AARP Hearing Center
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Hubby arrived home with a tube of KY Jelly...He said to his wife, "This will make you happy tonight."
He was right.............
When he went out of the bedroom, his wife squirted it all over the door handle. He couldn't get back in." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on their 40th wedding anniversary...
The hubby yelled, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here lies my wife--- Cold as ever."
"Yeah," she replies, "When you die I'm getting you one that says, "Here lies my husband--- Stiff at last !" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Global Facts about Sex at any given moment:
Fact: 79,000,000 people are engaging in sex right now!
Fact: 58,000,000 are kissing.
Fact: 31,000,000 are relaxing after having sex.
Fact: 1 old person is reading emails.
You hang in there sunshine.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Marvin
( the male Maxine )
When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that God doesn't work that way...So I stole a bike and asked for Him to forgive me. 
I was walking down the road and saw my Arab neighbor Abdul standing on his fifth floor balcony shaking out a carpet. I shouted up to him, "What's wrong Abdul? Won't it start?"
Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks to see her license.
She replied in a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together. Yesterday you took it away ,and today you expect me to show it to you!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Today's word is: Fluctuations
I was at my bank today. There was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yens for dollars.
It was obvious that she was a little irritated. She asked the teller, "Why it change?" Yesterday I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations.."
The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too!"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
PICK ON BLONDES DAY
Two blondes were going to Disneyland. They were driving on the Interstate when they saw the sign that said Disneyland LEFT. They started crying , turned around and went home.
A blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it is idling smoothly.
She says, " What's the story?"
He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."
She asks , "How often do I have to do that?"
Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a park bench talking, and one blonde says to the other, "Which do you think is farther away....Florida or the moon?"
The other blonde turns and says. "Helloooooooo, can you see Florida?" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
"Where is my Sunday newspaper?" the irate customer calling the newspaper office demanded.
"Ma'am" said the employee, "today's Saturday.The Sunday paper is not delivered until tomorrow...on Sunday!"
There was quiet and a long pause on the other end of the line, followed by a ray of recognition...and she was heard to mutter, "Well, sh-- that explains why there was no one at church today !" 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
While creating husbands, God promised women that God's ideal husbands would be found in all corners of the world..... and then He made the earth round !
That God, He's such a joker !
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
As a last minute Christmas gift, my niece received a talking Muslim doll.
Nobody knows what the hell it says.. Because no one has the balls to pull the string ! 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
After a relaxing bath, Monica Lewinsky was looking at herself nude in a mirror.
Her frustration over her lack of ability to lose weight, was depressing her. In an act of depression , she decided to call on God for help.
"God, if you take away my love handles, I'll devote my life to you." She prayed and prayed........and just like that....... her ears fell off." 
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats, right behind their teams' bench.
After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents!"
Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?"
"Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was : "Get the quarter back ! Get the quarter back! I'm like...HELLOOOOOOOO.. It's only 25 cents !!!
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first. "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
"Nah, " I replied,"She can order for herself."
And that's how the fight started.
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A man was lying in bed with his new girl friend. After having great sex, she spent the next hour just rubbing his testicles......
As he was enjoying it, he turned to her and asked, " Why do you enjoy doing that so much?"
"Because," she replied ......
"I really miss mine."
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Kevin was in Duncan Donuts This is sooo funny-lmbo
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
A three-legged dog goes into a bar.......
"I'm lookin' for the guy that shot my paw !"
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
Kevin was in Duncan Donuts recently when he suddenly realized that he desperately needed to pass gas...
The music was really loud, so he timed his flatulence to the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, he started to feel better. He finished his coffee, and noticed that everyone was staring at him. He suddenly remembered he was listening to his IPod!....
How was your day?
In Response to RE: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY by BonnieC10
How many animals can you fit into a pair of panty hose??
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..
..
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10 piggies
2 calves
1 ass
and an unknown number of hares ! 
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