SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

[BonnieC10]

 Joke deleted

[BonnieC10]

I was going to smoke a joint with some Mexicans...

I asked if anyone had papers...

They all ran off...

[BonnieC10]

When the Queen is happy...

there is peace in the Kingdom.

Aunty Acid

[BonnieC10]

What I find most disturbing about Valentine's Day is....

Look, I get that you have to have a holiday of love,

But in the height of the flu season , it

makes no sense.                  

[BonnieC10]

THE FEATURED ITEM ON GOODELL'S BREAKFAST MENU THIS MORNING IS...    CROW !

[BonnieC10]

I THOUGHT GROWING OLD

WOULD TAKE LONGER.....

[BonnieC10]

I can't wait to get married

and communicate my disdane

solely through aggressive

dish washing.    

Reader's Digest

[BonnieC10]

Being a good husband is like being a stand-up comic.

You need ten years before you can call yourself a beginner.

Jerry Seinfeld

[BonnieC10]

Elderly couple in church................

The wife turns to her hubby and says, "I've just done a silent fart, what should I do?"

Hubby responds............

"Put new batteries in your hearing aid."                

[BonnieC10]

A Muslim,a Jew, a Christian and an Atheist all walk into a coffee shop.

They talk, laugh and drink coffee and become good friends.

It's not a joke.

it's what happens when you're not an

A--H--- !

[BonnieC10]

If you want your dreams to be as fascinating to other people as they are to you, don't mention it's a dream until the end of the story.

(alexa)

[BonnieC10]

BILLION DOLLAR IDEA:

A app that sends you a text when the light turns green.

Readers Digest

[BonnieC10]

My idea of a Super Bowl..

Is a toilet that cleans itself.

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

I tried paying my taxes with a smile....

They wanted money.

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

Q.      What's the difference between a Rottweiler and a Jewish mother?

A.       Eventually the Rottweiler will let go.

[BonnieC10]

Did you hear about the Italian Chef who died?

He pasta away. We cannoli do so much...

His legacy will become a pizza history.

Here today , gone tomato.

How sad that he ran outta thyme!

Sending olive my prayers to the family.

His wife is really upset. Cheese still not over it.

You never sausage a tragic thing.

It's such a shame, good people have to die fusilli reasons.

It was a farfalle from grace.

[BonnieC10]

Remember this date:

November 6, 2018....    That's when 33 Senate seats, all 435 seats in the House of Representatives , and 14 Governorships will be up for Re-Election .

[BonnieC10]

She knew she was getting older, when she tried to straighten out the wrinkles in her tights, and discovered she wasn't wearing any !

[BonnieC10]

I Love your smile, your face, and your eyes...

**bleep**, I'm good at telling lies!

[BonnieC10]

                             WOMEN'S RIGHTS MATTER !

To all those who participated in the march , a big THANK YOU !

[BonnieC10]

Would you like to be King/Queen of my

double wide trailer?

Did it hurt when you fell

from Heaven?

I lost my phone number.

Could I have yours?      ♥♥♥♥

[BonnieC10]

What do you get when you mix PMS with a GPS?

A moody **bleep** who will find you !

Maxine

[BonnieC10]

Have you ever just looked at someone and knew

That the wheel was turnin'

But the hampster was dead?

[BonnieC10]

SO,,,,,,,,,,

Eli Manning, and Peyton Manning walk into a bar.........

To watch Tom Brady in the play off !     : )

[BonnieC10]

So.....  my brother has two tickets for the 2017 Super Bowl...both box seats.

He paid $3700 for each ticket.

He didn't realize when he bought the tickets, that the game is the same day as his wedding!

So, now he can't go.

If you are interested and would like to go in his place, it's at the First Community Church in Atlanta, Georgia at 4 p.m.

Her name is Tiffany. She's about 5'3" 110 lbs., a good cook, good looking, and makes $120,000 a year!

She'll be the one in the white dress.

[BonnieC10]

Susie Lee done fell in love

She planned to marry Joe.

She was so happy 'bout it' all

She told her pappy so.

Pappy told her, Susie gal,

You'll have to find another.

I'd just as soon yo' Ma don't know.

But Joe is yo' half brother.

So Susie put aside her Joe

And planned to marry Will.

But after telling Pappy this,

He said, "There's trouble still."

You can't marry Will my gal,

And please don't tell yo' mother...

But Will and Joe and several mo'

I know is your half brother.

But Mama knew and said, "My child

just do what makes yo' happy.

Marry Will or marry Joe

You ain't no kin to Pappy!"

[BonnieC10]

Three monkeys sat in a coconut tree..

Discussing things as they are said to be.

Said one to the others, "Now listen, you two...

There's a rumor around that can't be true."

"That man descended from our noble race..

The very idea is a great disgrace."

"No monkey has ever deserted his wife,

Starved her babies and ruined her life."

" And you've never known a mother monk

To leave her babies with others to bunk."

"Or pass from one to another

till they scarely knew who is their mother."

" Here's another thing a monkey won't do..

Go out at night and get on a stew."

"Or use a gun or club or knife..

To take some other monkey's life."

"Yes, man descended, the ornery cuss...

But brother, he didn't descend from us!"

[BonnieC10]

Heavens to Murgatroyd !

Would you believe the email spell

checker did not recognize the word

"Murgatroyd"  ?

[BonnieC10]

There is a big controversy on the Jewish view of when life begins.

In Jewish tradition, the fetus is not considered viable

until it graduates from medical school.

[BonnieC10]

It's said , 'You don't have to go to church to go to Heaven..."

But,... "You don't have to wear a parachute to jump out of a plane either, but it helps."

[BonnieC10]

Dut to freezing temps in the South,

customers are urged to wear two

pair of P.J.s to Walmart.