Refresh your driving skills and you could save on your auto insurance! Sign up for the AARP Smart Driver course.

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 461 of 2,648

The reason politicians try so hard to get re-elected, is that they would hate to have to make a living under the laws they have just passed. 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Messages  seen on church signs:

 

 

YOU MAY PARTY

       IN HELL

BUT YOU WILL BE

     THE BBQ !

 

 

 

KEEP USING MY NAME

             IN VAIN

I'LL MAKE RUSH HOUR

           LONGER

 

 

THERE ARE SOME

QUESTIONS THAT

CAN'T BE

ANSWERED

BY GOOGLE

 

HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS,

TEXT WHILE DRIVING

IF YOU WANT TO

MEET HIM....

 

THOU SHALL NOT STEAL

THE COPPER FROM THE AC UNIT.

 

READ THE BIBLE

IT'S USER FRIENDLY.

PLUS WE OFFER TECH

SUPPORT HERE

ON SUNDAYS.

     BY GOOGLE

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 463 of 2,648

HAPPY 4TH OJUL!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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I tried the Japanese method of decluttering, where you hold every object that you own. If it does not bring you joy, you throw it away.

 

So far, I have thrown out all the veggies, my bra, the electric bill, the scale, a mirror and my treadmill.  Smiley Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 465 of 2,648

I am going bananas.

That's what I say to my bananas before I leave the house.

 

If anybody can think of a better fish pun,

Let minnow..

 

"Engagement" can mean either planning to marry or initiating combat. Coincidence?

 

One of Jesus' most impressive accomplishments was being 33 years old and still having 12 really close friends.

 

I spilled glue on my autobiography & then accidently sat on it.

Anyway, that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

 

It's not difficult to tell crocodiles and alligators apart. One will see you in a while, whereas the other will see you later.

 

You never know how many people are out jogging early in the morning till you back out of your driveway with frost covered windows.

 

I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel. It was tomorrow. 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Because they had no reservations at a busy restaurant, my elderly neighbor and his wife were told there would be a 45minute wait for a table.

 

"Young man," my neighbor informed the host, "We're both 90 yrs. old !  We may not have that long." 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Since the pledge of allegiance and the Lord's prayer are not allowed in most public schools anymore, because the word "God" is mentioned, a kid in Arizona wrote this new school prayer:

 

"Now I sit me down in school,

Where praying is against the rule..

For this great nation under God,

Finds mention of Him very odd.

 

If Scripture now the class recites,

It violates the Bill of Rights.

And anytime my head I bow,

Becomes a Federal matter now.

 

Our hair can be purple, orange or green..

That's no offense, it's a freedom scene.

The law is specific, the law is precise.

Prayers spoken aloud are a serious vice.

 

For prayinf in a public hall,

Might offend someone with no faith at all.

In silence alone we must meditate,

God's name is prohibited by the state.

 

We're allowed to cuss and dress like freaks,

And pierce our noses, tongues and cheeks.

They've outlawed guns, but FIRST the Bible.

To quote the Good Book makes me liable.

 

GOD BLESS AMERICA !  

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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I was in the six-item express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with groceries.

 

Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, " So, which six items would you like to buy?"  Cat Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 469 of 2,648

Thats a good one Bonnie!!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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HILLARY to TRUMP:

 

"I want you to release your tax returns."

 

 

TRUMP to HILLARY:

 

"I emailed them to you ."       Man Frustrated

 

 

 

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