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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 381 of 2,648

"You know why I feel old?...

 

I went to buy sexy underwear, and they automatically gift wrapped it!"

 

 

Joan Rivers

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 382 of 2,648

My parents didn't actually teach how to adult. The only things I learned were to hoard plastic bags, in plastic bags, and if there is a person in your house, you feed them.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 383 of 2,648

Reach for the stars......

It keeps your boobs from saggng.  Smiley Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 384 of 2,648

"I'm off to jump in a pile of leaves and hide there until the election is over!"

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 385 of 2,648

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian and an Athiest all walk into a coffee shop.

They talk, laugh, drink coffee and become friends...

 

It's not a joke, it's what happens when you're not an a--h---!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 386 of 2,648

bY jEFF fOXWORtHy

 

iF YOU CONSIDER TELEVISION DANGEROUS, BUT ROUTINELY CARRY EXPLOSIVES IN YOUR CLOTHING, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU WERE AMAZED TO DISCOVER THAT CELL PHONES HAVE USES OTHER THAN SETTING OFF ROADSIDE BOMBS, YOU MAY BE A MUSLIM.

 

IF YOU FIND THIS OFFENSIVE, AND DO NOT FORWARD IT, YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM HERE IN AMERICA, BUT IF YOU DELETE THIS, YOU ARE MOST LIKELY A MUSLIM.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 387 of 2,648

Well, I hope you're Hunky Dorey after you read this and chuckle...by Richard Lederer.

 

About a month ago I illuminated some old expressions that have become obsolete because of the inexorable march of technology. These include "Don't touch that dial"..."Carbon copy"..."You sound like a broken record" and "Hung out to dry".

Back in the olden days we had a lot of Moxie. We'd put on our best bib and tucker to straighten up and fly right. Heavens to Betsy ! Gee whilikers ! Jumping Jehoshaphat! Holy moley!

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 388 of 2,648

AUTHOR UNKNOWN

 

"Who is Don Trump?" The better queston may be, "What is Don Trump?"...

 

Answer ... A giant middle finger from average Americans to the political and media establishment.

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 389 of 2,648

Mirror mirror on the wall...

You're not playing fair at all!

 

I'm really now upset with you,

For giving me a distorted view.

 

You show my hair is turning gray,

It's just the way the shadows play.

 

I know that your not hanging straight,

To make me look so over weight.

 

The way you show a double chin,

Is just the way the light comes in.

 

I think I'm fine , but you're unwise

To put such accent on my thighs.

 

I wish you'd try to be my friend,

And tell me I'm a little thin.

 

Just tell me I look good in jeans

, frilly shirts and pretty things.

 

Please don't let the wrinkles show,

I'd like to have a pretty glow.

 

I see you won't respond at all....

So I'll just take you off the wall !

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 390 of 2,648

If tomatoes are technically a fruit.... is ketchup a smoothie?

 

Money is the root of all wealth.

 

Two Irishmen are drinking at a bar. One says "Did you know that Elks have sex 10-15 times a day?  "Aw sh--" was the reply, "I just joined the Knights of Columbus!"

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