]

❤️ 

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

I've been struggling with sleep issues the last several days. Little to no sunshine effects me. Doesnt happen often. Grateful for that. Also missing best friend of 50 yrs. It's been almost a year. Sometimes it doesn't seem real that certain people are gone. But it's like he always said, that's the way it goes. And every day is different moving into the future. Every day we move forward.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

I always thought self care was doing something, like going to the hairdresser or a fitness class. For older folks I think it's taking a break from all those things. That it's OK to sit still for most of the day and let the day take care of itself. Especially if one's energy is waning. I've seen Fruit n Veggies pill on TV. Attempting to swallow those would be dangerous. If they're in gummy form I guess that could be self-care lol. Who needs another problem at our ages? 

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[ShannonW14183]

Hi Ms. Nicole I just found this forum....1st I'd like to say thank you for having this for some of us have no one to talk to about our grief/loss  & challenges associated with it !! I'm struggling so very much right now for My mom passed Dec 08th & my birthday was the 6th! We knew she was sick but it was only a matter of week's from being told she's very sick to get family here ASAP if they want to say goodbye! MOM was in Texas & I Maryland I was also having my own medical problem when called & told to get there asap..this is 1 of my hardest challenges/struggles I was unable to get to my mom in Texas to hold her hand & tell her "your baby is here" (for I am -of 7!), to say how grateful I was to of been blessed by her being MY MOMMY!, & to have told her I LOVED HER for the last time..EVER!! The guilt is trying to consume me! I just want her to know how much I love her-ALWAYS, & I hope she can forgive me for not being able to be by her side for her final day's..I was able to talk to her on phone & tell her these things but she was to sick to reply though I think I heard her make a moanish noise in reply?! I'm very grateful other member's of the family was able to go! My other struggle is ..I don't mean to sound like a "bad person"..but I feel I lost my MOM & MY BIRTHDAY! It is no longer my special day all I can think of is it's 2 day's before losing the greatest woman in my life ! I had no idea that I'd also be mourning the loss of "my 1 day a year" that makes me "special" so to speak! I'm blown away by this bothering me I truly didn't even consider it or think it would!! Has anyone out there reading this dealing with this particular situation? How do you "handle" your birthday now? Or em I being over dramatic or over sedative due to loss of mom?! Any helpful advice on either struggle would be BEYOND APPRECIATED! Thank you again for this forum and for LISTENING! I'm truly humbled..

[MarcyW882921]

No Shannon @ShannonW14183 you are not being over dramatic. I think I have some understanding of your situation. In 2019, my Mom was in rehab and I went to visit her on my birthday. She sang Happy Birthday to me, we had a nice visit and talked about her discharge in a few days. My husband took me out for dinner and I got a call that Mom was rushed to the ER. I went to the hospital, stayed for hours, went home to get some rest, and was getting ready to go back in the morning when I got a call from the hospital. I got there and a short time later Mom died the day after my birthday.

I had a year to try coping with the loss of my Mom and to think about how I would handle my next birthday. I can't tell you that I don't think about that experience with my Mom, but I think about it now with fewer tears. I decided to do a new kind of birthday activity in 2020 to get me through the date on the calendar and it did help.

Your Mom knows how much you love and appreciate her and she heard you tell her that on the phone. She also understands that you couldn't physically be with her at the end of her life. Talk to her, write her a letter, apologize, ask forgiveness...whatever you need to express what you are feeling and maybe give you some relief.

Losing your Mom is a significant loss and it takes time to figure out how to live with the grief that results from your love for her.

Marcy

[ShannonW14183]

---

Hi Marcy I just found your post. Thank-you for sharing your story it is greatly appreciated!! I feel some better knowing there's other people who are living thru this also. I don't want to be a ball baby , or to have anyone feel sorry for me..just understand why I'm feeling the way I do. not just tell me to get over it "your not a child" anymore as an adult my b-day shouldn't mean that much to me ANYMORE! I was just told this by a family member & I began thinking maybe there RIGHT until I found your post!! THANK YOU MS. MARCY! I have wrote to all of my lost family members in my journal..I've been journaling for 35+ year's ..But I think I may use your advice & write mom a letter! Journaling to other family members thru the year's have seemed to help me..I lost 1 brother in 1990 the 2nd in 1996 dad in 2017 an now mom in 2022. I'm not sure why writing to her in my journal didn't help much at all?! But like I said before I'm looking forward to MANY LESS TEARS when I think of her & no guilt I'm going to continue my prayers and ask for help with forgiving myself & the strength to make it there! I also hope someday in near future I'll be able to help someone else the way you & Ms. Nicole has helped me!! To let someone else know there not alone & there's people out there that's been through it already or maybe going through it now with them! I feel I'm rambling now..forgive me! I just want you to know YOU have touched my HEART!! Thank you again very grateful for you & this forum!! HAVE YOURSELF A MERRY LITTLE CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR TO!!

Sending you & yours love & hugs!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY NEW YEAR to ALL struggling with there own grief & loss I'm very sorry for your loss & pain..we are not alone ANYMORE! Sending everyone a huge hug & love from ME to YOU

Shannon 

[MarcyW882921]

Thank you so much Shannon @ShannonW14183 ! I'm so glad my response was helpful for you as you plod through this muck of grief. You have had multiple losses and you will come through them although as a changed person. You have the strategies and support to help you along the way. May you find peace and joy at Christmas and through the New Year! 

🤗

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

3 comments (Tuesday 12/19/23)

Hi Shannon @ShannonW14183 , I AM SO SORRY for your loss!!! 😭

Yes, those birthdays and guilt.

Some of us have gone for counseling or joined a grief support group.

Some pray.

The "guilt" - I have my GOOD AND BAD days. As Marcy @MarcyW882921 had mentioned previously - FORGIVING OURSELVES is the hardest.

The birthdays - some of us find ways to HONOR our loved ones. While some "may" ignore the date, finding it too PAINFUL.

[ShannonW14183]

Thank you Marcy & Nicole!! Yes I pray alot & I have a counselor also..but neither seems to take away the PAIN! I'm doing my best to do 1 day at a time & closing my eyes & going back to those ( good ol' day's) gone by!! I forgot to mention mom passed in 2022 ..so this is my 1st b day, Christmas ect without her & 1st without Mom & Dad it just sucks! I will continue to pray & remind myself of how blessed I was & be grateful for what I had & still have ! The bad day's are really tough but I'm looking forward to having less ..thanks for being so kind & reaching "back" to me! MERRY CHRISTMAS & HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!

Love in big bunches back at ya's,

Shannon (XOXOXO)

[mc6844]

Shannon I'm so sorry for your loss of your Mom and family members. You are in the right place. This grief forum is focused on loss and grief. And ways to move through it a little bit at a time. The good people here can help you with support, ideas and suggestions that may work for you. You feel the way you do about your birthday. It's good to build on what makes you happy. It's one way of moving out of pain and grief. Persistent pain is something a counselor trained in that area can help you with. You have to find the right counselor. Or a grief counseling led group if you're so inclined. Also there's a thread on this forum about signs from loved ones. Death happens, but concern and love lives on. ❤️ You haven't lost them. You'll see them again. For now you still have your birthdays to celebrate. I'm sure your Mom would want you to have that happiness! Take care now. Drop into this forum and each time, you'll feel a little better after. 

[MarcyW882921]

Shannon @ShannonW14183 . These are milestones that we experience with all of these significant dates during the year - birthdays, holidays, etc. They tend to be emotionally charged times and sometimes the emotions are worse before the actual day. The strategies of praying, talking with a counselor, and taking time out for counting blessings and showing gratitude are all credible. You are moving forward one step at a time and you will find ways to live with the pain.

Hugs.

Marcy

[ShannonW14183]

OOPS..spell check! Sry meant to say over sensitive due to losing mom so close to b-day..!?

[SummerIsTooHOT]

2 comments  🎬  (Monday 12/18/23 4:47pm ET)

Has anyone watched the movie THE SECRET?  🤔

I just found it on YouTube Movies for FREE and heading to watch it.  👍

 Watch "The Secret" on YouTube (LINK BELOW).

https://youtu.be/lj16MvB9YyE?si=kPbjMvA_ORxqpfGf

‌🎬‌  (Tuesday 12/19/23 8:05pm ET)

I listened to it LAST NIGHT for bedtime. Listening NOW while I do the CHORES I DO NOT WANT TO DO.  ‌🙄‌‌🙄‌‌🙄‌

*** I am focusing on NOT focusing on what I DO NOT want in my life = brings MORE. We GET what we FOCUS on. Yes, one of the MANY "suggestions" mentioned = going to see IF anything CHANGES for me before trying the other suggestions. Lol, TRYING not to PAY ATTENTION to my Neighbor From Hell.   ‌😎‌ 

So DO NOT want anymore  ‌😭‌ ***

[MarcyW882921]

Yes Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT . I actually flipped this movie on by accident a few nights ago and then just watched it because it was on! 🤣

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[Therapist4u]

Hi @SummerIsTooHOT

So....what’s ... The Secret?????!!!!!

OK...JK...I KNOW...ya havta watch it to find out....no spoilers!  Hahahaa

HAPPY HOLIDAYS to you!

Take care!  ☃️🎋🎅☮️~Allen🌈 🎄🤶🌲 🎁

[SummerIsTooHOT]

1 comment (Sunday 12/17/23)

🎂  TODAY is my MamaMae's (Grandmother) Birthday!

She died at age 104 in Kingston, Jamaica West Indies - still living in the house she and Grandpops (Grandfather) built when they married.

BOTH gone but NEVER forgotten  💙💙💙

[mc6844]

May she rest in peace.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[mc6844]

This forum has been helpful because the main topic is grief and how to get through it. A focused topic and main stream of thought. It helps one to pause and think. Whereas for instance in a personal discussion, a relative or friend will suggest things which can overwhelm and cause confusion and anxiety. Day at a time, sticking to a routine as much as possible is the best way to get through it, I believe.

[mc6844]

I want to add that it may be my age 74, that I am slower. My multi-tasking days are over. Grief has no timetable. You just have to keep going the best way you can.

[SummerIsTooHOT]

👣  1 Step At A Time!

[MarcyW882921]

Nicole @SummerIsTooHOT ,

I just wanted to stop by and say hi. It's been a busy week with chorus performances and now this crazy weather has my head ready to explode. My fingers are crossed that things will calm down sometime tomorrow afternoon so I can get some relief.😩

Marcy

[SummerIsTooHOT]

3 comments (Saturday 12/16/23)

Gosh Marcy @MarcyW882921 I HOPE Georgia is NICER when you are there! 💙💙💙

My daughter left for Mexico today, back on Tuesday.

I am still in Virginia finishing up the stuff I told you about. 💃💃💃

Lol, DREADING returning to Florida  😭