Content starts here
CLOSE ×

Search

Reply
Gold Conversationalist

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

 Joke deleted

0 Kudos
166,088 Views
2654
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

0 Kudos
3,484 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

GREAT THOUGHT

You got that one rightlol

0 Kudos
3,470 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

         THE WIZARD OF OZ IS 72 YEARS OLD

 

Today if Dorothy were to encounter men with no brains, no heart and no balls, she wouldn't be in Oz, she'd be in Congress !   

0 Kudos
3,429 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

                           GREAT THOUGHT

In my many years, I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame.. two is a law firm... and three or more is a congress.

John Adams

0 Kudos
3,339 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

My wife works all day and was always tired when she came home, and being the caring guy that I am, I thought that a ridng mower would help her get the yard work done quicker as she would have more time for the chores inside the house.

So, being the handy sort, I made her a riding mower. I even put a headlight on it so she could mow after dark, (call me thoughtful).

I thought she would squeal with delight or something and give me a big hug... to this day, I have never been able to understand why some women are so hard to please.

PS.  I can see out of my left eye pretty good now, and I should be able to leave the hospital sometime next week. 

0 Kudos
3,314 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

An elderly couple were married for many years, even though they hated each other. They were constantly yelling at each other..

The old man would shout , "When I die, I will dig my way up, get out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life!"

To everyone's relief he died of a heart attack at the age of 98.

His wife had a closed casket at the funeral. After the burial, she went straight to the local bar and began to party. Her neighbors, concerned for her safety, asked, "Aren't you afraid that he may be able to dig his way out of the grave and haunt you for the rest of your life?"

The wife put down her drink and said, "Let him dig. I had him buried upside down, and you know men never ask for directions." 

0 Kudos
3,275 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

BonnieC10    Ans: you got me on that one lol

0 Kudos
3,229 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY FACT by nell2

                        RIDDLE OF THE DAY

Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one....

Michael J. Fox has a small one....

Madonna doesn't have one.............

The Pope has one but never uses it......

Clinton uses his all the time..................

Obama is one...........................

Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.........

Cher claims she took on three..............

Liberace never used his......................

Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his...

We never saw Lucy use Desi's...............

What is it??

Give up???

Ans:

A last name.   What were you thinking?  

0 Kudos
3,212 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY FACT by nell2

                        GREAT WALL SIGN

Bless those who do not need to have everything right this minute !

0 Kudos
3,140 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie

Fact 

I have to send this one to my step son

lmbo!

 

0 Kudos
3,123 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

FACT:

Heat makes objects expand.....

So there you have it...

I'm not overweight, I'm just HOT !!!     

0 Kudos
3,171 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

  HOW DRY IS IT? -that will take care of all the Presbyterian Methodists Catholics Baptists lol 

      Smiley

           

 

 

 

0 Kudos
3,167 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Some days you're the kid with the stick...

Some days you're the pinata!   

0 Kudos
3,158 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

Good morning Nell....

You just made me feel cooler by telling us of your 106 temp!   It was 96 here yesterday. LOL

0 Kudos
3,241 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

  How dry is it- it is dry & HOT as hell here! 

 our temp. are about-104ยฐ to 106ยฐ

 

    

0 Kudos
3,246 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

                        HOW DRY IS IT?

 

It's so dry in Texas the Baptists are starting to baptize by sprinkling.....

The Methodists are using wet wipes....

The Presbyterians are giving out rain checks....

And the Catholics are praying for the wine to turn back to water !    

0 Kudos
3,250 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

   Bonnie 

  a good one -  

                Smiley
            

0 Kudos
3,249 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by gravenstuk

Welcome Gravenstuk !

 

He said to me......  Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good-looking?

I said to him........  They already have boyfriends.    

 

He said to me........ What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night?

I said to him....... A widow.       

 

He said to me..........  Why are married women heavier than single women?

I said to him........  Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home see what's in bed and go to the fridge!     

0 Kudos
3,255 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

I laughed while sitting alone at my computer. If I had a like button--I would clicke it.

0 Kudos
3,238 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by nell2

If I had a like button to click, I would click here.

0 Kudos
3,240 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Weiner/Holder bumper stickers early before they 're all gone- lmbo

0 Kudos
3,188 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY lol by nell2

Mornin' to you too !

 

Rumor has it, that Anthony Weiner is going to run for President. He has asked Attorney General Eric Holder to be his running mate. Get your Weiner/Holder bumper stickers early before they 're all gone !

(You knew it was coming)    

0 Kudos
3,191 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 
 
 
       an Amish buggy ~ lol   
 
0 Kudos
3,204 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

While driving in Pa., our family caught up to an Amish buggy. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back was a hand painted sign......   

 ENERGY EFFICIENT VEHICLE. RUNS ON OATS AND GRASS. CAUTION! DO NOT STEP IN THE EXHAUST.   

0 Kudos
3,109 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

 Bonnie  

the surgeon wrote a short note-lmbo    

0 Kudos
3,099 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

A nurse was on duty in the ER when a young woman was brought in who had purple hair and tattooes. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitus, so she scheduled her for immediate surgery.

When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep Off the Grass."

Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."

 

0 Kudos
3,091 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Welcome Ronminer97 !

A blonde lady motorist was about two hours from San Diego when she was flagged down by a man whose truck had broken down. The man walked up to the car and asked, "Are you going to San Diego?"

"Sure," answered the blonde. "Do you need a lift?" "Not for me. I'll be spending the next three hours fixing my truck. My problem is I've got two chimpanzees in the back which have to be taken to the San Diego Zoo. They're a bit stressed already, so I don't want to keep them on the road all day. Could you possibly take them to the zoo for me?" I'll give you $100 for your trouble."

"I'd be happy to." said the blonde. So the two chimpanzees were ushered into the back seat of the blonde's car and carefully strapped into their seat belts, and off they went.

Five hours later, the truck driver was driving through the heart of San Diego when he suddenly was horrified to see the blonde walking down the street, holding hands with the two chimps, much to the amusement of a big crowd. With a screech of brakes, he pulled off the road and ran over to the blonde. "What the hell are you doing here?" he demanded. "I gave you $100 to take them to the zoo."

"Yes, I know you did, " said the blonde, "But we had money left over, so now we're going to Sea World."    

0 Kudos
3,090 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

Bonnie your right-

they surprised us with a few changes !!!

0 Kudos
3,062 Views
0
Report
Newbie

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

He said to me.....  

I think it covered all - lolSmiley 

 

0 Kudos
3,033 Views
0
Report
Gold Conversationalist

In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10

He said to me.....   I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it.

I said to him..... You wear pants don't you? 

 

He said to me.......  Shall we try swapping positions tonight?

I said to him........  That's a good idea, you stand by the stove & sink while I sit on the sofa and do nothing.    

 

He said to me........ What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you?

I said to him........ Turn sideways and look in the mirror !    

 

He said to me.........  Why don't women blink during foreplay?

I said to him........ They don't have time.   

 

He said to me...... How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?

I said to him....... I don't know, it's never happened.  

 

 

0 Kudos
3,022 Views
0
Report
cancel
Showing results forย 
Showย ย onlyย  | Search instead forย 
Did you mean:ย 
Users
Need to Know

NEW: AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays! This week, achieve a top score in Atari Centipedeยฎ and you could win $100! Learn More.

AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays

More From AARP