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Gold Conversationalist

SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

 Joke deleted

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Gold Conversationalist

I do not like this Uncle Sam

I do not like his Health Care Scam..

 

I do not like these dirty crooks

Or how they lie and cook the books...

 

I do not like when Congress steals

I do not like their 'Sweetheart deals'.

 

I did not like that speaker man..

I do not like  "Yes we can ! "

 

I do not like the spending spree..

I'm smart, I know that nothing's free.

 

I do not like their smug replies..

When I complain about their lies.

 

I do not like this kind of hope

I do not like it  NOPE, NOPE, NOPE !  

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Gold Conversationalist

"If it got dark any earlier, we wouldn't have to get up at all." 

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Gold Conversationalist

It is the VETERAN, not the preacher,

Who has given us freedom of religion.

 

It is the VETERAN, not the reporter,

Who has given us freedom of the press.

 

It is the VETERAN, not the poet,

Who has given us freedom of speech.

 

It is the VETERAN, not the campus organizer,

Who has given us freedom to assemble.

 

It is the VETERAN, not the lawyer,

Who has given us the right to a fair trial.

 

It is the VETERAN, not the politician,

Who has given us the right to vote.

 

It is the VETERAN, 

Who salutes the Flag!

 

ETERNAL REST GRANT THEM O LORD, AND LET PERPETUAL LIGHT SHINE UPON THEM.

 

VETERANS KNOW THAT THE OATH OF ALLEGIANCE HAS NO EXPIRATION DATE.

 

 

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Gold Conversationalist

I get excited about the new shows on TV, because they remind me that there will always be something to complain about.

 

 

 

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Gold Conversationalist

"If God wanted us to vote, He would have given us candidates."

 

Jay Leno

 

 

"The problem with political jokes is they get elected."

 

Henry Cate Vll ~

 

 

"We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office."

 

Aesop 

 

 

"If we got one- tenth of what was promised to us in Election speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to Heaven."

 

Will Rogers

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Gold Conversationalist

"When I was a boy, I was told that anybody could become Prime Minister or President. I'm beginning to believe it."

 

Clarence Darrow

 

 

Why pay money to have your family tree traced; go into politics and your opponents will do it for you.

 

Unknown author

 

 

"Politicians are people who, when they see the light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel."

 

John Quinton

 

 

Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other."

 

Oscar Ameringer

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Gold Conversationalist

One Payday, Mr. Goodbar wanted a Bit O Honey, so he took Miss Hershey downtown to the corner of Main and 5th Avenue. 

 

He began to feel her Mounds with his Butterfinger, that was pure Almond Joy.

 

It made her Tootsie Roll and he let out a Snicker and she screamed, "Oh Henry!. You are even better than the Musketeers."

 

Soon she became Chunky, and nine months later Baby Ruth was born. 

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Gold Conversationalist

" I'm learning to knit, so I'll have something else to swear at during these long November nights."

 

 

 

 

 

Maxine

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Gold Conversationalist

DAY IS DONE..

 

GONE THE SUN..

 

FROM THE LAKES,

 

FROM THE HILLS,

 

FROM THE SKY...

 

 

ALL IS WELL..

 

SAFELY REST..

 

GOD IS NIGH.

 

 

  

                                      KUDOTALVETERANS  !

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Gold Conversationalist

MAY YOUR STUFFING BE TASTY..

 

MAY YOUR TURKEY BE PLUMP.

 

MAY YOUR POTATOES AND GRAVY,

 

HAVE NEVER A LUMP.

 

 

MAY YOUR YAMS BE DELICIOUS,

 

AND YOUR  PIES TAKE THE PRIZE.

 

AND MAY YOUR THANKSGIVING DINNER,

 

STAY OFF OF YOUR THIGHS ! 

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Gold Conversationalist

1.     Go buy a turkey

 

2.     Have a drink of whiskey.

 

3.     Put the turkey in the oven.

 

4.     Take another drink of whiskey.

 

5.     Set the degree at 375 ovens.

 

6.     Take another drink of whiskey.

 

7.     Turn oven the on.

 

8.     Take another drink of whiskey.

 

9.     Turk the bastey.

 

10.   Whiskey another bottle get.

 

11.   Stick a turket in the thermometer.

 

12.   Glass yourself a pour of whickey.

 

13,   Bake the whiskey for 4 hours.

 

14.   Take the oven out of the turkey.

 

15.   Take the oven out of the turkey.

 

16.   Floor the turkey up off the pick.

 

17.   Turk the carvey.

 

18.   Get yourself another scottle of botch.

 

19.   Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey.

 

20.   Bless the saying, pass and eat out.

 

 

                     

 

              HaPpY   thaNkSHgiVING

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Gold Conversationalist

"The most remarkable

 

thing about my mother,

 

is that for thirty years

 

she served the family

 

nothing but leftovers.

 

The original meal has

 

never been found."

 

 

Calvin Trillin

 

 

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Gold Conversationalist

"Spare me the woman who serves a plate

 

of naked vegetables."

 

 

 

 

 

 

Erma Bombeck

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Newbie

It's the movements in our bodies the blind can see and the tones of the volumes of our voices the deaf can hear!
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Newbie

I am sorry in your text you appear unhappy!
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Newbie

kale is healthy and so are most cooking or prep oils!
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Newbie

Not cool; we live in a society that gives us the right to voice our own opinions!
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Newbie

they have to live!
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Honored Social Butterfly


@BonnieC10 wrote:

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind the teams' bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience.

"Oh, I really liked it." she replied "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn't understand why they were killing each other for 25 cents" !

Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?

"Well... " she said, " I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, "Get the quarterback ! Get the quarterback "!   Hel-lllo.... it's only 25 cents !  I hate to think what they would do if it was a whole DOLLAR! "

 

 


Hey BonnieC10,

I've read many of your jokes here and many of them are funny.  But it was this one that made me laugh out loud and I'm still smiling now.

Thanks.

Gold Conversationalist

Why did the fig go out with the prune?

 

 

Because he couldn't get a date !

Gold Conversationalist

I don't have an attitude,

I have a personality

You can't handle.

 

 

 

Did you know that Line Dancing was started by women

wanting to use the bathroom?

 

 

I really think that tossing and turning

all night

Should be counted as exercise!

 

 

Maxine