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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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SARAH PALIN :     The chicken crossed the road because, gosh-darn he's a maverick !

 

BARACK OBAMA :     Let me be perfectly clear, if the chickens like their eggs they can keep their eggs. No chicken will be rewuired to cross the road to surrender her eggs period!

 

HILLARY CLINTON :   What difference at this point does it make why the chicken crossed the road?

 

GEORGE W. BUSH: We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or against us. There is no middle ground here.

 

BILL CLINTON :   I did not cross the road with that chicken.

 

BERNIE SANDERS :   That little chicken will pay 80% income taxes no matter what side of the road it's on. He's got to help finance free college even for those that just want a four year vacation.

 

AL GORE :     I invented the chicken.

 

AL SHARPTON :   Why are all the chickens white?

  

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 582 of 2,648

DONALD TRUMP :     We will build a big wall to keep illegal chickens from crossing the road. We will have a door for legal chickens. 

 

JOHN KERRY:       We will trust the chicken to tell us whether it crossed the road or not.

 

CHRIS CHRISTIE:   We need to water board that chicken to find out why it crossed the road. 

 

RAND PAUL:     It's none of our business why the chicken crossed the road.

 

NANCY PELOSI:    We will have to wait  until the chicken crosses the road to see what it says.

 

CARLY FIORINA:     Hillary Clinton lied about why the chicken crossed the road.

 

BRIAN WILLIAMS:    I crossed the road with the chicken.

 

BEN CARSON:    This isn't brain surgery. To look for pyramids, it wanted grain.

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces ( USRSF) from Alabama, Georgia, Florida, Arkansas and Tennessee.

 

These boys will be dropped off in Iraq, and have been given only the following facts about ISIS>

 

1.    The season opened today.

 

2.    There is no limit.

 

3.    They run around just like chickens.

 

4.     They don't like beer, bacon, BBQ, pickups, country music, or Jesus.

 

 

                        AND

 

5.     They are directly responsible for the death of Dale Earnhardt !

 

 

The Pentagon expects the problem in the Middle East to be over by tomorrow.  

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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WHAT DOES BARACK O'BAMA CALL ILLEGAL ALIENS?

 

UNDOCUMENTED DEMOCRATS.

 

 

 

 

 

WHAT IS MICHELLE O'BAMA'S FAVORITE VEGGIE?

 

BARACKALI.        Smiley Wink

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Message 585 of 2,648

Jamaican minorities in the UK have complained that there are not enough television shows with minorities in mind, so Crime watch is being shown 5 times a week now.

 

I was reading in the paper today how this dwarf got pickpocketed....

How could anyone stoop so low ! 

 

I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan bloke standing on a balcony shaking out a carpet. I shouted up to him, " What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

 

An Emergency Call Centre worker has been fired in Toronto much to the dismay of her colleagues, who were unhappy with her dismissal.

 

It seems that a caller dialed 911 from a cell phone stating, "I am depressed and lying on a railway line so that when the train comes I can finally meet Allah."

 

To which the Call Centre employee replied, "Remain calm and stay on the line."Man Sad

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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British humour as it used to be:

 

It has been announced that the police are going

to be allowed to use water cannons on rioters.

They are putting some Tide washing powder in to stop the coloureds from running.

 

Two Muslims have crashed a speedboat into the Thames barrier in London. Police think it might be the start of Ram-A-Dam.

 

Riots in Birmingham last month caused over 1 million dollars worth of improvements.

 

Years ago it was suggested that 'An apple a day keeps the doctor away." But since all the doctors are now Muslim, I've found that a bacon sandwich works great !

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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I DO NOT LIKE THIS DONALD TWIT..

I DO NOT LIKE  HIM JUST A BIT.

 

I DO NOT LIKE HIS FUNKY HAIR...

I DO NOT LIKE THAT HE DON'T CARE.

 

I DO NOT LIKE THAT HE THINKS STRANGE..

SCIENCE FACTS ON CLIMATE CHANGE.

 

I DO NOT LIKE HIS 50'S VIEWS

ABOUT A WOMAN'S RIGHT TO CHOOSE.

 

I DO NOT LIKE THE WAY HE SPEAKS...

AND INSULTS EVERYONE ONE HE MEETS.

 

I DO NOT LIKE HIS LIES AND TRICKS...

I DO NOT LIKE HIS HEAD OF BRICKS.

 

I DO NOT THINK THAT HE IS SMART..

I THINK HE'S ONLY JUST A FART!  

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used.

 

She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These," she explained, "Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you Americans do with your old goats?"

 

A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours!"  Man Very Happy

 

 

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Re: SHARE A JOKE EVERY DAY

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Bob, a 70-year-old , extremely wealthy widower, shows up at the Country Club with a breathtakingly beautiful and very sexy 25-year-old blonde-haired women who knocks the socks off everyone with her youthful sex appeal and charm and who hangs over Bob's arm and listens intently to his every word.

 

His buddies at the clubare all aghast. At the very first chance , they corner him and ask, "Bob, how'd you get the trophy girlfriend? Bob replies, "Girlfriend? She's my wife!"

 

They are knocked over, but continue to ask, "So, how 'd you persuade her to marry you?"

 

"I lied about my age, " Bob replies. "What did you tell her you were only 50?"

 

Bob smiles, "No, I told her I was 90."   Cat Wink

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Message 590 of 2,648

A doctor was addressing a large audience in Tampa.. The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago.  Red meat is awful.. Soft drinks corrode you stomach lining.. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. High fat diets can be disastrous, and none of us realize the longterm harm caused by the germs in our drinking water.

 

However, there is one thing that is most dangerous of all and we all have eaten, or will eat it.

 

Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causes the most grief and suffering for years after eating it? 

 

After several seconds of quiet, a 75-year-old man in the front row raised his hand, and softly said...

 

"Wedding cake." 

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