AARP Online Community and Discussion Forums - Re: 🕯 A Place To Be With OTHERS Who Are Grieving!... - Page 38

Anonymous · ‎11-25-2022

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***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

Vexed · ‎08-07-2023

@BeatleloverKT , hugs to you. You are loved and you are strong.

Winter2024 · ‎08-07-2023

👣 1 Step At A Time!

JaneCares · ‎08-07-2023

HELLO BeatleLoverKT and NicoleW. I'm moved and grateful to you both for connecting, supporting, and sharing your kindness with all of us as well. For BeatleLover, this is a big milestone: 5 years of loss and grief, but also transformation. You are NEWLY reconstituted without your loved one, and at the same time, your husband's love, and character, and all those memories, are woven into every bit of who you are 5 years later. NicoleW, clearly you are working mightily to hold onto your integrity while other folks are being silly and hurtful (also known as toxic), and you know who you are deep down. That you two help each other is lovely and affirming of us all: we are herd animals, we humans, and we need each other.

I was listening to the sermon yesterday in church, which celebrated the idea of Jesus' transfiguration. And learned that Transfiguration implies a revelation of the true nature. I feel that grief does this: reveal our true nature. Grief burns off the superficial, and unimportant, the priorities we thought matter but actually do not. It reorients us to who we are and what we can be about in the world, and in our hearts. We are transfigured.

Thank you for being 'there' for each other, and 'here' for all of us.

Jane

Anonymous · ‎06-16-2023

READ the comments and/or ADD a comment.

***A place to share and support***

Grief & Loss Team 🤎🤗

📸clipart attached📸

Anonymous · ‎05-31-2023

(1 comment) Thank you for the suggestion Marcy! 🤎🤗

▶️@MarcyW882921 wrote:

I just got back from my bereavement group meeting. Providing you can get out and there are groups in your area, it is another place where grieving people can go to be with others who understand.◀️

MarcyW882921 · ‎05-31-2023

I just got back from my bereavement group meeting. Providing you can get out and there are groups in your area, it is another place where grieving people can go to be with others who understand.

Anonymous · ‎05-25-2023

(1 comment)Thanks Marcy, Nicole 🤎🤗

▶️@MarcyW882921 wrote:

I read an article last week that may be beneficial for our group. It doesn't look like this forum will accept the link so I will provide the article title and author in case you have to search it out. The article title is "Dear Griever, Give Yourself Some Grace" by Stephanie Farr.◀️

MarcyW882921 · ‎05-25-2023

I read an article last week that may be beneficial for our group. It doesn't look like this forum will accept the link so I will provide the article title and author in case you have to search it out. The article title is "Dear Griever, Give Yourself Some Grace" by Stephanie Farr

Anonymous · ‎05-22-2023

The reality is that you will grieve forever. You will not ‘get over’ the loss of a loved one; you will learn to live with it. You will heal and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but you will never be the same. Nor should you be the same nor would you want to. – Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Anonymous · ‎05-21-2023

What we once enjoyed and deeply loved we can never lose, for all that we love deeply becomes part of us. – Helen Keller

MarcyW882921 · ‎04-13-2023

I just watched a short interview with Amanda Kloots. She talked about grief and how it can "eat you up." Something she found helpful was finding a community where there are others who understand your pain and loss. I had heard this information from other sources and wasn't sure it would be helpful for me.

I have however made connections individually and within a group setting with others who have experienced loss and it has been very beneficial for me.

Anonymous · ‎04-13-2023

(2 comments) Marcy @MarcyW882921 , how do we find these communities? Thanks, Nicole 🤗🤎

➡️@MarcyW882921 wrote:
I just watched a short interview with Amanda Kloots. She talked about grief and how it can "eat you up." Something she found helpful was finding a community where there are others who understand your pain and loss. I had heard this information from other sources and wasn't sure it would be helpful for me.

I have however made connections individually and within a group setting with others who have experienced loss and it has been very beneficial for me.⬅️

jonibee · ‎04-18-2023

Look to service organizations such as Old Colony Elder Service or Hospice care or contact your local Visiting Nurse Assoc. for info as to where these groups are. The local senior center may also be able to point you in the right direction and also your local churches may be able to help you here..I have been able to go it alone by reading books on how to handle grief and losing past members of my family kind of prepared me for the loss of my husband. I think when you go through the illness stages you kind of face the inevitable vs a sudden death loss which comes as a shock because it was unexpected..Not to say that I don't experience good and bad days which I do but try to get passed the bad ones by keeping my mind occupied...We all have memories both good and bad and have to deal with them accordingly as well as we can..

mc6844 · ‎03-28-2023

Nicole I saw your post about your awful day. I have awful moments and times during the day too. I tell "awful" that it's not going to take my whole day. I think we get that awful feeling when looking for the familiar and it isn't there. I try to switch the focus. And look at what is still there. Is it the Aloe plants growing outside my door? Why didn't I notice them growing bigger? They need bigger pots. I could go to Home Depot for them. Except my husband had one of his heart attacks in Home Depot parking lot. He actually died on the pavement. The paramedics brought him back to life. I haven't been able to go back there. He joked that you'd think Home Depot would give a coupon or discount if a person died in their parking lot. Of course it wasn't their fault. But not something that happens every day

It is hurtful when family or friends ignore the pain of loss. I've seen this happen many times to many people. I've seen lone caregivers more times than I can count. Very few people can be there for end of life care. And the grieving after. I suppose it's not their calling. I think people in general need to do a better job of dealing with death. It's the people worn out from caregiving, and the ones who are left to grieve that need help and comfort at that time.

I hope you feel better Nicole. I saw your upside down smiley and got concerned. Please take care.

Anonymous · ‎03-28-2023

2 comments (Tuesday 3/28/23) Hi @mc6844 , thank you for caring. The upside down smiley face is a FUN 🥳💃 version of a smiley face. Yes, I can imagine Home Depot is a "trigger" for you!!! Hang in there my friend. WE luv you, Nicole 🤗🤎

➡️@mc6844 wrote:

Nicole I saw your post about your awful day. I have awful moments and times during the day too. I tell "awful" that it's not going to take my whole day. I think we get that awful feeling when looking for the familiar and it isn't there. I try to switch the focus. And look at what is still there. Is it the Aloe plants growing outside my door? Why didn't I notice them growing bigger? They need bigger pots. I could go to Home Depot for them. Except my husband had one of his heart attacks in Home Depot parking lot. He actually died on the pavement. The paramedics brought him back to life. I haven't been able to go back there. He joked that you'd think Home Depot would give a coupon or discount if a person died in their parking lot. Of course it wasn't their fault. But not something that happens every day
It is hurtful when family or friends ignore the pain of loss. I've seen this happen many times to many people. I've seen lone caregivers more times than I can count. Very few people can be there for end of life care. And the grieving after. I suppose it's not their calling. I think people in general need to do a better job of dealing with death. It's the people worn out from caregiving, and the ones who are left to grieve that need help and comfort at that time.

I hope you feel better Nicole. I saw your upside down smiley and got concerned. Please take care. ⬅️

mc6844 · ‎03-28-2023

Good. Glad you are OK. I'm not up to par with the smiley icons. And I'm not sure where I read the post. It's a bit challenging to follow all the posts. I do get concerned about people. I hope that everyone looks into additional resources for well being and peace of mind. Take care.

MarcyW882921 · ‎04-09-2023

You brought up something that I have been wondering about. You mentioned about Home Depot and how you can't go back there because of the memory of what happened to your husband in that location.

I have a particular main road that I have traveled many times for many reasons, however now I keep remembering all of the unpleasant memories that happened on that road. My husband's oncologist where we went for his treatments, receiving his terminal diagnosis, and going to the barber to have his remaining hair shaved.

I have wondered if other people have these feelings and how they cope with them.

mc6844 · ‎05-05-2023

I just saw your post Marcy. I'm so sorry for what you and your husband had to give through. No fun at all. Except that you were with him. I'm sure that meant everything to him. Take care.

mc6844 · ‎03-23-2023

Thank you One Step for all your efforts on the grief forum. I try to contribute daily. I think this forum is just what you said, a place for grieving. Where only grievers can fully understand the process. For it is a process with a beginning, middle, and an end. To me that doesn't mean the grieving is no more, but eventually gets taken up by life itself. The loved one never left but became part of our lives. Someday we shall meet in heaven. However for now coping with the loss brings new challenges. This is what this forum is for, to allow the grieving to air their pain and encourage the forward journey. I hope you all find something good in your day. Take care.

CarolynS674392 · ‎03-09-2023

I guess I am lonely. I just want to write about how awesome and great my late husband was. He made me laugh every day. Before dinner, he would say "thank you for this wonderful meal made by my wonderful wife. He was only 68 when he died suddenly. We had 28 beautiful years of marriage. I am younger than he and I still have both my parents. I never lost anyone close to me and he was the closest person to me in the whole world. People have said that we were always together and we were. I have lost a part of me.

VenaE974710 · ‎03-24-2023

I lost my wonderful husband last October. We were only married 6 years! We knew each for 15 years, but being married really made a difference in the way in how we cared for each other. We were long distance the first two years so really we just had 4 years together. Add a brain tumor diagnosis and we just had 2 "normal " years together.

It is hard living alone; mostly not being able to share daily life with him anymore. We made our dreams come true and then whammo, they came tumbling down. It breaks my heart to have lost him and for him to deteriorate over the 18 months.:{

Vena Edwards

MarcyW882921 · ‎04-10-2023

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. I also lost my sweet husband in October.

The loss is bad enough, but having to watch the deterioration and suffering over time and not being able to do anything is pure torture. As you can tell, I have been there too.

I know my life is so much richer because my husband was in it and it sounds like that is the case for you too. My hope for us is that we will: treasure our memories, appreciate the fulfilling life we had with our husbands, and move forward as better people because of the time we had together.

With heartfelt sympathy,

Marcy

mc6844 · ‎03-24-2023

Vena I'm so sorry for your loss. It is very hard to see those you love and care for decline. That you were able to be there for him is something he truly treasured I'm sure. Take care. People here understand your pain.

mc6844 · ‎03-23-2023

I'm so sorry for your loss Carolyn. Something good will happen for you today I'm sure. And people here understand what you're going through. Take care.

Therapist4u · ‎03-09-2023

We Are ALWAYS Here For You TOO 😄

SueS788527 · ‎01-29-2023

Hi, Nicole and readers of this forum. I wanted to share something I heard from my Bible Study today. To make a long story short, I have reconciled and forgiven my church from pretty much abandoning me after my husband's funeral and the first Thanksgiving and Christmas. Lent was not much better since the leaders could not really relate to those going through grief. They pretty much viewed it as going alone. Finding GriefShare during this empty time made all the difference. Today, a number of the same church leaders bemoaned how everyone seems to have a mental health issue whether personally or someone they know. What a surprise! There is no bereavement program, although I encouraged starting one due to the high number of deaths since Covid or any real support, physically or mentally to the congregations. The conversation confirmed what I experienced first-hand - a distant and aloof reaction to grief. The only other person at this meeting was a widow like me who truly understood the need for support. She and I were like voices in the wilderness, how fitting as we enter the season of Lent next month. Mental health is a big issue and should be discussed openly and with actions like outreach, communications, true caring. There is obviously an urgent need and I hope at least for this group this is a wakeup call. I have already moved on from looking for support from them and am blessed that I have the support from the Grief Forum, GriefShare and a few similar minded individuals. Thought this discussion was ironic and a sad state of affairs. It is probably a microcosm of our greater society. Just sharing. Sue

mc6844 · ‎03-23-2023

Thank you Sue for sharing your experience. I'm sorry you experienced that abandonment. I've seen much of this in life. I believe fear is the cause. That the same uncomfortable situation will happen to them. Which of course someday it will. Even those in leadership have fears they can't speak to. When my husband was very ill he became upset and hurt that someone wasn't there for him. After a while I said, "you can't go to an empty well for water." I kept saying it. He finally got it. Made his peace about it. It helps to know that many people are very uncomfortable around the dying and death itself. I find reading about Hospice comforting. They have much experience in the before, during, and after in the loss of loved ones. It is wonderful you do your Bible study. I've always wanted to do that. Except I don't have patience for it. But I do find comfort in the Bible. I'm so happy you found this forum which takes the place of those who abandoned you in your time if need. Please remember your guardian angels are always with you. Take care.