Loneliness or alone-ness

[m953052l]

I was attracted to the report about loneliness since I have been feeling lonely lately. In 1990 I had a brain-stem stroke that destroyed my balance and left me with very deep and nasily speech. Since 1990 I have not been able to particIpate in a conversation about anything or argue a point. By the time I get a full point out the conversation has moved three topics on. Initially I dedicated my time to writing two books and did not feel lonely. Now that I'm not writing a book (because my first two were not well recieved) I feel lonely. I'm acutely aware of the fact I have no one in my life.

[ASTRAEA]

@Prosecco6247 - I get the NextAvenue mailings too, and thought the timing of that one was perfect, for this discussion!

[Prosecco6247]

Appropos of the discussion here, I thought I would add this link to an article in "NextAvenue" which popped into my email inbox this morning.  I'm sure many of us have had some of these same thoughts and musings from time to time and it just goes to show how pervasive feelings of "being alone" or of being lonely can be.

The article quotes some sources and makes some suggestions but is not a "blueprint" as much as a letter of encouragement to others out there who may have some of the same feelings.  Sometimes a little encouragement is all we need!

http://www.nextavenue.org/lonely-not-alone/?hide_newsletter=true&utm_source=Next+Avenue+Email+Newsle...

For those of you not familiar with "NextAvenue," it's an email newletter sent out by the PBS system.  Per their website:

"Next Avenue is public media’s first and only national journalism service for America’s booming older population. Our daily content delivers vital ideas, context and perspectives on issues that matter most as we age."

"Our mission is to meet the needs and unleash the potential of older Americans through the power of media."

[SassiLady]

@vernakI agree with Astrea about this being very well put.

I never minded being alone but sometimes we do feel lonely and need to reach out and keep in touch with family and/or friends. I do think some socializing is good for us, but I also I understand that we don't always mind being alone. I had a boss that used to say "at times the only intelligent answer is one you give to yourself". I often found he was right.

[ASTRAEA]

@vernak - Very well put!

[vernak]

Solitude is enjoyable. Loneliness is not. This researcher seems to equate being alone with loneliness. They are far from the same. I have been single and living alone for 42 years. Sometimes I was lonely, but not all that much of the time. Mostly I enjoyed my solitude, and still do. Different people have different social needs. There is the matter of what you expect, and what you want, versus what you get. That is what can lead to pain.

[ASTRAEA]

@l136780y - I'm sorry for the recent loss of your surrogate dad! Since you mention being a veteran, are there any American Legion posts near you, where you can start developing a network of friends? Don't assume that you need to be 100% the same as your friends, to feel comfortable together! It's common (and a good idea) to have friends with whom you enjoy one or two things, so you can spend some time with each of them.

Your experience is a good lesson & reminder to all of us singles, that it can be very dangerous (albeit easy) to become so dependent on a single relative or friend, for our entire social life. Not only do we need variety, but the flexibility to still have other friends, if something happens to one of them.

[l136780y]

I have never been a "social butterfly".  I lost my adoptive Dad/best friend/mentor in June of this year.  He and I did everything together.  I feel lost without him.  I have friends 85 miles away (they were closer to his area), and they all have full family lives, so I don't think they feel comfortable around me, because I never married nor had any children, so they feel there is no common ground between us.  I have lived alone since 1999, and I only have a small dog and a single cat as company.  I have been feeling more alone than normally, since his death.  I just work, go home, listen to music and read or play downloaded games on my tablet.  I have never logged onto any social media, because to me, that is a very HUGE security risk.  I'm a six year Air Force Veteran, and security has always been a big issue for me.  I don't trust in humanity, just look at all the stories of attacks in the news lately.  I sometimes feel as if my biggest fear will come true, that I will die all alone, and it will be days before anyone finds my body.  I just live one day to the next at this point.

[nyadrn]

Social Isolation Looms Large as More Adults Live Alone

http://www.aarp.org/health/conditions-treatments/info-2017/loneliness-growing-health-problem-fd.html...

This article appears on the AARP page and seems related to this discussion.  

I have never faced this issue.  We have a larger family and I work at a large company and I am surrounded by people all day  : )   so when I get home I need some isolation..   If I were to relocate after retirement that could be an issue so lots of the places we looked at were part of active communities that have lots of social time planned into the community.  While this is not for everyone is is one answer.  Another big issue is health which can isolate you more than you would ever choose.  But lots of discussions on this subject point out that society seems to be moving more and more to social media contact rather than face to face contact.  We have come a long way from small town American where everyone knows your name and business (and they still due) to the big city life where you don't know your neighbors.   Socializing without face to face kind of dehumanizes the contact.. you can say things because you don't know the person.  

It will be interesting to see how things go.

[d829124b]

As I was reading your story I realized you and I have a lot of the same issues. 

I have fibromyalgia as well and I have very painful days. Some days I have all I can do to get out of bed. I have had this for over 30 years now. I would advise you to, no matter how bad the pain, to make yoursef get up out of bed then you have accomplished at least one thing for the day. Keep track of all the littlest things you do because they add up and at the end of the day hive yourself kudos for the things you did accomplish. 

I also joined a couple of online fibromyalgia support groups but make sure they are positive ones and not.ones that dwell on the pain.

Can your doctor give you some medicine to counteract your allergies so you can go to Church?

I love to go to Church but I am basically homebound due to severe migraines at this time. 

I have been through two abusive marriages and am currently single. I am homebound right now, depressed, anxious, lonely, etc....

My children are grown and they were world, I had two abusive marriages, I had no time for me so I never got to find a hobby I like or things I enjoy. I still feel guilty if I buy myself a necessity because I still have the mindset that someone else needs something first.

I am also on Medicare, disabled, and barely have enough to live on. I have a payee that pays my bills for me and then I get so much a week or what's left over.

Medicare does have a reduced payment plan for medications make sure you call and ask about it. 

I hope it helps to know there is someone else out there who understands what you are going through and I pray you get the help you need. 

God bless you!