AARP Eye Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
THE WIZARD OF OZ IS 72 YEARS OLD
Today if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz, she'd be in Congress ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
My wife works all day and was always tired when she came home, and being the caring guy that I am, I thought that a ridng mower would help her get the yard work done quicker as she would have more time for the chores inside the house.
So, being the handy sort, I made her a riding mower. I even put a headlight on it so she could mow after dark, (call me thoughtful).
I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug... to this day, I have never been able to understand why some women are so hard to please.
PS. I can see out of my left eye pretty good now, and I should be able to leave the hospital sometime next week.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
An elderly couple were married for many years, even though they hated each other. They were constantly yelling at each other..
The old man would shout , "When I die, I will dig my way up, get out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life!"
To everyone's relief he died of a heart attack at the age of 98.
His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"
The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and you know men never ask for directions." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY FACT by nell2
RIDDLE OF THE DAY
Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one....
Michael J. Fox has a small one....
Madonna doesn't have one.............
The Pope has one but never uses it......
Clinton uses his all the time..................
Obama is one...........................
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.........
Cher claims she took on three..............
Liberace never used his......................
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his...
We never saw Lucy use Desi's...............
What is it??
Give up???
Ans:
A last name. What were you thinking?
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie
Fact
I have to send this one to my step son
lmbo!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
FACT:
Heat makes objects expand.....
So there you have it...
I'm not overweight, I'm just HOT !!!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
HOW DRY IS IT? -that will take care of all the Presbyterian Methodists Catholics Baptists lol
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Some days you're the kid with the stick...
Some days you're the pinata! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
How dry is it- 
it is dry & HOT as hell here!
our temp. are about-104ยฐ to 106ยฐ
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
HOW DRY IS IT?
It's so dry in Texas the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling.....
The Methodists are using wet wipes....
The Presbyterians are giving out rain checks....
And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back to water ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by gravenstuk
Welcome Gravenstuk !
He said to me...... Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?
I said to him........ They already have boyfriends. 
He said to me........ What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?
I said to him....... A widow.
He said to me.......... Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him........ Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home see what's in bed and go to the fridge!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2
If I had a like button to click, I would click here.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Weiner/Holder bumper stickers early before they 're all gone- lmbo
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY lol by nell2
Mornin' to you too !
Rumor has it, that Anthony Weiner is going to run for President. He has asked Attorney General Eric Holder to be his running mate. Get your Weiner/Holder bumper stickers early before they 're all gone !
(You knew it was coming)
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Welcome Ronminer97 !
A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"
"Sure," answered the blonde. "Do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?" I'll give you $100 for your trouble."
"I'd be happy to." said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.
Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when he suddenly was horrified to see the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded. "I gave you $100 to take them to the zoo."
"Yes, I know you did, " said the blonde, "But we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World."
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Bonnie your right-
they surprised us with a few changes !!!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
He said to me.....
I think it covered all - lol
"I downloaded AARP Perks to assist in staying connected and never missing out on a discount!" -LeeshaD341679
