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- Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY
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THE TWELVE DAYS OF NURSING CHRISTMAS
12 PATIENTS POOPING..
11 BED ALARMS RINGING..
10 EXHAUSTED NURSES
9 CALL LIGHTS FLASHING..
8 SCREWED UP DOCTOR'S ORDERS
7 C DIFFS STINKING
6 ALCOHOLICS WITHDRAWING..
5 BLOOD SUGARS DROPPING
4 BLOOD TRANSFUSIONS
3 OT SHIFTS
2 PATIENTS CRASHING
1 NAKED GUY RUNNING DOWN THE HALL.
MERRY CHRISTMAS !!
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If you have nothing against women, and think every man should own at least four, then you, too, may be a Muslim.
If you were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses, other than setting off roasdide bombs, You may be a Muslim.
If you consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your slothing, You may be a Muslim.
If you find this offensive and do not forward it, you are part of the problem here in America.. but if you delete this, you are most likely a Muslim.
JEFF FOXWORTHY
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I WENT TO THE AIR AND SPACE MUSEUM, BUT THERE WAS NOTHING THERE....
HELD THE DOOR OPEN FOR A CLOWN, IT'S A NICE JESTER..
MY REALITY CHECK BOUNCED !
BETWEEN TO EVILS, I'LL ALWAYS PICK THE ONE I'VE NEVER TRIED.
I'M STILL HOT, IT JUST COMES IN FLASHES NOW.
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A guy sits down in a diner and asks for a bowl of chili.
The waitress says, "Sorry, but the guy next to you just got the last bowl.
He looks over and sees that the guy has finished his meal and the bowl of chili is still full.
He asks, "Are you going to eat that chili?"
The guy says, "No, help yourself."
He slides the bowl of chili over and starts to eat. When he gets about half way down, his spoon hits something. He looks down and sees a dead mouse and pukes all the chili back into the bowl.
The other guy says, "Yeah! That's about as far as I got too!."
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There is a myth that Thanksgiving is a day set aside to give thanks for our many blessings. Grow up, America.
It's the great American pig-out. No powdered drinks, no little pouches, no water pills, no frozen entreés under 30 calories that taste like gum stuck on the bottom of your shoe. Just real food.
It's Thanksgiving.You can eat over the sink, under the sink, scrape the bowls with your fingers, eat between meals, load dip onto crackers that collapse under the weight, eat the fatty skin of the roaster, or have a dressing sandwich at midnight. Say hallelujah.
You can sample three kinds of pies and say, "I'm just tasting." Then you're allowed to load up your plate with more mashed potatoes and gravy to "get the sweet taste out of my mouth."
I don't want to be around people at Thanksgiving who put a piece of pumpkin pie in my face and add, "The topping isn't real whipped cream." Why not? Spare me the woman who serves a plate of naked vegetables.
If God had meant for us to fast on Thanksgiving, He would never have created 30-pound turkeys.
If we didn't have Thanksgiving, someone would have to invent it. People can live just so long on a sugarless, saltless, butterless diet, and then they turn mean. That's why the holiday is such an important one.On that day, the tension and irritability caused by abstaining from between meal snacking gives way to love and caring.
Children have their no-guilt holiday at Halloween, where they stay up late, talk to strangers, and scarf down bagfuls of cavity-causing sugar candies.
Today I have mine. Pardon me for talking with food in my mouth..
Erma Bombeck
HAPPY THANKSGIVING TO ALL
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FROG PARKING ONLY
ALL OTHERS
WILL BE TOAD.
**********************************************************************************************************************
IS THERE EVER
A DAY THAT
MATTRESSES
ARE NOT ON SALE?
********************************************************************************************************************
WHAT HAPPENS IF
YOU GET SCARED
HALF TO DEATH
TWICE?
*******************************************************************************************************************
I WAS ADDICTED
TO THE HOKEY POKEY
BUT I TURNED
MYSELF AROUND.
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A man called his Jewish mother in Florida.
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother, "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible ! Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because I didn't want my mouth to be filled with food if you should call."
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What are three words a woman never wants to hear when she's making love?
"Honey, I'm home."
Someone stole my credit cards, but I won't be reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife.
She was at the beauty shop for two hours. That was only for an estimate.
She got a mud pack and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off...
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
Rodney Dangerfield
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We of a certain age have been blessed to live in changeful times. For a child each new word is like a shiny toy, a toy that has no age.
We at the other end of the Chronological arc have the advantage of remembering there are words that once did not exist and there were words that once strutted their hour upon the earthly stage and now are heard no more, except in our collective memory. it's one of the greatest advantages of aging.
"See ya later alligator!
After a while crocodile! "
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NEW: AARP Games Tournament Tuesdays! This week, achieve a top score in Block Champ and you could win $100! Learn More.