Funny Stories and Life Experiences

[DaveMcK]

New topic featuring funny stories. 

This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade…
So remember this story the next time …

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband..
She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.
You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s going to be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant. Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome.

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked,
and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job,
and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city.
They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me. Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door
and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say?"

He said: “Who screwed up your hair?”

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Interesting how our perspective on life change over the years!

[DaveMcK]

Terms you may have never heard 

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

For those who have sacrificed their lives so that we may be free –

We remember you, we honor you, we love you and we humbly thank you for your service. A simple “thank you” is not enough for all that you’ve endured. We pray that you live on through the loving memories shared by your family and loved ones. We pray that the strife, battles and wounds of war be calmed for eternity in God’s loving grace. May you find rest at last and know that those left behind cherish your spirit, honor your commitment, send their love and will never forget your sacrifice.

[DaveMcK]

Flying Old Glory

Flag etiquette on Memorial Day is unique. At sunrise, flags are to be raised to full staff briskly, then lowered to half staff position where they will remain until noon. See guidelines for flying the American Flag.

Traditionally, on Memorial Day (U.S.), volunteers often place small American flags on each grave site at national cemeteries. A national moment of remembrance takes place at 3:00 p.m. local time. Consider visiting a local cemetery to place flags; many organizations would be grateful for volunteers. Contact your local American Legion post or the Daughters of the American Revolution or the Boy Scouts.

[DaveMcK]

If he is an example of the future generations we are in good hands!

"Rural coffee county Alabama. This teenager was filling up his Mustang when the older gentleman pulled up with his can for the mower and was patiently waiting. The teenager noticed, pulled the nozzle out and said "sir will you please let me see your can?" He filled it up as the older gentleman objected but settled in to a story. When the kid finished, he put the nozzle back into his car to finish filling up his own. He refused to take money from the gentleman and wished him a wonderful day. They are all over this country and they come in many shapes and colors. Don't denigrate his generation. Train them to be like this. I can assure you, he was raised to say sir and ma'am. As he pulled out onto the blacktop he lit the tires up on his red stallion, smiling the whole time..... and so was I."

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything"

[DaveMcK]

A sweet grandmother telephoned St. Joseph's Hospital. She timidly asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?" The operator said, "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number of the patient?"

The grandmother in her weak, tremulous voice said, Norma Findlay, Room 302." The operator replied, "Let me put you on hold while I check with the nurse's station for that room."

After a few minutes, the operator returned to the phone and said,
"I have good news. Her nurse just told me that Norma is doing well. Her
blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back normal and her Physician, Dr. Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged tomorrow."

The grandmother said, "Thank you. That's wonderful. I was so worried. God bless you for the good News."
The operator replied, "You're more than welcome. Is Norma your daughter?"
The grandmother said, "No, I'm Norma Findlay in Room 302. No one tells me anything."

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Hearing Better Now"

An elderly man was having hearing problems and went to see a specialist. The doctor fitted him with some hearing aids that brought his hearing back to full strength.

After a few weeks the man came back to make sure the new equipment was working properly, which it was.

The hearing specialist said, “It all seems perfect. Your family should be delighted you can hear everything now.”

“Oh no,” the man responded. “I haven’t told any of them. I just sit quietly, listening carefully. I’ve changed my will four times.”

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Anyone over the age of 32 should read this, as I copied this from a friend... Checking out at the supermarket recently, the young cashier suggested I should bring my own carrier bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. I apologised and explained, "We didn't have this green thing back in my earlier days." The cashier responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." She was right about one thing -- our generation didn't have the green thing in “Our” day. So what did we have back then…? After some reflection and soul-searching on "Our" day here's what I remembered we did have.... Back then, we returned milk bottles, fizzy pop bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilised and refilled, so it could use the same bottles repeatedly. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the green thing back in our day. We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator or lift in every store and office building. We walked to the supermarket and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two minutes up the road. But she was right. We didn't have the green thing in our day. Back then, we washed the baby's nappies because we didn't have the throw-away kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me -down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right. We didn't have the green thing back in our day. Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of England. In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used screwed up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn petrol just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right. We didn't have the green thing back then. We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the green thing back then. Back then, people took the bus, and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their mums into a 24- hour taxi service. We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerised gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 2,000miles out in space in order to find the nearest pizza joint. But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the green thing back then? Please post this on your Facebook profile so another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smarty-pants young person can add this to their page.

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Hoping everyone has a safe and enjoyable New Years Eve! We are going to have dinner here with several people from the Retirement Center.

[DaveMcK]

Happy Christmas Eve! Hoping everyone has a blessed Christmas day.

[DaveMcK]

I was in the 18+ group!

[DaveMcK]

[DaveMcK]

Stole this from another site. 🙂 Too funny not to share:
I refuse to put on winter tires because:
It’s my car, my choice, my freedom.
The effectiveness of winter tires is not proven, except by studies carried out by the manufacturers (you amaze me).
My neighbor Robert had an accident after putting on his winter tires.
Some are already on their 3rd set of tires, which proves their Ineffectiveness.
We don’t know what they are made of.
The tire giants scare us with winter, just to enrich themselves.
In fact, the tire giants invented snow and spread it at night when you sleep.
If I have winter tires, the government can track me in the snow.
Educate yourself, open your eyes, stop being a sheep!
This year, I say no to winter tires!

[DaveMcK]

Here is my suggestion as how to fix your Thanksgiving Turkey!