Loneliness or alone-ness

I had a kind of unique situation in a volunteer capacity I was in.  I would read to a vision impaired senior once a week.  The arrangement was I would help him with various things like mail, filing, etc. etc.  To make a long story short. he became an avid supporter of the current administration and I decided I just had enough.

Jypsy,

Love your name.  I don't know if this is too late to chime in but on the subject of loneliness.  I was in a gathering and I could only describe myself as socially awkward at best.  There seemed to be 12 to 14 people and everyone was speaking at once, loudly and rapidly.  The entire evening was almost unendurable and I was so glad when it was finally time to leave.

This morning I began searching sites on social ineptness.  Nothing I found was particularly helpful and absolutely nothing was mentioned about what to do if you can't hear.  I can manage to do well with 2 or 3 people but a roomful leaves me entirely copeless.  Is that a word.  Don't think so.

These circumstances have occurred several times within the past year or two within the identical acquaintances.  I feel welcomed but so unable to contribute conversation relevant to whatever is being said.  Party atmospheres are spontaneous and if you can't follow along, you are at a real handicap.

The situation is clearly embarrassing at best, not only for myself but for other members of the group as well when they pick up on my inability to respond.  The best I can do is beat a hasty retreat, relieved it won't have to be repeated soon.

This site is helping me cope.  My cousins just left for 6 weeks in Australia.  They are my main source of moral support.  I tell my cousin she is so much more functional than I am.  Catching planes and such.  She says, bull.  I say, it's not bull.  I could no more pack and make my way through security to board an airplane, let alone foreign travel.  I would have just as much chance going to Mars.

Aside from that, I've decided I'm going to be an informal volunteer in an ARC thrift store.  I've found there are a lot of little things I can do to help organize without any formal acknowledgement of volunteer status. 

This site gives me so much "insight" if you'll pardon the pun.  I log in and find out, boy, I'm not the only one.  So far, I've been able to avoid caregiver requirements.  Lucky in that vein.  I have my own car, my own house and everything I need is relatively close by.  Being without a car would be a MAJOR problem.  I've tried to research alternative transportation venues and so far haven't had to rely on any.  When that day comes, and I know it will, I'm going to have to deal with it.

I just renewed my licence and I'm turning the big 72 this Friday.  I enrolled in a writing class at a nearby senior center and an AARP driving class.

Anyway, have a good '18."  Like my mom used to say, don't take any wooden nickles.

I am still working full time but feel I'm being "backwatered" and overlooked for all but simple, repetitive and fairly mindless tasks at work. I don't get a lot of interaction with others in my work and I live alone since I'm no longer caregiving for my ex-husband who has moved into a memory care facility about a year and a half ago. I'm an introvert so I don't need constant stimulation or companionship but there are still times when I wish I just had somebody to talk to or do something with once in a while.

The last year with my ex was bad; he almost never talked to me except to phone me once in a while to drop everything and come deal with some kind of problem he was having, so it was stressful. Now, minus the stress, I'm feeling less on-edge, but having nothing but quiet time by myself is getting to be too much. I think I'd be "too old" to be considered if I applied for a different job at this point and am not sure how I will address isolation when I either decide to quit working or am terminated since the importance of what I do at work is so diminished. I intend to work part time and/or volunteer at that point, but I think we all know how intentions go when they come in contact with "the real world" - sometimes things don't run according to my plans. 😉

I tried online dating sites for about a year, and unless you have self-esteem made of steel, that made me feel like I have something seriously wrong with me that no one ever amounted to more than two dates and the few people who asked for my phone number promptly ghosted me as soon as I gave it to them. I wouldn't recommend it.

I have no children or family members and see a few friends occasionally but the great bulk of my time is spent alone.

You say you aren't lonely but you worry you are isolating. Is there anything about your lifestyle habits that concern you? (that make you think you are isolating?)

My take on this:

I am 50ish and alone, live by myself, single, not dating, but I never feel like am alone.  A few years ago, I went through a period when, like others, I felt social isolation but I turned to prayer, surrendered myself and asked God to do whatever he wanted with my life because I was tired of trying.  I willed and taught myself to trust God, and stopped trying to control my life the way I wanted it to go.  That was the turning point in my life.  I had applied for other jobs as well that I was well qualified for, went to the interviews and yet 'others' got the jobs.  I heard people around me always talking about hating their jobs, but I learnt to think about my job as just a job, having realized that my life was much bigger than my job.  I focused on the fact that I came to this planet alone, butt naked, with absolutely nothing, and so felt I did not need to worry about being alone.  I found a great church and learnt the things that I did not know growing up Catholic.  I am still alone, but I do not worry about it because I know I am where God wants me to be.  All I have to do is pray, and God works miracles in my life every day.  From the smallest things in my life, to crises situations, I am delivered as soon as I pray.  I pray for people and they get help.  It has nothing to do with me because I do not know anything.  I just live my life as a good, humble, child of God.  I want to believe, and I may be wrong, that even those who do not believe in religion also find ways to pray, and I encourage those who feel alone or loneliness to pray about it and the 'negative' things in their life and let it go!  It works for me and I don't see why not you.     

I've gotten through my loneliness by walking my dog early mornings and talking with God during my walks.  I have also been playing bingo the 2nd Sunday of every month at my local fire company. Everyone at bingo including the fire company members are very friendly.  I don't feel lonely when I'm there.

Look to what you like to do and seek out others who do the same be it a motorcycle club, outdoor camping group like an adventure group. You may have to search in your area but doing what you like to do with others will open new vistas for you...

📎  [Friday 9/6/24]  Great post @nelsjm !!!  As I AGE, I find myself actually ENJOYING my alone time. As a youngster I spent way too much ENERGY trying to avoid being alone. And YES, we can get ISOLATED as we age in my very humble opinion. But I am so NOT putting up with TOXIC people anymore. Quality is what I NOW seek. NOT quantity of friends. The same with Retirement Activities. Tried the Senior Center, nope - lol, reminded me of my old job = too many want to be bosses. Nicole  👵