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Into a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a limp.
"What happened to ya?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Connor and me had a fight." says Paddy.
"That little sh-- !" says Sean. "He couldn't do that to you, he must have had somthin' in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well, " says Sean, "you should have defended yourself, didn't you have somethin' in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy, "Mrs. O'Connor's breast, and a thing of beauty it was, but useless in a fight!"
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The kids filed into class Monday morning. They were all very excited.
Their weekend assignment was to sell someting, then give a talk on salesmanship.
Little Sally led off. "I sold Girl Scout cookies and I made $30." she said proudly.
"Very good" said the teacher.
Little Debbie was next. "I sold magazines" she said, "made $445. and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."
"Very good Debbie " said the teacher.
Eventually it was little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath. Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash onto her desk...
"$2,467!" said little Johnny.
"What in the world were you selling" asked the teacher.
"Toothbrushes" said little Johnny.
"Toothbrushes!" echoed the teacher. "How could you possibly sell enough toothbrushes to make so much money?"
"I found the busiest corner in town, I set up a Chip&Dip stand and I gave out free samples."
"They all said the same thing, 'Hey, this tastes like dog poop!"
"Then I would say, wanna buy a toothbrush?"
"I used President Obama's method of giving you come crap, dressing it up so it looks good, telling you it's free and then making you pay to get the bad taste out of your mouth."
Little Johnny got five stars for his assignment.
"I downloaded AARP Perks to assist in staying connected and never missing out on a discount!" -LeeshaD341679