Widows Group?

[nshomo]

thank you Marilyn - i know everyone in this group is grieving - sending love and hugs to all

[mdwyer18]

NShomo, Can you start a group maybe through your place of worship? I've also seen groups through funeral places (odd as it might seem). Hospice organizations might offer some too. I'm almost 3 years into this and the best I can say is that now i can manage my grief instead of it managing me (actually consuming me). But nothing is the same, I don't expect it will ever be and some days I'm thrown backwards by the smallest thing or memory. I envy those that can go on to find another love (I've no interest) or those that have grandkids close by to help them heal. The rest of us I guess find that one day becomes the next and time passes. There's so much to process, so learn to be kind to yourself, take the time you need to cry, to be angry, to be remorseful, to heal. In this time of instant coffee, drive through restaurants everything is quick, except healing from grief which has it's own time table and is different for everyone. I hope these words bring even a moment's comfort.

Marilyn 

[nshomo]

I wish i could find a grief support group here in upstate NY - my husband died may of this year.  i am beyond heartbroken and don't even know how i got through the past 5 months.  He was only 62 and had pulmonary fibrosis for 5 years - he died within 1 week of having a flare up.  i don't even know where to go from here......

[JaneCares]

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@mdwyer18 wrote:

I do see a therapist on/off as sometimes I get tired of hearing myself speak. she did give me a gem last week as I have regrets from the illness period ...... one can't judge a marraige from just this short period of time when there was illness. One needs to look at the entire marraige. That was helpful. Maybe will help others here. Thanks. 

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That IS helpful. Guilt is the gift that keeps on giving! Best to forgive yourself, again and again and again. Also, i didn't mean to reply twice: the first message i thought it disappeared so i wrote a different one... oy.

i love hearing myself talk... ha ha. Typical extrovert.

Jane

[mdwyer18]

I do see a therapist on/off as sometimes I get tired of hearing myself speak. she did give me a gem last week as I have regrets from the illness period ...... one can't judge a marraige from just this short period of time when there was illness. One needs to look at the entire marraige. That was helpful. Maybe will help others here. Thanks. 

[JaneCares]

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@mdwyer18 wrote:

Hi Halie,

I am hurting for you and me both as I read your post. I read something the other day as I"m 8 months into this journey that has stuck with me: we can get past this, we might never get over it. If you are familiar with the 5 steps of grief, the first is denial and I feel like I'm stuck there. the days pass, I'm still working, but not 100% involved with anything, many days still move as in a fog, makeup and clothes, and cooking, not important anymore. Others don't know what to say, best not to talk with them  

Be well, be strong. Sending Hugs.

Marilyn 

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Hi Marilyn, I'm sorry you're in a fog. You will move forward but it does feel like moving in quicksand, in molasses. It just does. Have you found a counselor to talk to? I've noticed when i was grieving that one's closest friends do get weary of hearing how sad i am, or one more story. Although the closest ones, and my dear sister who is kind of stuck with me as kinfolk are, still hang in there. But there's nothing like having 50 minutes to spill and reflect, with no other agenda. It's a thought. What brings you joy?  Your cat or dog? Old funny movies? 

Keep talking, to us at least,

Jane

[JaneCares]

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@ah2711 wrote:

Hello, I lost my husband(suddenly) also last Nov. The last 8 months has been a blur, but thank goodness I am still working fulltime(retiring 10/1/17)One of my 2 wonderful sons said " Mom, you have gone non stop for all these months doing stuff". One of the last things to do is to transfer AARP into my name alone. Guess it was comforting getting the magazine in his name? As far as grief groups our WI church used to have a group but no longer. You probably have found a group by now, but Funeral homes can help as well.We just bought a retirement home in Sun City and the church there has a group which I joined last March when I was there for 2 weeks. Thank goodness also for Grandkids ! Take care!

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Hi there. I'm so glad you wrote and shared your story. I'm excited for you. As your retirement arrives, you have a precious opportunity to envision a new future, a creative chapter, an expansive story for yourself. I'd love to hear what evolves, myself. It is an exciting time. Check out the book, The Artist's Way, if you like, and do some of the creativity-inspiring exercises. Find a therapist/coach and really focus on the potential that retirement brings. Just some suggestions. It is a wide opening kind of time. Enjoy and embrace!

Jane

[ah2711]

Hello, I lost my husband(suddenly) also last Nov. The last 8 months has been a blur, but thank goodness I am still working fulltime(retiring 10/1/17)One of my 2 wonderful sons said " Mom, you have gone non stop for all these months doing stuff". One of the last things to do is to transfer AARP into my name alone. Guess it was comforting getting the magazine in his name? As far as grief groups our WI church used to have a group but no longer. You probably have found a group by now, but Funeral homes can help as well.We just bought a retirement home in Sun City and the church there has a group which I joined last March when I was there for 2 weeks. Thank goodness also for Grandkids ! Take care!

[mdwyer18]

Hi Halie,

I am hurting for you and me both as I read your post. I read something the other day as I"m 8 months into this journey that has stuck with me: we can get past this, we might never get over it. If you are familiar with the 5 steps of grief, the first is denial and I feel like I'm stuck there. the days pass, I'm still working, but not 100% involved with anything, many days still move as in a fog, makeup and clothes, and cooking, not important anymore. Others don't know what to say, best not to talk with them  

Be well, be strong. Sending Hugs.

Marilyn 

[Halie83]

It's always hard to lose your love. I lost the love of my life/husband to suicide this past April. I know it hasn't been very long but I'm so tired of hurting like this. Everyone says it will be ok but NO it will NEVER be ok. It will get better but will NEVER be ok. I miss him every moment of the day. You don't understand or know how someone feels unless you've been through it yourself. I feel for you. Hope one day things won't hurt as much and you won't be as lonely.
Do the best you can. Take care.
Halie