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Re: Aging Alone

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To Nora

I hope this is getting to the right person!

I was quite disheartened when I read several of the contributors were AARP employees, it sounded like they were shilling for various assisted living.

I should email someone about that.

You are in so much pain, Nora, but I certainly care about you and your pet--and want the best for you.

 I went to my son's wedding this past wekend and while it was joyful event it also reminded me I am on my own--both my kids are smart, independent people with their own lives. I wouldn't want it any other way. But--the only reason I'm in Des Moines is my daughter. It sounds like she will be moving on.

My son is in Chicago, my hometown, and it's too expensive to move back there. I did find a perfect place in NC, it sounds perfect anyway--the cost is always the problem.

Hope, pray and I will, too.

CM

I can't look to them for support, they ahve busy lives, and I wouldn't want to.

I found a perfect retirement community in NC, the roblem is--can I afforrd it?

CM

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Re: Aging Alone

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I found something worse than being sick and alone - being sick and/or in pain and someone there that wouldn't give you air if you were in a jug.

There are so many things worse than  death but I am determined to make connections and be there to help others and hope they will be there to help me. There were several suggestions that I believe can make a huge difference in  people's lives that are aging either alone or without enough support. I believe that working trogether as a group we can change the definition of assisted living to mean people helping people. At least it is a goal I want to pursue.

 

You can email me privately if you wish to see if we can offer each other advice or support.

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Re: Aging Alone

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I stopped posting when I found several of the contributors worked for AARP.  I checked them out when the word "OLD" was used and lot of references to assisted living for a lot of inquiries. I was so happy to think I lucked out and found a group that could support me emtionally and spiritually while I made huge changes in my life.

Everything has gotten so much worse. Tried to put the house on the market but wanted a home inspection to make everything good before it was listed. Chimney leak, rotted rafter, black mold, septic stopped up and had to replace entire downstairs floors. Plumber mistake led to ceiling with black mold and had to replace an entire room. Air conditioner failures, plumbing leaks... I have gotten rid of most items and am living with my pets crammed into our bedroom. A miracle happened and a found 2 guys who do everything and only charge $25 an hour plus materials. They do beautriful work and an end is finally in sight.

Now the doctor found I have a 8.5 cm cyst on my ovary, multiple areas on my back that the doctor believes is probably skin cancer, having severe muscle cramps that cause more pain than I knew was possible, along with luyng lesions and uncontrolled diabetes. That makes me more determined to move to a right to die state like Oregon.

BUT my one dog can barely walk without aid (resulting in me getting a pinched nerve along with my 3 herniated disks) and he now has a collapsed trachea. Both dogs have allergies and I believe moving will be best for all of us but how do I get me and them across country? 

I am praying that someone can offer some advice. I don't even want to think about staying so isolated one more winter. I have no one living within sight and I can go days without seeing or even speaking to another person other than professionally. I really want to have people in my life. More than anything else I want to go to church, participate in community events...have some hope for value in my life other than writing checks. My pets will come first but being around other people would hopefully make them no solely dependent on me. If I can't find a way to move with them safely trhen I will stay but I kn ow someone else must have some idea.

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Re: Aging Alone

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@justok wrote:

Although I've read some suggestions here, I still haven't acted.  I'm beginning to understand that isolation may be a form of depression, both of which have no easy solution.  While I have a lot of misgivings and reluctance to seek out senior centers, I find it difficult to get moving in that direction.  Now with the addition of declining vision, the days of no longer being able to drive myslef to satisfy basic needs has scared me into paralysis.  I'm now considering a move to a senior community in another city that would have the transportation that I'm going to need and hopefully a community I can fit in with.


@justok I am sorry that you are experiencing health issues.  Many communities have senior services that include transportation and Uber and Lyft are options as well. Let us know how you are doing!

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Aging Alone

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Although I've read some suggestions here, I still haven't acted.  I'm beginning to understand that isolation may be a form of depression, both of which have no easy solution.  While I have a lot of misgivings and reluctance to seek out senior centers, I find it difficult to get moving in that direction.  Now with the addition of declining vision, the days of no longer being able to drive myslef to satisfy basic needs has scared me into paralysis.  I'm now considering a move to a senior community in another city that would have the transportation that I'm going to need and hopefully a community I can fit in with.

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Re: Aging Alone

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@nh8079 - You might want to look on Meet-up or post on the Nextdoor groups in your area, for groups of people your age who have similar active interests, or are just people with your interests who do have the time available to get out. Both the county community college & friends of the parks in my county, have programs for seniors & other activities for mixed age groups. If you go to places that rent equipment like kayaks & bicycles, they sometimes sponsor groups & training, because it brings in more customers for them.


Registered on Online Community since 2007!
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Re: Aging Alone

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there are lots of us never been married looking for our own tribe to hang with.  i'm 66, most of my friends are in their 70's or their 40's or younger.  my 70 year old friends don't rollerblade or kayak or hike.  my younger friends all work and have kids.  i've learned to do alot on my own.  i have 3 dogs so we do alot of short hikes (one is 13 years old so long hikes are not possible).  and i rollerblade on my own.  i'm still trying to develop the nerve to kayak alone.  i did have an rv for 2 years and the dogs and i went traveling.  it's interesting but lonely and at times when you are lost or situations require rapidly changing options , it would be great to have a second person to look at the map or check google.  but we managed.  plus i always texted my sister daily so someone would know where we were and where we were headed in case we went missing.  i plan to stay as independent as i can for as long as i can.

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Re: Aging Alone

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@cm2216799 wrote:

Senior Centers give me the shivers, too! I pass one that's nearby and always see a group of people, kind of spreading over their chairs, and I just know they'e talking about their grandkids and their aches and pains. Some are just staring out at the trraffic.

 

My parents retired to Sun City, **bleep**, and my father always hated it. He was a Chicagoan, born and bred. (Well, he was born in Italy.) He was a liberal Democrat surounded by Conservatives, whom he really couldnt talk to.

 

I suppose living among your own kind makes you feel comfortable--but I'd prefer intergenerational housing.

 

I'm trying to look into co-housing,  independent apartments within a community.

Many  seem to be grouped around the idea of sustainable food, which, while I agree with it, I'm not  into it, and I've had enough of farms In Iowa to last forever. Most people think Iowa is full of cute family farms,and it's actually home to huge hog lots. If a farmer can manage to hang on to some land, he/she and their parner always have to have a job in town.

I'd like to find acommunity organized around the arts--I'm a writer--or even some social activism. I don't golf and I like good conversations.


Well hey since you already have your mind made up of course you would not have a good time at a senior center, but I think you are a little behind the times..  There are all kinds and all sizes and their activities can include travel clubs and dining out, walks, runs, and other events. You cannot form a good opinion without having gone to some and you cannot judge senior communities based on one that your father lived in.  Things have changed. There are communities all over the country.   Most people living there do not come from the area but rather all over and because one is located in the south has nothing to do with the make up of the people living there.   

Just an FYI.

 

 

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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Re: Aging Alone

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Senior Centers give me the shivers, too! I pass one that's nearby and always see a group of people, kind of spreading over their chairs, and I just know they'e talking about their grandkids and their aches and pains. Some are just staring out at the trraffic.

 

My parents retired to Sun City, **bleep**, and my father always hated it. He was a Chicagoan, born and bred. (Well, he was born in Italy.) He was a liberal Democrat surounded by Conservatives, whom he really couldnt talk to.

 

I suppose living among your own kind makes you feel comfortable--but I'd prefer intergenerational housing.

 

I'm trying to look into co-housing,  independent apartments within a community.

Many  seem to be grouped around the idea of sustainable food, which, while I agree with it, I'm not  into it, and I've had enough of farms In Iowa to last forever. Most people think Iowa is full of cute family farms,and it's actually home to huge hog lots. If a farmer can manage to hang on to some land, he/she and their parner always have to have a job in town.

I'd like to find acommunity organized around the arts--I'm a writer--or even some social activism. I don't golf and I like good conversations.

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Re: Aging Alone

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@justok wrote:

Never ever expecting to be 67 and retired, here I am.  When I left my last full-time job I also moved to a new location: Waco, TX.  The decision weighed many factors, but the primary one was affordability and climate.  Reliving my nightmares of cold, icy and snowy winters, it was time to get out of southern Delaware.  I also wanted to live somewhere where I could afford my own place to live, rather than have to suffer a roommate situation as I had.  And much to my dismay, I was also forced to consider the accessibility of medical care, which had been sparse in my previous location.  Waco seemed to fit most of my requirements and off I went.  A year later and I’m still here.

 

The majority of articles I have read about aging always seem to make one basic assumption:  The person getting older is or has been married and has a family.  I am none of the above.  I have always been single and have no children.  There are siblings, but they are geographically distant and I don’t really feel the desire to live near where they live.  Friends are elsewhere, mostly in locations where I used to live 20+ years ago, but can’t afford to now.  There is an early episode of the TV series Cheers where Diane walks into the bar and laments “I’m old and alone in Boston!”  My lament is that I’m old and alone in Waco.

 

I don’t make friends easily.  The idea of me seeking out a local senior center sends shivers up my back.  First of all, I’m not accepting of the fact that I am as old as a am.  Secondly, I have no interest hanging around with a bunch of old people talking about how wonderful their grandchildren are.  I live in an apartment complex for seniors, but I really don’t know my neighbors.  I don’t share the religious beliefs of most Texans and have no religious affiliation.  I haven’t yet found an association for the Orthodox Sarcastic Cynic.

 

I really do appreciate the attention and information that is provided to caregivers of the elderly.  What disturbs me is that there isn’t any attention toward those who are getting older and have always been self-sufficient and defiantly independent.  This has me very worried.  For example, there have been some medical tests or treatments that were recommended that I am unable to do.  Because they involve the use of anesthetic, I am unable to drive myself.  End of discussion.  One involved going to another city 20 miles away eliminating most options.  When questioning the medical providers about transport, they are clueless; always assuming that a patient has a willing individual to drive and care for them afterward.  I’m looking at the possibility of back and neck surgery and the recovery process scares me more than the actual surgery.  I’ll have to go to a post-surgical rehab facility because I won’t be able to care for myself and after that, will I be able to navigate the 16 stairs to my apartment and drive myself to take care of my needs?  These are very scary questions because I’m on my own.

 

As large as the Baby Boomer generation is, I can’t believe that I’m the only one in this situation.  What I would like to see is more discussion about those of us who are aging alone. 


Hi

any update on how you are doing?

 

Life's a Journey, not a Destination" Aerosmith
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