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Aging Alone

Never ever expecting to be 67 and retired, here I am.  When I left my last full-time job I also moved to a new location: Waco, TX.  The decision weighed many factors, but the primary one was affordability and climate.  Reliving my nightmares of cold, icy and snowy winters, it was time to get out of southern Delaware.  I also wanted to live somewhere where I could afford my own place to live, rather than have to suffer a roommate situation as I had.  And much to my dismay, I was also forced to consider the accessibility of medical care, which had been sparse in my previous location.  Waco seemed to fit most of my requirements and off I went.  A year later and I’m still here.

 

The majority of articles I have read about aging always seem to make one basic assumption:  The person getting older is or has been married and has a family.  I am none of the above.  I have always been single and have no children.  There are siblings, but they are geographically distant and I don’t really feel the desire to live near where they live.  Friends are elsewhere, mostly in locations where I used to live 20+ years ago, but can’t afford to now.  There is an early episode of the TV series Cheers where Diane walks into the bar and laments “I’m old and alone in Boston!”  My lament is that I’m old and alone in Waco.

 

I don’t make friends easily.  The idea of me seeking out a local senior center sends shivers up my back.  First of all, I’m not accepting of the fact that I am as old as a am.  Secondly, I have no interest hanging around with a bunch of old people talking about how wonderful their grandchildren are.  I live in an apartment complex for seniors, but I really don’t know my neighbors.  I don’t share the religious beliefs of most Texans and have no religious affiliation.  I haven’t yet found an association for the Orthodox Sarcastic Cynic.

 

I really do appreciate the attention and information that is provided to caregivers of the elderly.  What disturbs me is that there isn’t any attention toward those who are getting older and have always been self-sufficient and defiantly independent.  This has me very worried.  For example, there have been some medical tests or treatments that were recommended that I am unable to do.  Because they involve the use of anesthetic, I am unable to drive myself.  End of discussion.  One involved going to another city 20 miles away eliminating most options.  When questioning the medical providers about transport, they are clueless; always assuming that a patient has a willing individual to drive and care for them afterward.  I’m looking at the possibility of back and neck surgery and the recovery process scares me more than the actual surgery.  I’ll have to go to a post-surgical rehab facility because I won’t be able to care for myself and after that, will I be able to navigate the 16 stairs to my apartment and drive myself to take care of my needs?  These are very scary questions because I’m on my own.

 

As large as the Baby Boomer generation is, I can’t believe that I’m the only one in this situation.  What I would like to see is more discussion about those of us who are aging alone. 

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Senior Centers give me the shivers, too! I pass one that's nearby and always see a group of people, kind of spreading over their chairs, and I just know they'e talking about their grandkids and their aches and pains. Some are just staring out at the trraffic.

 

My parents retired to Sun City, **bleep**, and my father always hated it. He was a Chicagoan, born and bred. (Well, he was born in Italy.) He was a liberal Democrat surounded by Conservatives, whom he really couldnt talk to.

 

I suppose living among your own kind makes you feel comfortable--but I'd prefer intergenerational housing.

 

I'm trying to look into co-housing,  independent apartments within a community.

Many  seem to be grouped around the idea of sustainable food, which, while I agree with it, I'm not  into it, and I've had enough of farms In Iowa to last forever. Most people think Iowa is full of cute family farms,and it's actually home to huge hog lots. If a farmer can manage to hang on to some land, he/she and their parner always have to have a job in town.

I'd like to find acommunity organized around the arts--I'm a writer--or even some social activism. I don't golf and I like good conversations.

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@cm2216799 wrote:

Senior Centers give me the shivers, too! I pass one that's nearby and always see a group of people, kind of spreading over their chairs, and I just know they'e talking about their grandkids and their aches and pains. Some are just staring out at the trraffic.

 

My parents retired to Sun City, **bleep**, and my father always hated it. He was a Chicagoan, born and bred. (Well, he was born in Italy.) He was a liberal Democrat surounded by Conservatives, whom he really couldnt talk to.

 

I suppose living among your own kind makes you feel comfortable--but I'd prefer intergenerational housing.

 

I'm trying to look into co-housing,  independent apartments within a community.

Many  seem to be grouped around the idea of sustainable food, which, while I agree with it, I'm not  into it, and I've had enough of farms In Iowa to last forever. Most people think Iowa is full of cute family farms,and it's actually home to huge hog lots. If a farmer can manage to hang on to some land, he/she and their parner always have to have a job in town.

I'd like to find acommunity organized around the arts--I'm a writer--or even some social activism. I don't golf and I like good conversations.


Well hey since you already have your mind made up of course you would not have a good time at a senior center, but I think you are a little behind the times..  There are all kinds and all sizes and their activities can include travel clubs and dining out, walks, runs, and other events. You cannot form a good opinion without having gone to some and you cannot judge senior communities based on one that your father lived in.  Things have changed. There are communities all over the country.   Most people living there do not come from the area but rather all over and because one is located in the south has nothing to do with the make up of the people living there.   

Just an FYI.

 

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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@justok wrote:

Never ever expecting to be 67 and retired, here I am.  When I left my last full-time job I also moved to a new location: Waco, TX.  The decision weighed many factors, but the primary one was affordability and climate.  Reliving my nightmares of cold, icy and snowy winters, it was time to get out of southern Delaware.  I also wanted to live somewhere where I could afford my own place to live, rather than have to suffer a roommate situation as I had.  And much to my dismay, I was also forced to consider the accessibility of medical care, which had been sparse in my previous location.  Waco seemed to fit most of my requirements and off I went.  A year later and I’m still here.

 

The majority of articles I have read about aging always seem to make one basic assumption:  The person getting older is or has been married and has a family.  I am none of the above.  I have always been single and have no children.  There are siblings, but they are geographically distant and I don’t really feel the desire to live near where they live.  Friends are elsewhere, mostly in locations where I used to live 20+ years ago, but can’t afford to now.  There is an early episode of the TV series Cheers where Diane walks into the bar and laments “I’m old and alone in Boston!”  My lament is that I’m old and alone in Waco.

 

I don’t make friends easily.  The idea of me seeking out a local senior center sends shivers up my back.  First of all, I’m not accepting of the fact that I am as old as a am.  Secondly, I have no interest hanging around with a bunch of old people talking about how wonderful their grandchildren are.  I live in an apartment complex for seniors, but I really don’t know my neighbors.  I don’t share the religious beliefs of most Texans and have no religious affiliation.  I haven’t yet found an association for the Orthodox Sarcastic Cynic.

 

I really do appreciate the attention and information that is provided to caregivers of the elderly.  What disturbs me is that there isn’t any attention toward those who are getting older and have always been self-sufficient and defiantly independent.  This has me very worried.  For example, there have been some medical tests or treatments that were recommended that I am unable to do.  Because they involve the use of anesthetic, I am unable to drive myself.  End of discussion.  One involved going to another city 20 miles away eliminating most options.  When questioning the medical providers about transport, they are clueless; always assuming that a patient has a willing individual to drive and care for them afterward.  I’m looking at the possibility of back and neck surgery and the recovery process scares me more than the actual surgery.  I’ll have to go to a post-surgical rehab facility because I won’t be able to care for myself and after that, will I be able to navigate the 16 stairs to my apartment and drive myself to take care of my needs?  These are very scary questions because I’m on my own.

 

As large as the Baby Boomer generation is, I can’t believe that I’m the only one in this situation.  What I would like to see is more discussion about those of us who are aging alone. 


Hi

any update on how you are doing?

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Although I've read some suggestions here, I still haven't acted.  I'm beginning to understand that isolation may be a form of depression, both of which have no easy solution.  While I have a lot of misgivings and reluctance to seek out senior centers, I find it difficult to get moving in that direction.  Now with the addition of declining vision, the days of no longer being able to drive myslef to satisfy basic needs has scared me into paralysis.  I'm now considering a move to a senior community in another city that would have the transportation that I'm going to need and hopefully a community I can fit in with.

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@justok wrote:

Although I've read some suggestions here, I still haven't acted.  I'm beginning to understand that isolation may be a form of depression, both of which have no easy solution.  While I have a lot of misgivings and reluctance to seek out senior centers, I find it difficult to get moving in that direction.  Now with the addition of declining vision, the days of no longer being able to drive myslef to satisfy basic needs has scared me into paralysis.  I'm now considering a move to a senior community in another city that would have the transportation that I'm going to need and hopefully a community I can fit in with.


@justok I am sorry that you are experiencing health issues.  Many communities have senior services that include transportation and Uber and Lyft are options as well. Let us know how you are doing!

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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there are lots of us never been married looking for our own tribe to hang with.  i'm 66, most of my friends are in their 70's or their 40's or younger.  my 70 year old friends don't rollerblade or kayak or hike.  my younger friends all work and have kids.  i've learned to do alot on my own.  i have 3 dogs so we do alot of short hikes (one is 13 years old so long hikes are not possible).  and i rollerblade on my own.  i'm still trying to develop the nerve to kayak alone.  i did have an rv for 2 years and the dogs and i went traveling.  it's interesting but lonely and at times when you are lost or situations require rapidly changing options , it would be great to have a second person to look at the map or check google.  but we managed.  plus i always texted my sister daily so someone would know where we were and where we were headed in case we went missing.  i plan to stay as independent as i can for as long as i can.

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@nh8079 - You might want to look on Meet-up or post on the Nextdoor groups in your area, for groups of people your age who have similar active interests, or are just people with your interests who do have the time available to get out. Both the county community college & friends of the parks in my county, have programs for seniors & other activities for mixed age groups. If you go to places that rent equipment like kayaks & bicycles, they sometimes sponsor groups & training, because it brings in more customers for them.


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Dear Nora -

Thanks so much for your post. I am in a similar situation and came in here looking for someone who might get it.

 

I also have no family. Great friends - but, with two exceptions, no less than 500 miles away.

 

I have the same concerns ... which sometimes escalate to the realm of panic. Particularly regarding medical care and emergencies. 

 

I really want to retire and am making plans to do so in a year. But the thing that gives me cold feet is that I would then be cutting the one major line of social outlet - if you can call it that. I'm not a joiner either. Never have been. But I'm so done with the job and the financial picture will allow me to go, if I so choose.

 

I have a really great home and gardens to care for. That is my deepest joyl It's kind of my hermitage. But there is so much press about "loneliness being the new smoking" in terms of health impacts. And keeping ones social outlets active to ward of dementia.

 

And then there are the logistics, as you've described. Who will respond for basic care needs when I get to that point?

 

Anyhow - I'm really glad to have a chance to share this with someone who might actually get it. Thanks for putting the post out there.

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I found something worse than being sick and alone - being sick and/or in pain and someone there that wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.

There are so many things worse than  death but I am determined to make connections and be there to help others and hope they will be there to help me. There were several suggestions that I believe can make a huge difference in  people's lives that are aging either alone or without enough support. I believe that working trogether as a group we can change the definition of assisted living to mean people helping people. At least it is a goal I want to pursue.

 

You can email me privately if you wish to see if we can offer each other advice or support.

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To Nora

I hope this is getting to the right person!

I was quite disheartened when I read several of the contributors were AARP employees, it sounded like they were shilling for various assisted living.

I should email someone about that.

You are in so much pain, Nora, but I certainly care about you and your pet--and want the best for you.

 I went to my son's wedding this past wekend and while it was joyful event it also reminded me I am on my own--both my kids are smart, independent people with their own lives. I wouldn't want it any other way. But--the only reason I'm in Des Moines is my daughter. It sounds like she will be moving on.

My son is in Chicago, my hometown, and it's too expensive to move back there. I did find a perfect place in NC, it sounds perfect anyway--the cost is always the problem.

Hope, pray and I will, too.

CM

I can't look to them for support, they ahve busy lives, and I wouldn't want to.

I found a perfect retirement community in NC, the roblem is--can I afforrd it?

CM

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Hi, Nora

I was so glad to read your message.

We sound like we might be almost in the same posittion.

I was hinking about Portugal, in a way to really shake my senior yeaars and get out of the culture for a while.

But that is far away!

I can't remember what I wrote--I'd like to be able to see the ocean everyday, and have my expenses be slightly lower. I really don't want to go into the deep South, and North Carolina seems expenisve. As does the east coast.I don't want a house, I'm a city dweller and an apartment would be perfect.Or renting a small house. I suppose I'd like to find a smaller town, by the ocean, with a laid back style.

I did ask AARP to send me any information they have on best places to retire.

But I'm not quite sure what to do.

If you like, I can give you my email and we can communicate directly.

Cynthia Mercati

mercatiwriter@aol.com

 

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I feel for you for sure. I have recently found out my kids really don't give a rat's behind about me. All these years I missed that...how?
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Thanks for your input.

I'm aging alone in Des Moines, IA.

I'm from Chicago, and I mean the city, we never had a car, and I never, ever believed I'd ever step foot into Iowa, let alone live here.

I'm not sure Chicago knew where Iowa was, except every four years when the presidential candidates would pose in front of hog or a barn.

Des Moines is a pleasant place, with nice people --- but for me it lacks dash, excitement. And big water.

People in Iowa are always talking about family values and it's a family oriented state.

I'm divorced and in Iowa, people  move two by two, like Noah's Ark.

Big families are the thing. And talking about them and posting about them.

I had another relationship here that mutually didn't work out, and I have gut feeling  I won't meet ayone from Iowa.

I'm not looking for anyone, I'm a pretty independent person.I'd love a small cottage or home, close enough to a city I could get there quickly, but with a kind of nice  small popiulation o fretired folks, or older folks who twant to talk about music and movies  and books and for me, The White Sox.

I have a wonderful daugher and son, my daughter has a job she loves but might move to Minnesota -- where I would folllow. Not on her block. As you said, The Senor Citizen Center gives me the creeps.

Age wise I'd fit, but anything else -- no way.

My son is in Chicago, and we're close, but that's too expensive. And I agree, I'm so tired hearing about when we do this and we do that and when we travel. Fine or the we's, but there are ones.

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@cm2216799 wrote:

Thanks for your input.

I'm aging alone in Des Moines, IA.

I'm from Chicago, and I mean the city, we never had a car, and I never, ever believed I'd ever step foot into Iowa, let alone live here.

I'm not sure Chicago knew where Iowa was, except every four years when the presidential candidates would pose in front of hog or a barn.

Des Moines is a pleasant place, with nice people --- but for me it lacks dash, excitement. And big water.

People in Iowa are always talking about family values and it's a family oriented state.

I'm divorced and in Iowa, people  move two by two, like Noah's Ark.

Big families are the thing. And talking about them and posting about them.

I had another relationship here that mutually didn't work out, and I have gut feeling  I won't meet ayone from Iowa.

I'm not looking for anyone, I'm a pretty independent person.I'd love a small cottage or home, close enough to a city I could get there quickly, but with a kind of nice  small popiulation o fretired folks, or older folks who twant to talk about music and movies  and books and for me, The White Sox.

I have a wonderful daugher and son, my daughter has a job she loves but might move to Minnesota -- where I would folllow. Not on her block. As you said, The Senor Citizen Center gives me the creeps.

Age wise I'd fit, but anything else -- no way.

My son is in Chicago, and we're close, but that's too expensive. And I agree, I'm so tired hearing about when we do this and we do that and when we travel. Fine or the we's, but there are ones.


Hi

 

Do you have any update to your situation?

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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@justokwrote:

Never ever expecting to be 67 and retired, here I am.  When I left my last full-time job I also moved to a new location: Waco, TX.  The decision weighed many factors, but the primary one was affordability and climate.  Reliving my nightmares of cold, icy and snowy winters, it was time to get out of southern Delaware.  I also wanted to live somewhere where I could afford my own place to live, rather than have to suffer a roommate situation as I had.  And much to my dismay, I was also forced to consider the accessibility of medical care, which had been sparse in my previous location.  Waco seemed to fit most of my requirements and off I went.  A year later and I’m still here.>>

As large as the Baby Boomer generation is, I can’t believe that I’m the only one in this situation.  What I would like to see is more discussion about those of us who are aging alone. 


@justok  well first of all there is a group call Singles Perspective and all of us in that group are singles and we recognize that Singles have specific issues which are different from couples.   You might want to go over there and check out the posts. 

https://community.aarp.org/t5/Singles-Perspective-Revisited/bd-p/bg177

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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MEET YOUR NEIGHBORS.  Work to have a "block" or "floor" party. So neighbors can meet neighbors.  Sometimes your best family is not related!

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my mom was very independent and that was important to her.  her neighbors were as well.  so they developed a simple system of turning on and off their porch lights.  on every morning and off every night.  if you didn't see one of their lights go on , you checked on them.  it was a system that worked well and in the end , one night mom's porch light didn't go off by midnight and the neighbor had the paramedics check and mom had passed.  

now that i am that age, my neighbors and i loosely watch out for each other.  if i know they should be home and don't see lights , i check on them and vice versa.  minimal interference, still independent , but not completely alone.

and having just written this, i need to go give my neighbor my  sister's name and phone number.  she doesn't live close but could get here in 24 hours if absolutely necessary.  and my sister has all the info on who might be able to help with the animals, which is my primary concern

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Tried to give you kudos, but this app won’t let me. This is a great idea and costs nothing to implement.

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Thank you nonetheless!
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I'm with you, justok. I, too, am single with no family close by and few friends who I could count on to schlepp me back and forth for medical procedures and such. And as for after care? Forget about it. I also have a German shepherd and two cats that I'll be damned if I'm giving up just because some people say, ' well maybe you should because it's too inconvenient to have to care for them if something happens.' I, also, have trouble relating to my actual chronological age. I still go for long hikes with my dog in the woods and hills surrounding my home in northern NJ. Yes, there are woods and hills in NJ. I live at the foothills of the Ramapough Mountains. It worries me that there are no support services for someone in my situation. If I were old and feeble it would be a different story. Growing old, as Bette Davis said, is definately not for sissies.

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No AARP in my area. Senior center is focused more on activities and service (which is great if you don't need help). I keep trying to verify CARE.com for service (driving, cleaning, medical, vet...) but know too few people near me to get recommendations I can trust. I am trying to see if agencies like United Way are around that can assist but I can't find any group within 50 miles of me. Except for working with a few friends and their children or caregivers to form a loose group of people to help each other I am out of ideas. (I have neither friends or neigbors or family nearby) 

I am writing because what you ask is too critical to let it go until a solution is found. Let me know if you have ideas that we can explore. I have a desire to try and do some good while I can even if it is only formulating and disseminating ideas and options.

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FINDING FIDUCIARY

By Jodi Weisberg MS, JD

 

My family is all dead, and I never married or had children.  I'm about as alone in life as one can be. 

The new term for that is "elder orphan."  There are millions of people like me.  And, with roughly 491 baby boomers an hour turning 60, there will be a lot more.

The term highlights the dilemma one faces when they need help in managing their health, their finances, and the disposition of their estate.  With no family or friends to name as trustee or executor, what does one do?

My lawyer told me I needed to hire a private fiduciary.  That is someone who will step in, and take over, should I become unwilling or unable to handle my affairs.  Someone to see I get medical attention when needed. Someone to carry out my final instructions when the time comes.  

He gave me two referrals to fiduciaries he knew.  The rest was up to me.  His parting words were "Don't procrastinate. This should be an easy decision."

But it wasn't quick or easy.  What is "easy" about turning your health, your money, and ultimately, everything you own, over to a stranger? It could be 10 years before I go from "standby" to actively needing help; or, it could be tomorrow. What is easy about any of it? And how do you make a decision like that quickly?

In fact, finding a fiduciary has turned out to be the most daunting, arduous, and important decision I have had to make at this phase of life.

My quest to find a fiduciary, like all journeys, began with the first step.

 

THE FIRST STEP

I honestly didn't know where to begin in hiring a private fiduciary. So I began with targeted research.

In Arizona, the Administrative Office of the Supreme Court licenses fiduciaries. There are 14 pages of public and private fiduciaries listed on the Court’s website. The site also lists all the complaints that have been filed, and their outcomes.

If you read through the site, you will glean a lot of useful information: how fiduciaries operate, their reporting obligations, and their internal policies and procedures.

When I checked the Court’s website, I verified that the two referrals I had been given, were licensed. I also learned they each had complaints filed against them. Although they were mostly minor in nature, it was important information to have.

I wanted more names to consider, so I searched the Internet for fiduciaries. I called estate planning lawyers, and asked whoever answered the phone, which fiduciaries they referred to.

A few names began to pop up repeatedly. I called them for interviews and looked at their company websites, but all my research left me feeling lost and overwhelmed.

 

THE SECOND STEP

I took some deep breaths, and acknowledged I had fears, concerns, and a lot of "what ifs." Who in their right mind wouldn't? Among them:

  • How will I know the best one to hire?
  • Will the person I interview still be working there when I need them?
  • What if they stick me in some crummy group home and rob my estate?
  • What if I have dementia and they take advantage of me?
  • What about elder abuse?
  • What if they get a doctor to say I'm crazy, but I'm not? Or I am!
  • What if they force medications on me I don't want to take?
  • What if they don't follow my instructions?
  • What if I get injured at home?
  • How will I get help if I can't use the phone?
  • What if I die at home? Who will know or care?
  • How do I trust a complete stranger?
  • Have I done enough research?
  • What else should I be considering?

 

THE THIRD STEP

Interview fiduciaries. I interviewed seven fiduciaries in six months.

Asking questions and interviewing people is an acquired skill. Most anyone can do it with a little practice. I’ve listed some of my questions below. You undoubtedly will come up with others for your situation, but hopefully these will serve as a guideline.

Here are the questions I learned to ask:

  • How long have you been a fiduciary?
  • What are your qualifications?
  • What professional licenses do you hold?
  • What local, state, or national fiduciary organizations are you a member of?
  • How many clients do you have?
  • How many work in your firm?
  • What are their areas of expertise?
  • What is your employee turnover rate?
  • What is your succession plan?
  • How often do you raise your rates? By what percentage?
  • What are your current charges and fees?
  • to open a file
  • to keep me on "standby" status
  • to administer services as an "active" client
  • to mail a letter, send an email, or make a phone call
  • to finalize my estate
  • How do you keep in contact with me until I need your services?
  • How will you know if I need your help?
  • What if I am unable to contact you?
  • Do you have three client references I can call?
  • Have you ever had a complaint filed against you/your firm? For what? What was the disposition?
  • What is the average size of the estate you handle?
  • What happens to my pets?
  • How will you get into my house?
  • How do you store house keys or entry codes? My personal information?
  • What is the average cost to close an estate of my size?
  • What happens if my estate runs out of money?

 

THE FOURTH STEP

Making the decision—which I finally did after months of research and interviews, reviewing all of my notes, and sleeping on it for several days.

The fiduciary I decided to hire seemed head and shoulders above the rest. I felt OK with my decision and a sense of relief.  But not really a sense of peace.

I informed my attorney of my decision, and he prepared the paperwork to make it official.  I called and emailed the fiduciary to tell them they were hired. I asked what would happen now, and they told me the next steps they/we would take.

It is now several months later and not much has happened. I never completed their paperwork, and they haven’t contacted me to ask why. They don’t have my house keys or entry code. 

Do I still think my decision was a good one?  Yes.  

 

THE FIFTH STEP (not yet taken)

There is still one more step: Appoint a trust protector.

That is someone who can "look over the shoulder" of the fiduciary, and has the power to fire them if necessary. It is someone who could receive medical reports and financial statements. Someone to monitor the performance of the fiduciary, and the fairness of their fees and charges.

Ideally, that person would be much younger than I am, someone willing to step in, and to keep an eye out. Someone who would be available in 10 years, or tomorrow.

It’s not easy to find someone like that. It is not something you ask of an acquaintance. Or of a friend's child or grandchild. I am concerned about this step. But hopeful, I will eventually find someone.

Because we don’t know how we’ll age, it’s critical to get all your paperwork and “team” in order before you need them.  Hopefully, this article will make your “journey” easier. 

 

 

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Periodic Contributor

lots of great info.  and the thought of letting someone i really don't know handle my affairs is frightening.  i hope you get it all figured out. 

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Periodic Contributor

Thanks for reading it and for your feedback!  I don't know if I'll ever get it figured out, but at least one has to try. 🙂

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Regular Contributor

Thank you for taking the time to provide a detailed narrative of yor quest to find a fiduciary whom you can trust; you're especially generous because you're freely providing others with information that you yourself had to gain through personal experience. Thanks again.

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Regular Contributor

I stopped posting when I found several of the contributors worked for AARP.  I checked them out when the word "OLD" was used and lot of references to assisted living for a lot of inquiries. I was so happy to think I lucked out and found a group that could support me emtionally and spiritually while I made huge changes in my life.

Everything has gotten so much worse. Tried to put the house on the market but wanted a home inspection to make everything good before it was listed. Chimney leak, rotted rafter, black mold, septic stopped up and had to replace entire downstairs floors. Plumber mistake led to ceiling with black mold and had to replace an entire room. Air conditioner failures, plumbing leaks... I have gotten rid of most items and am living with my pets crammed into our bedroom. A miracle happened and a found 2 guys who do everything and only charge $25 an hour plus materials. They do beautriful work and an end is finally in sight.

Now the doctor found I have a 8.5 cm cyst on my ovary, multiple areas on my back that the doctor believes is probably skin cancer, having severe muscle cramps that cause more pain than I knew was possible, along with luyng lesions and uncontrolled diabetes. That makes me more determined to move to a right to die state like Oregon.

BUT my one dog can barely walk without aid (resulting in me getting a pinched nerve along with my 3 herniated disks) and he now has a collapsed trachea. Both dogs have allergies and I believe moving will be best for all of us but how do I get me and them across country? 

I am praying that someone can offer some advice. I don't even want to think about staying so isolated one more winter. I have no one living within sight and I can go days without seeing or even speaking to another person other than professionally. I really want to have people in my life. More than anything else I want to go to church, participate in community events...have some hope for value in my life other than writing checks. My pets will come first but being around other people would hopefully make them no solely dependent on me. If I can't find a way to move with them safely trhen I will stay but I kn ow someone else must have some idea.

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Periodic Contributor

Thank you for reading my story and for your kind feedback.  

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Contributor

Thank you for this very informative piece.
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Periodic Contributor

Thanks for reading it and for your feedback!
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